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28 / 619 bars
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Bars ranked by name. Gemini's verdict, 0 to 100. Subjective, by design.

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League: Premier Championship League One League Two National Sunday Closed 28 / 619
# Bar Best day?Highest single-day drinks total this bar has posted.📖 Learn more Funny Score?Primary ranking metric for this leaderboard view, switch tabs to sort by a different metric.📖 Learn more Trend?7-day sparkline of daily drink totals, rising line means momentum is building, falling means cooling off. Days
1
🐯
Cummings cider house ℹ️ 🏆 24
K mecon ▲ 23
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cummings cider house, sounds like a place where you'd drink fermented semen. Top notch filth.
217 92 / 100 131
2
🎲
Get Lucky with Goblin ℹ️ 🏆 15
therealgiftza ▲ 25
the Pattaya Turtle says: Goblin, eh? Sounds like a good night out for the vertically challenged, or just really drunk blokes.
134 92 / 100 30
3
🌺
Clap Happy ℹ️ 👑 2 🏆 50
QA2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bloody brilliant, that! Sounds like a Tuesday morning in a Pattaya walk-in clinic.
111 90 / 100 52
4
🍸
100% Laos Girlz ℹ️ 🏆 37
chinesefinanciallaundromat
the Pattaya Turtle says: The '100% Girlz' format is consistently crude, always good for a drunken guffaw.
333 88 / 100 41
5
🐍
3am Still Going ℹ️ 🏆 5
CrimsonLotus943
the Pattaya Turtle says: Relatable to any sad old git stumbling out of a bar at that time, still hoping for a bit of action.
42 78 / 100 13
6
🍻
Ting Tong Tavern ℹ️ 🏆 12
Manu_86
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ting Tong Tavern, a classic, rolls off the tongue like a drunken confession, lovely bit of alliteration there.
46 78 / 100 1
7
🍸
fucku ℹ️ 🏆 9
spiffer
the Pattaya Turtle says: fucku, blunt, to the point, and precisely what a drunk expat would say, no messing about.
82 75 / 100 14
8
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Sangsom Sunday🚪 SHUT ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 32
Suunshiiiine
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sangsom Sunday, a classic Pattaya combo, almost as good as 'Sticky Dickie' for a rhyme.
117 68 / 100 16
9
🍸
Monkey Buisness ℹ️ 🏆 21
Rishken
123 65 / 100 41
10
🍸
Non paradise ℹ️ 🏆 8
Daug
the Pattaya Turtle says: Anti-establishment without being properly filthy, needs more knob gags.
97 60 / 100 7
11
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Goblin's Revenge IV ℹ️ 🏆 32
goblinsrevenge
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Goblin's Revenge' is a bit too D&D for a proper pub laugh, but 'IV' adds a touch of daftness.
234 55 / 100 41
12
Buzz Bar ℹ️ 🏆 6
BuzzBar
the Pattaya Turtle says: Buzz bar, might get a buzz on, might not. Bit plain, but could be worse, like Mike's Bar.
208 45 / 100 3
13
🌙
Mambo Panda ℹ️ 🏆 4
mcp_sh
the Pattaya Turtle says: Mambo Panda, sounds a bit like 'mambo pants' and a panda’s a bit chubby, not bad for a giggle.
91 45 / 100 8
14
🍻
The Neon Buffalo ℹ️ 🏆 10
Pangloss
the Pattaya Turtle says: A neon buffalo, eh? Sounds a bit try-hard, but buffalo has a certain… girth to it.
102 45 / 100 15
15
🐯
Jacks Mansion ℹ️ 🏆 6
jackc12345
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bit too proper, sounds like a B&B. Unless Jack's a dirty sod, then maybe.
98 35 / 100 20
16
🍸
Steven Changed the Terms ℹ️ 🏆 15 ⚔️ Fame And Filth
Big
the Pattaya Turtle says: Steven Changed the Terms. Still too much like a local council meeting, not enough filth.
110 35 / 100 23
17
🔥
Angels Envy ℹ️ 🏆 5
CobaltTiger228
the Pattaya Turtle says: Angels Envy, far too poetic and polite for a bar on Soi LK Metro, needs more arse-end.
76 30 / 100 14
18
👑
Hello Handsome man ℹ️ 🏆 15
CosmicBuffalo215
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hello Handsome Man is a bit saccharine, mate, sounds like a greeting card, not a place for a proper piss-up.
191 28 / 100 21
19
🐯
Bobsbjbar ℹ️ 🏆 10
robert
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like someone had a stroke while typing, but not in a funny way, just a sad one.
138 25 / 100 25
20
🏆
National League Lampoons ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 36 ⚔️ The Purple Pussy, Won't Get Food Again
Suunshiiiine
the Pattaya Turtle says: National League Lampoons, sounds like a student newspaper, not a place for a dirty pint and a laugh.
123 20 / 100 15
21
🏆
Nid Noi National ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 36
Suunshiiiine
the Pattaya Turtle says: Nid Noi National, sounds like a place where they'd serve lukewarm tea and stale biscuits, not booze.
183 20 / 100 16
22
👑
Yuh ℹ️ 🏆 8
Theoneandonly
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a sound, not a bar name. Might as well call it 'Grumble' or 'Fart Noise'.
149 20 / 100 7
23
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Nebula Nights ℹ️ 🏆 6
LuckyPanther667
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bad sci-fi film or a corporate event, utterly devoid of smut.
116 18 / 100 7
24
🍸
147 club ℹ️ 🏆 21
Rene147
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a number, innit? Might as well be 'Bar Toilet One'.
155 15 / 100 79
25
🍻
Mybar ℹ️ 🏆 15
Mybar
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Mybar'? Is it yours, love? Does it come with a receipt and a bloody name tag?
96 15 / 100 101
26
🌴
Life in Paradise ℹ️ 🏆 5
CrimsonBuffalo611
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Life in Paradise' is saccharine shite, sounds like a travel brochure, not a place for a proper piss-up.
84 5 / 100 5
27
🍸
tf,yyjufj ℹ️ 🏆 6
VelvetOrchid792
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the name of a forgotten keyboard smash is this? Pure gibberish, utterly baffling for all.
148 5 / 100 4
28
🍸
Thfjfhfhd ℹ️ 🏆 2
Toothless Wonder
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the name of a drunken keyboard smash is this? Pure gibberish, utterly shite.
30 5 / 100 1
🔔 Most bell rings this week
#1 Fruit Fizz 🔔 6
#2 Tip Not Included 🔔 5
#3 Koh Larn Karma 🔔 4
#4 Sangsom Sunday 🔔 4
#5 Thaiger Thaiger 🔔 3