Leaderboard

⚔️ League 📊 Leaderboard 🏆 Season 🎖 Honours 🏅 Achievements
🏆 Season Yesterday This week Revenue Earnings Avg / day 🏅 Achievements 💃 Team Value 🏘️ Groups 😂 Funniest
Premier Championship League One League Two National Sunday Closed
88 / 619 bars
🔍
META DIGEST
What the top 20 did yesterday
Captain picks · most rostered · chip usage
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HONOURS BOARD
Every league champion, every season
The permanent record · once you're up, you're up forever
🏆
Funny Score · 88 bars
1
🌴
Muff DiversPREM 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolute genius, a classic crude body-part pun that's just perfect, maximum points.
+1
2
🍸
Cock Womble InnPREM 🔍
96 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, a made-up word that sounds utterly ridiculous and perfect for a bar.
+6
3
🍸
Camel ToePREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brilliant, a visual pun that's both rude and memorable. Gets a hearty chuckle.
+8
4
🍸
Cock Hungry Heifers 🐮PREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely brilliant, a proper image for a horny expat, straight to the top.
5
🐲
Dragon D's NutsPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dragon D's Nuts, that's just a classic, straight to the point, no messing about.
+7
6
🐯
FiveStrawsOneCup Agogo Soi16PREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Five Straws One Cup' , a classic bit of toilet humour, pure gold for a chuckle.
+7
7
🍺
Pussy in thongsPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bang on, that! Crude, direct, and paints a lovely mental picture for any drunk punter.
+7
8
✨
The Backdoor BilbyPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Backdoor Bilby, now that's a keeper, sounds like something you'd find round the back of your missus.
+7
9
⚡
Thunder CuntzPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Thunder Cuntz, straight to the point, no fannying about, you know exactly what you're getting, top marks.
+8
10
🍻
Creampies R UsPREM 🔍
93 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, crude, and utterly unambiguous, just what a drunk expat wants to hear. No messing about here.
+8
11
🐲
Goblin's Revenge IPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Goblin's Revenge, eh? Sounds like a good night out after too many Singhas, ending with a sticky exit.
+17
12
🏆
Hard cock cafePREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, love it. A hard cock and a cuppa, what more could a fella ask for, eh?
+19
13
🌺
Klammy KreamPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, this sounds like a delightful medical condition or a dodgy massage. Pure filth, I love it.
+20
14
🐍
Kolonic KreamPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks, mate. A proper laugh for any expat after a few Singhas. Sounds like a dessert and a medical procedure, brill…
+20
15
🍸
Moist TacoPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Disgusting, vivid, and a bit much, which makes it absolutely brilliant for a bar name.
+20
16
🏆
Punch Bowl BukkakePREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a drunken fight in a brothel, pure Pattaya gold.
+20
17
🍸
Pussy in HeelsPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pussy in Heels, now that's a mental image for your dirty old Uncle Barry, proper top-shelf filth.
+20
18
🐯
Tommy's Titty BarPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tommy's Titty Bar, proper rhyming filth, that'll have 'em roaring on Soi Buakhao.
+20
19
👑
Baht PlugsPREM 🔍
91 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Baht Plugs'. Short, punchy, and utterly crude. Perfect for a laugh, especially after a few Changs.
+20
20
🍸
CatflapsPREM 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, crude, and gets the image in your head. A proper laugh for the lads.
+22
21
🍸
Pussy in BootsPREM 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A proper filthy twist on a classic, makes you wonder what's really in those boots.
+26
22
🐯
Wild PussiesPREM 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wild Pussies, simple, effective, and makes me snort my beer out my nose, brilliant.
+26
23
🐯
100% Burmese GirlzPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Burmese Girlz' and '100%' sounds like a dodgy documentary you'd find in a back alley, perfect for a good laugh.
24
🍺
Fill Me UpPREM 🔍
88 / 100
Best day: 515 drinks
25
🐯
Golden KittyPREM⭐ Legend 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Golden Kitty, straight to the point, no faffing about, just like me on a Friday night.
26
🍸
Hard Nip CafePREM 🔍
88 / 100
Best day: 447 drinks
27
🍻
Jim's Hi-HoPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an old geezer with a bad cough shouting about his lady parts, pure genius.
28
🐯
Kitty KreamPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kitty Kream', eh? Sounds like something you'd find under the counter in a dodgy chemist. Filthy, I like it.
29
⚡
Sip HappensPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for a name that sounds like a clumsy drunk trying to order a pint and getting it gloriously wrong.
30
🎲
The Dirty DingoPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dirty Dingo, lovely bit of alliteration and sounds like a proper filthy mongrel, brilliant.
31
🦁
The Hairy KoalaPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a proper jungle muff, that. Plenty of places to get lost in there, eh?
32
⚡
The loose caboosePREM 🔍
88 / 100
Best day: 722 drinks
33
🌺
The Ugly TreePREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a dodgy pun for a mangy bush, the kind you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole after a few Changs.
34
👑
Frodo's RingfingerPREM 🔍
87 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Frodo's Ringfinger, a proper rude one, that, subtle enough to be clever, crude enough to be funny.
35
🌺
Shaggie GaysPREM 🔍
87 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, that. Simple, crude, and rolls right off the tongue after a few Leo beers.
36
🎲
250 Baht Chang AgogoPREM 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top tier Pattaya filth, sounds like a proper dive where you'd lose a kidney and find a ladyboy.
37
🍸
Magic MidgetsPREM⭐ Legend 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Midgets, classic Viz material, it's got that daft, crude charm.
"Small Spells. Big Spirits"
38
⚡
The Old Cox and Dirty OarsPREM 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Old Cox and Dirty Oars'. A classic, that. Gives a good visual, like a forgotten corner of a gentleman's club.
39
🍺
The Blackhole BarPREM 🔍
83 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Love it, a magnificent name for a bar where your night, and perhaps your dignity, disappears forever.
40
🐲
Ale's Well That Ends WellPREM 🔍
78 / 100
Best day: 582 drinks
41
🍸
Ladee-BoisPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, that. Sounds exactly like what it is, and a drunk expat would love it.
42
🐯
Thaiger ThaigerPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Good phonetic rhyme and a local touch, sounds like a place for a proper knees-up.
43
🍻
The Wet PlatypusPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Wet Platypus', a bit unexpected, but 'wet' and 'platypus' together is just silly and funny.
44
🍸
Magic LadyboysPREM 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, gets the point across about the local delights without being overly crude.
45
🍸
The Goblin DungeonPREM 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Goblin Dungeon, conjures up images of short, ugly blokes and dark, sticky places, pretty funny.
46
👑
Fame And FilthPREM 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fame And Filth'. It's got 'filth' in it, so that's a bonus. Solid, but not quite a body-part gold mine.
47
🦁
Phat Beach BarPREM 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phat Beach Bar, it's got a nice ring to it, a bit cheeky without trying too hard.
48
🐯
The Sign That Fell OffPREM 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Proper British pub name that. A bit of slapstick, a bit of 'oh dear'. Decent for a chuckle.
49
🐯
Cheekys placePREM 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like somewhere you’d get a quick flash, a decent middle-of-the-road wank joke, that.
50
🍸
Cosmic CocktailsPREM 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: It's got a bit of a laugh, 'cosmic' and 'cocktails' suggests a good time, but it's not quite crude enough.
51
✨
Bilbo's BenchPREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bilbo's Bench, a decent bit of innuendo there, but needs a second for the penny to drop.
52
⚡
Le Wet KissPREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of French class with a hint of naughtiness, not bad, not bad at all.
53
💎
Perfect 10PREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Perfect 10' has a nice, crude double entendre. We all know what '10s' you're after here, mate.
54
🐲
Wyverns and WenchesPREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wenches are good, but 'Wyverns' sounds like a fancy hotel trying to be a bit naughty, a bit too posh.
55
🐲
lucky bastardPREM 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Alright, a decent laugh, but it's not quite got the phonetic punch or the crude body-part gag.
56
🌴
Silicon ValleyPREM 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Clever, for the tech crowd, but it's not quite crude enough to hit the big leagues of filth.
57
🍸
Sin and TonicPREM 🔍
58 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a clever pun, but it needs a moment to land, doesn't it? Not as instantly crude as I'd like.
58
🍺
Drunken TookPREM 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Drunken Took, it's got a nice ring to it, like a bloke who's had one too many Changs.
59
🍸
Magic MushroomsPREM 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite the filth we're after, more for a student gap year than a proper bar fine.
60
🍻
SpinnersPREM 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Could be a washing machine or something else entirely. Bit of innuendo, but not enough oomph.
61
🦁
Acreman: EndgamePREM 🔍
50 / 100
Best day: 398 drinks
62
🍸
Magic ShotsPREM🚪 SHUT 🔍
48 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Shots, implies there’s something special in 'em, probably just cheap whiskey and regret.
63
🍸
Magic VibePREM🚪 SHUT 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Vibe, sounds like a bloody sex toy, not a bar. Still, could be worse.
64
🍸
Magic RoomPREM🚪 SHUT 🔍
42 / 100
Best day: 386 drinks
65
🍸
Magic ElixirPREM 🔍
38 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Elixir, a bit too whimsical and fairy-like, needs more grit.
66
🍸
Magic TimePREM🚪 SHUT 🔍
38 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Time, eh? Is that what the missus says when I finally manage a semi?
67
💎
No RegretsPREM 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'No regrets' just sounds like a sad expat on Soi Buakhao after a bad bar fine, not funny.
68
🐲
Paradise LostPREM 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Paradise Lost, a bit too literary and mopey for a good laugh, mate, not quite 'come on you cocks'.
69
🌴
Second Road SaloonPREM 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Right, a saloon, on Second Road, riveting. Where's the laugh, eh?
70
✨
Higher and RollierPREM⭐ Magnate 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Higher and Rollier, a bit too clever by half, mate, we're not doing a bloody crossword.
"Because it started, there"
71
🍸
Maggie May's DarksidePREM 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Adding 'Darkside' doesn't make 'Maggie May's' any less dull. Still a bit bland.
72
🍸
Magic SocietyPREM 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Society, sounds like a cult for amateur magicians, no thanks.
73
🍸
Desire'sPREM 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too flowery, too romantic. This is Pattaya, not a bleeding bridal shop.
74
🍸
lucky secondPREM 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a discount second-hand shop, not somewhere you'd find a happy ending, or any ending at all.
75
🍸
Maggie May's JomtienPREM 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jomtien is a place, Maggie May's is a name. No joke, no laugh, just boring.
76
🎲
RedS Tiki BarPREM 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: RedS Tiki Bar, a bit generic, sounds like a chain you'd find at an airport.
77
🌴
Chang Paradise 2PREM🚪 SHUT 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chang Paradise 2, 'Paradise' is a death knell for fun, mate, and a number? Forget it.
78
🔥
Big-TPREM 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Big-T'? Is that Biggus Tittus, or just a bloke with a big gut? No joke, no score.
79
💎
Dan's DiscoPREM 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dan's Disco? Sounds like a village hall wedding. Where's the filth, mate?
80
🍸
Gary’s PubPREM 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Gary's Pub. Is Gary exciting? Probably not. Is his pub? Definitely not.
81
🍻
Sabai Sabai SocialPREM 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody spa or a yoga retreat, not a place for a proper piss-up and a cheap laugh.
82
💎
Sapphire SalaPREM 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sapphire Sala, sounds like a yoga retreat, not somewhere you'd find a sticky wicket.
83
🌙
HarpersPREM 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Harpers? Sounds like a bloody women's magazine or a posh school. No thanks.
84
👑
Dave barPREM 🔍
12 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Dave bar' , whose Dave? Is he even funny? No, he's probably just Dave.
85
🔥
Big-T2PREM 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Big-T2. What, like a robot that's a bit portly? Not funny, just confusing, like women.
86
🍸
FreeRepublicPREM 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: FreeRepublic, sounds like a political think tank, not somewhere to get arseholed.
87
👑
Jamie's BarPREM 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jamie's bar? Who the hell is Jamie, and why should I care? Generic rubbish.
88
🐲
WebbysPREM 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a bloke's name, utterly pointless, no joke, no fun, go home.
Top ringers this week
🔔
#1
🏆
Fruit Fizz
6 🔔
#2
🌙
Tip Not Included
5 🔔
#3
🍸
Koh Larn Karma
4 🔔
#4
🏆
Sangsom Sunday
4 🔔
#5
🐯
Thaiger Thaiger
3 🔔
Bar chalkboard league ladder
LEADERBOARDTonight's soi standings.

Leaderboard

Bars ranked by name. Gemini's verdict, 0 to 100. Subjective, by design.

🔍
Meta digest, what the top 20 did yesterday
Captain picks · most rostered · chip usage · personalised gap analysis
›
🏆
Honours Board, every league champion ever crowned
The permanent record, one section per league · once you're up, you're up forever
›
🏆 Season
Yesterday This week
Revenue Earnings Avg / day
🏅 Achievements 💃 Team Value 🏘️ Groups 👑 Empires 😂 Funniest
League: Premier Championship League One League Two National Sunday Closed 88 / 619
🔍
🥈 #2
Cock Womble Inn
96 / 100
Irob
🥇 #1
Muff Divers
98 / 100
WitchDoctor
🥉 #3
Camel Toe
95 / 100
Jamie
# Bar Best day?Highest single-day drinks total this bar has posted.📖 Learn more Funny Score?Primary ranking metric for this leaderboard view, switch tabs to sort by a different metric.📖 Learn more Trend?7-day sparkline of daily drink totals, rising line means momentum is building, falling means cooling off. Days
1
🌴
Muff Divers ℹ️ 🏆 41
WitchDoctor ▲ 1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolute genius, a classic crude body-part pun that's just perfect, maximum points.
 312 98 / 100 136
2
🍸
Cock Womble Inn ℹ️ 🏆 53
Irob ▲ 6
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, a made-up word that sounds utterly ridiculous and perfect for a bar.
 524 96 / 100 125
3
🍸
Camel Toe ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 42
Jamie ▲ 8
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brilliant, a visual pun that's both rude and memorable. Gets a hearty chuckle.
 177 95 / 100 133
4
🍸
Cock Hungry Heifers 🐮 ℹ️ 👑 2 🏆 62 ⚔️ Harpers
QA2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely brilliant, a proper image for a horny expat, straight to the top.
 724 95 / 100 136
5
🐲
Dragon D's Nuts ℹ️ 🏆 50 ⚔️ The Goblin Dungeon
Noony ▲ 7
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dragon D's Nuts, that's just a classic, straight to the point, no messing about.
 577 95 / 100 79
6
🐯
FiveStrawsOneCup Agogo Soi16 ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 74
PattayaTizm Entertainment Holdings Ltd ▲ 7
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Five Straws One Cup' , a classic bit of toilet humour, pure gold for a chuckle.
 1,040 95 / 100 119
7
🍺
Pussy in thongs ℹ️ 🏆 35 ⚔️ No Regrets
Welsh1 ▲ 7
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bang on, that! Crude, direct, and paints a lovely mental picture for any drunk punter.
 456 95 / 100 37
8
✨
The Backdoor Bilby ℹ️ 🏆 36
MattHam ▲ 7
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Backdoor Bilby, now that's a keeper, sounds like something you'd find round the back of your missus.
 496 95 / 100 91
9
⚡
Thunder Cuntz ℹ️ 🏆 49
r1ch@rd ▲ 8
the Pattaya Turtle says: Thunder Cuntz, straight to the point, no fannying about, you know exactly what you're getting, top marks.
 640 95 / 100 94
10
🍻
Creampies R Us ℹ️ 🏆 35
Rabsie ▲ 8
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, crude, and utterly unambiguous, just what a drunk expat wants to hear. No messing about here.
 443 93 / 100 13
11
🐲
Goblin's Revenge I ℹ️ 🏆 36
goblinsrevenge ▲ 17
the Pattaya Turtle says: Goblin's Revenge, eh? Sounds like a good night out after too many Singhas, ending with a sticky exit.
 353 92 / 100 43
12
🏆
Hard cock cafe ℹ️ 🏆 50 ⚔️ Charkel's SIMP Lounge
Bugaloo ▲ 19
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, love it. A hard cock and a cuppa, what more could a fella ask for, eh?
 762 92 / 100 91
13
🌺
Klammy Kream ℹ️ 🏆 42
JasS ▲ 20
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, this sounds like a delightful medical condition or a dodgy massage. Pure filth, I love it.
 784 92 / 100 88
14
🐍
Kolonic Kream ℹ️ 🏆 39
JasS ▲ 20
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks, mate. A proper laugh for any expat after a few Singhas. Sounds like a dessert and a medical procedure, brill…
 469 92 / 100 65
15
🍸
Moist Taco ℹ️ 🏆 53
Sagu ▲ 20
the Pattaya Turtle says: Disgusting, vivid, and a bit much, which makes it absolutely brilliant for a bar name.
 714 92 / 100 133
16
🏆
Punch Bowl Bukkake ℹ️ 🏆 37
punchbowlbukkake ▲ 20
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a drunken fight in a brothel, pure Pattaya gold.
 416 92 / 100 82
17
🍸
Pussy in Heels ℹ️ 🏆 44
Welsh1 ▲ 20
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pussy in Heels, now that's a mental image for your dirty old Uncle Barry, proper top-shelf filth.
 515 92 / 100 71
18
🐯
Tommy's Titty Bar ℹ️ 🏆 46
Tom - GentsClubs.com ▲ 20
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tommy's Titty Bar, proper rhyming filth, that'll have 'em roaring on Soi Buakhao.
 559 92 / 100 134
19
👑
Baht Plugs ℹ️ 🏆 37
Perverted Soi Dog ▲ 20
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Baht Plugs'. Short, punchy, and utterly crude. Perfect for a laugh, especially after a few Changs.
 939 91 / 100 87
20
🍸
Catflaps ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 45
Jamie ▲ 22
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, crude, and gets the image in your head. A proper laugh for the lads.
 451 90 / 100 133
21
🍸
Pussy in Boots ℹ️ 🏆 49 ⚔️ Magic Midgets
Welsh1 ▲ 26
the Pattaya Turtle says: A proper filthy twist on a classic, makes you wonder what's really in those boots.
 559 90 / 100 128
22
🐯
Wild Pussies ℹ️ 🏆 61 ⚔️ Fatties BareBackBeerBar Soi7
r1ch@rd ▲ 26
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wild Pussies, simple, effective, and makes me snort my beer out my nose, brilliant.
 862 90 / 100 136
23
🐯
100% Burmese Girlz ℹ️ 🏆 37
chinesefinanciallaundromat
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Burmese Girlz' and '100%' sounds like a dodgy documentary you'd find in a back alley, perfect for a good laugh.
 416 88 / 100 47
24
🍺
Fill Me Up ℹ️ 🏆 48
Rabsie
515 88 / 100 35
25
🐯
Golden Kitty ℹ️ ⭐ Legend 👑 5 🏆 71
Thomas1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Golden Kitty, straight to the point, no faffing about, just like me on a Friday night.
 1,138 88 / 100 136
26
🍸
Hard Nip Cafe ℹ️ 🏆 29
Bugaloo
447 88 / 100 23
27
🍻
Jim's Hi-Ho ℹ️ 🏆 30
Merm
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an old geezer with a bad cough shouting about his lady parts, pure genius.
 313 88 / 100 84
28
🐯
Kitty Kream ℹ️ 🏆 51
JasS
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kitty Kream', eh? Sounds like something you'd find under the counter in a dodgy chemist. Filthy, I like it.
 653 88 / 100 134
29
⚡
Sip Happens ℹ️ 🏆 41
jamescoffee
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for a name that sounds like a clumsy drunk trying to order a pint and getting it gloriously wrong.
 679 88 / 100 45
30
🎲
The Dirty Dingo ℹ️ 🏆 39
MattHam
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dirty Dingo, lovely bit of alliteration and sounds like a proper filthy mongrel, brilliant.
 397 88 / 100 94
31
🦁
The Hairy Koala ℹ️ 🏆 43
MattHam
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a proper jungle muff, that. Plenty of places to get lost in there, eh?
 503 88 / 100 101
32
⚡
The loose caboose ℹ️ 🏆 37
WdeeForty
722 88 / 100 133
33
🌺
The Ugly Tree ℹ️ 🏆 34
MattHam
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a dodgy pun for a mangy bush, the kind you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole after a few Changs.
 463 88 / 100 68
34
👑
Frodo's Ringfinger ℹ️ 🏆 57 ⚔️ Shaggie Gays, Magic Society
Steven
the Pattaya Turtle says: Frodo's Ringfinger, a proper rude one, that, subtle enough to be clever, crude enough to be funny.
 828 87 / 100 135
35
🌺
Shaggie Gays ℹ️ 🏆 51
Adam
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, that. Simple, crude, and rolls right off the tongue after a few Leo beers.
 963 87 / 100 136
36
🎲
250 Baht Chang Agogo ℹ️ 🏆 44
YouTubeCelebrityGroup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top tier Pattaya filth, sounds like a proper dive where you'd lose a kidney and find a ladyboy.
 494 85 / 100 94
37
🍸
Magic Midgets ℹ️ ⭐ Legend 👑 5 🏆 81 ⚔️ Higher and Rollier
Jazup
"Small Spells. Big Spirits"
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Midgets, classic Viz material, it's got that daft, crude charm.
 703 85 / 100 136
38
⚡
The Old Cox and Dirty Oars ℹ️ 🏆 53
Tonypy
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Old Cox and Dirty Oars'. A classic, that. Gives a good visual, like a forgotten corner of a gentleman's club.
 411 85 / 100 134
39
🍺
The Blackhole Bar ℹ️ 🏆 30
Irob
the Pattaya Turtle says: Love it, a magnificent name for a bar where your night, and perhaps your dignity, disappears forever.
 322 83 / 100 57
40
🐲
582 78 / 100 57
41
🍸
Ladee-Bois ℹ️ 🏆 41
skin_glyder316
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, that. Sounds exactly like what it is, and a drunk expat would love it.
 725 78 / 100 100
42
🐯
Thaiger Thaiger ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 59
DiscoStu
the Pattaya Turtle says: Good phonetic rhyme and a local touch, sounds like a place for a proper knees-up.
 1,195 78 / 100 128
43
🍻
The Wet Platypus ℹ️ 🏆 49
MattHam
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Wet Platypus', a bit unexpected, but 'wet' and 'platypus' together is just silly and funny.
 590 78 / 100 112
44
🍸
Magic Ladyboys ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 43
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, gets the point across about the local delights without being overly crude.
 538 75 / 100 135
45
🍸
The Goblin Dungeon ℹ️ 🏆 49 ⚔️ Get Lucky with Goblin
therealgiftza
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Goblin Dungeon, conjures up images of short, ugly blokes and dark, sticky places, pretty funny.
 780 75 / 100 93
46
👑
Fame And Filth ℹ️ 🏆 37
FilthyFame
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fame And Filth'. It's got 'filth' in it, so that's a bonus. Solid, but not quite a body-part gold mine.
 483 70 / 100 80
47
🦁
Phat Beach Bar ℹ️ 🏆 62 ⚔️ Dampfende Lederhose
Irob
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phat Beach Bar, it's got a nice ring to it, a bit cheeky without trying too hard.
 951 70 / 100 132
48
🐯
The Sign That Fell Off ℹ️ 🏆 46
Irob
the Pattaya Turtle says: Proper British pub name that. A bit of slapstick, a bit of 'oh dear'. Decent for a chuckle.
 534 70 / 100 100
49
🐯
Cheekys place ℹ️ 🏆 43
cheekymonkey
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like somewhere you’d get a quick flash, a decent middle-of-the-road wank joke, that.
 376 68 / 100 71
50
🍸
Cosmic Cocktails ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 50
Thomas1
the Pattaya Turtle says: It's got a bit of a laugh, 'cosmic' and 'cocktails' suggests a good time, but it's not quite crude enough.
 566 68 / 100 112
51
✨
Bilbo's Bench ℹ️ 🏆 44
Steven
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bilbo's Bench, a decent bit of innuendo there, but needs a second for the penny to drop.
 546 65 / 100 130
52
⚡
Le Wet Kiss ℹ️ 🏆 47 ⚔️ Wild Pussies, Camel Toe
handsum_man
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of French class with a hint of naughtiness, not bad, not bad at all.
 396 65 / 100 127
53
💎
Perfect 10 ℹ️ 🏆 46
Perfect 10 Chief
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Perfect 10' has a nice, crude double entendre. We all know what '10s' you're after here, mate.
 535 65 / 100 108
54
🐲
Wyverns and Wenches ℹ️ 🏆 29
Noony
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wenches are good, but 'Wyverns' sounds like a fancy hotel trying to be a bit naughty, a bit too posh.
 374 65 / 100 35
55
🐲
lucky bastard ℹ️ 🏆 45
mac_flow
the Pattaya Turtle says: Alright, a decent laugh, but it's not quite got the phonetic punch or the crude body-part gag.
 442 60 / 100 109
56
🌴
Silicon Valley ℹ️ 🏆 45
hammerhiem75
the Pattaya Turtle says: Clever, for the tech crowd, but it's not quite crude enough to hit the big leagues of filth.
 706 60 / 100 135
57
🍸
Sin and Tonic ℹ️ 🏆 31
hammerhiem75
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a clever pun, but it needs a moment to land, doesn't it? Not as instantly crude as I'd like.
 330 58 / 100 88
58
🍺
Drunken Took ℹ️ 🏆 46
Steven
the Pattaya Turtle says: Drunken Took, it's got a nice ring to it, like a bloke who's had one too many Changs.
 713 55 / 100 136
59
🍸
Magic Mushrooms ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 46
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite the filth we're after, more for a student gap year than a proper bar fine.
 521 55 / 100 135
60
🍻
Spinners ℹ️ 🏆 56
SpinnersBoss
the Pattaya Turtle says: Could be a washing machine or something else entirely. Bit of innuendo, but not enough oomph.
 1,126 55 / 100 135
61
🦁
Acreman: Endgame ℹ️ 🏆 34
Adam
398 50 / 100 96
62
🍸
Magic Shots🚪 SHUT ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 29
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Shots, implies there’s something special in 'em, probably just cheap whiskey and regret.
 172 48 / 100 100
63
🍸
Magic Vibe🚪 SHUT ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 29
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Vibe, sounds like a bloody sex toy, not a bar. Still, could be worse.
 224 45 / 100 100
64
🍸
Magic Room🚪 SHUT ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 31
Jazup
386 42 / 100 100
65
🍸
Magic Elixir ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 43
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Elixir, a bit too whimsical and fairy-like, needs more grit.
 371 38 / 100 129
66
🍸
Magic Time🚪 SHUT ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 30
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Time, eh? Is that what the missus says when I finally manage a semi?
 209 38 / 100 100
67
💎
No Regrets ℹ️ 🏆 43
Sagu
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'No regrets' just sounds like a sad expat on Soi Buakhao after a bad bar fine, not funny.
 648 35 / 100 108
68
🐲
Paradise Lost ℹ️ 🏆 27
hammerhiem
the Pattaya Turtle says: Paradise Lost, a bit too literary and mopey for a good laugh, mate, not quite 'come on you cocks'.
 304 35 / 100 93
69
🌴
Second Road Saloon ℹ️ 🏆 39
Irob
the Pattaya Turtle says: Right, a saloon, on Second Road, riveting. Where's the laugh, eh?
 391 35 / 100 66
70
✨
Higher and Rollier ℹ️ ⭐ Magnate 👑 5 🏆 75
Suunshiiiine
"Because it started, there"
the Pattaya Turtle says: Higher and Rollier, a bit too clever by half, mate, we're not doing a bloody crossword.
 1,229 30 / 100 136
71
🍸
Maggie May's Darkside ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 43
Jamie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Adding 'Darkside' doesn't make 'Maggie May's' any less dull. Still a bit bland.
 379 30 / 100 133
72
🍸
Magic Society ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 41
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Society, sounds like a cult for amateur magicians, no thanks.
 285 30 / 100 129
73
🍸
Desire's ℹ️ 🏆 44
swamprat
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too flowery, too romantic. This is Pattaya, not a bleeding bridal shop.
 573 28 / 100 131
74
🍸
lucky second ℹ️ 🏆 27
mac_flow
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a discount second-hand shop, not somewhere you'd find a happy ending, or any ending at all.
 162 25 / 100 59
75
🍸
Maggie May's Jomtien ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 41
Jamie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jomtien is a place, Maggie May's is a name. No joke, no laugh, just boring.
 356 25 / 100 133
76
🎲
RedS Tiki Bar ℹ️ 🏆 55 ⚔️ Bloody Shit BaR
Simply Red
the Pattaya Turtle says: RedS Tiki Bar, a bit generic, sounds like a chain you'd find at an airport.
 589 22 / 100 136
77
🌴
Chang Paradise 2🚪 SHUT ℹ️ 🏆 35
pet0r2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chang Paradise 2, 'Paradise' is a death knell for fun, mate, and a number? Forget it.
 506 20 / 100 136
78
🔥
Big-T ℹ️ 🏆 46
Tinisimo
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Big-T'? Is that Biggus Tittus, or just a bloke with a big gut? No joke, no score.
 533 18 / 100 111
79
💎
Dan's Disco ℹ️ 🏆 28
Merm
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dan's Disco? Sounds like a village hall wedding. Where's the filth, mate?
 390 18 / 100 34
80
🍸
Gary’s Pub ℹ️ 🏆 41
Merm
the Pattaya Turtle says: Gary's Pub. Is Gary exciting? Probably not. Is his pub? Definitely not.
 392 18 / 100 135
81
🍻
Sabai Sabai Social ℹ️ 🏆 25
FreeRepublic
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody spa or a yoga retreat, not a place for a proper piss-up and a cheap laugh.
 729 18 / 100 24
82
💎
Sapphire Sala ℹ️ 🏆 40 ⚔️ Temptations
Kostis
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sapphire Sala, sounds like a yoga retreat, not somewhere you'd find a sticky wicket.
 631 18 / 100 15
83
🌙
Harpers ℹ️ 🏆 54
hammerhiem
the Pattaya Turtle says: Harpers? Sounds like a bloody women's magazine or a posh school. No thanks.
 703 15 / 100 135
84
👑
Dave bar ℹ️ 🏆 34
Dave1
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Dave bar' , whose Dave? Is he even funny? No, he's probably just Dave.
 398 12 / 100 117
85
🔥
Big-T2 ℹ️ 🏆 29
Tinisimo
the Pattaya Turtle says: Big-T2. What, like a robot that's a bit portly? Not funny, just confusing, like women.
 410 10 / 100 23
86
🍸
FreeRepublic ℹ️ 🏆 38
FreeRepublic
the Pattaya Turtle says: FreeRepublic, sounds like a political think tank, not somewhere to get arseholed.
 615 10 / 100 111
87
👑
Jamie's Bar ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 67 ⚔️ Higher and Rollier, Spinners
Jamie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jamie's bar? Who the hell is Jamie, and why should I care? Generic rubbish.
 791 8 / 100 133
88
🐲
Webbys ℹ️ 🏆 39
fortniteprogamer123
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a bloke's name, utterly pointless, no joke, no fun, go home.
 489 5 / 100 136
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