The archive

The Pattaya Turtle

The Pattaya Turtle is an in-world fictional newspaper inside Pattaya Bar Simulator. It runs a satirical morning brief every Thai day at 09:30, riffing on the previous night's matchups, league movers, and Soi Voice Tribune fake polls. Every past edition lives here, archived by date.

12 archived editions

Newest first. Click any edition for the full set of headlines and the day's fake poll.

Thursday, 21 May 2026
PATTAYA TURTLE: Quiet morning across the league, which the Turtle reads as plotting. Plotting confirmed.
Wednesday, 20 May 2026
PATTAYA TURTLE: League pulse running high. Three different owners just refreshed Earnings 47 times each. The Turtle counted.
Tuesday, 19 May 2026
PATTAYA TURTLE: League pulse running high. Three different owners just refreshed Earnings 47 times each. The Turtle counted.
Monday, 18 May 2026
PATTAYA TURTLE: League pulse running high. Three different owners just refreshed Earnings 47 times each. The Turtle counted.
Sunday, 17 May 2026
PATTAYA TURTLE: Quiet morning across the league, which the Turtle reads as plotting. Plotting confirmed.
Saturday, 16 May 2026
SOI VOICE TRIBUNE: Local owners report a 'huge night' with no specifics. The Tribune respects the bit.
Friday, 15 May 2026
PATTAYA TURTLE: Last night's drinks did the talking, this morning's owners doing the bragging, the Turtle taking dictation.
Thursday, 14 May 2026
PATTAYA TURTLE: Quiet morning across the league, which the Turtle reads as plotting. Plotting confirmed.
Wednesday, 13 May 2026
PATTAYA TURTLE: Quiet morning across the league, which the Turtle reads as plotting. Plotting confirmed.
Tuesday, 12 May 2026
PATTAYA TURTLE: Quiet morning across the league, which the Turtle reads as plotting. Plotting confirmed.
Monday, 11 May 2026
PATTAYA TURTLE: Quiet morning across the league, which the Turtle reads as plotting. Plotting confirmed.
Sunday, 10 May 2026
PATTAYA TURTLE: The morning brief has dropped, the Discord has erupted, the tier is alive. The Turtle is on the scene.