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26 / 619 bars
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Leaderboard

Bars ranked by name. Gemini's verdict, 0 to 100. Subjective, by design.

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League: Premier Championship League One League Two National Sunday Closed 26 / 619
# Bar Best day?Highest single-day drinks total this bar has posted.📖 Learn more Funny Score?Primary ranking metric for this leaderboard view, switch tabs to sort by a different metric.📖 Learn more Trend?7-day sparkline of daily drink totals, rising line means momentum is building, falling means cooling off. Days
1
🌴
Beef Curtains ℹ️ 🏆 31
Erddig ▲ 6
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely magnificent, a proper bit of filth that conjures up all sorts of images.
261 97 / 100 92
2
🐲
Goblin's Revenge III ℹ️ 🏆 32
goblinsrevenge ▲ 28
273 92 / 100 41
3
🌺
Bloody Shit BaR ℹ️ 🏆 29
Simply Red ▲ 38
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pure gold, simple, effective, and perfectly captures the spirit of a Friday night in Pattaya.
170 90 / 100 38
4
🐯
Eat your Arse 50 baht ℹ️ 🏆 28
Simply Red ▲ 39
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, crude, and a price point that screams Pattaya. Beautiful, like a fresh brown eye.
129 90 / 100 33
5
🍸
100% Chinese Girlz ℹ️ 🏆 38
chinesefinanciallaundromat
the Pattaya Turtle says: Another '100% Girlz' bar, pure filth and a guaranteed chuckle for any sloshed punter.
367 88 / 100 41
6
🐲
Sanctuary of Kream ℹ️ 🏆 28
JasS
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cream, kream, whatever, it's a good old fashioned wank joke, simple but effective, innit?
193 88 / 100 26
7
Sinderella's ℹ️ 🏆 20
hammerhiem75
the Pattaya Turtle says: A nice bit of phonetic filth, sounds like something you'd catch after a dirty weekend.
156 88 / 100 47
8
136 88 / 100 21
9
🐍
Bom-Bom Bar ℹ️ 🏆 18
Mamasan
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bom-Bom Bar. A bit of a phonetic treat, sounds like a proper dirty bang-bang joint.
231 82 / 100 41
10
Spunk Point 2 ℹ️ 🏆 32
Etherrider
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Spunk Point 2' is wonderfully crude and direct. The '2' is a nice touch, implying more where that came from.
210 80 / 100 95
11
🍸
Tramps ℹ️ 🏆 14
Irob
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Tramps' is a brilliant, blunt, and slightly offensive name, absolutely spot-on for a dirty laugh.
96 80 / 100 5
12
🎲
Ohboy ℹ️ 🏆 21
Jaxrebel
the Pattaya Turtle says: You can almost hear the 'Oh boy, not again' from a knackered expat after a big night.
132 75 / 100 19
13
🔥
The Faucet Inn ℹ️ 👑 2 🏆 48
QA2
282 75 / 100 99
14
🌺
Crap Bar ℹ️ 🏆 25
Simply Red
the Pattaya Turtle says: Honest, I'll give it that. Self-deprecating and you know exactly what you're getting. Solid.
128 70 / 100 37
15
The G Spot ℹ️ 🏆 34
Nickh
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of innuendo, simple and effective, gets the message across without being too subtle.
395 70 / 100 135
16
🔥
Almost Lady ℹ️ 🏆 28
XxRainXx
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a lady, eh? Sounds like a good night out in Pattaya if you're feeling adventurous.
408 68 / 100 19
17
🍸
Goldfingers ℹ️ 🏆 34
tangy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dirty, but not crude enough to reach the top tier. Could be a Bond villain or a bloke on Soi Buakhao.
364 68 / 100 81
18
👑
Rabbit Hole ℹ️ 🏆 31
Matt
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic euphemism, hints at adventure and mystery without being too crude.
186 68 / 100 131
19
🐲
The Lusty Leviathan ℹ️ 🏆 19
Noony
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Lusty Leviathan, a bit too high-brow for the average punter, but 'lusty' is always a good start.
262 68 / 100 8
20
🔥
Fireball ℹ️ 🏆 30
Perfect 10 Chief
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like a dose of clap, but it's not quite a full-on laugh.
290 65 / 100 75
21
🦁
🐯 The Pink Panther ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 49
DiscoStu
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit cliché, but The Pink Panther still conjures images of dodgy deals and even dodgier drinks, not bad.
255 65 / 100 32
22
🌴
Mai Pen Rai, Just Happy Bar ℹ️ 🏆 33
DavidPezz
the Pattaya Turtle says: Mai Pen Rai, Just Happy Bar, a bit long, a bit too sweet, but the sentiment's sound enough.
236 55 / 100 28
23
🎵
Divine Comedy ℹ️ 🏆 20
hammerhiem
the Pattaya Turtle says: Divine Comedy, a bit too high-brow for a boozy expat, needs more knob gags to land properly.
196 45 / 100 53
24
👑
Temptations ℹ️ 🏆 23
swamprat
the Pattaya Turtle says: Temptations, it's alright, a bit vanilla for Pattaya, doesn't quite get the old fella twitching.
282 45 / 100 29
25
🎵
Bell Bar ℹ️ 🏆 36
jeffreybell69
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bell Bar. Is it for ringing bells, or just incredibly boring? I'll go with boring.
279 20 / 100 102
26
Fatties BareBackBeerBar Soi7 ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 47
PattayaTizm Entertainment Holdings Ltd
449 unscored 117
🔔 Most bell rings this week
#1 Fruit Fizz 🔔 6
#2 Tip Not Included 🔔 5
#3 Koh Larn Karma 🔔 4
#4 Sangsom Sunday 🔔 4
#5 Thaiger Thaiger 🔔 3