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25 / 696 bars
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LEADERBOARDTonight's soi standings.

Leaderboard

Bars ranked by name. Gemini's verdict, 0 to 100. Subjective, by design.

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League: Premier Championship League One League Two National Sunday Closed 25 / 696
# Bar Best day?Highest single-day drinks total this bar has posted.📖 Learn more Funny Score?Primary ranking metric for this leaderboard view, switch tabs to sort by a different metric.📖 Learn more Trend?7-day sparkline of daily drink totals, rising line means momentum is building, falling means cooling off. Days
1
🐲
Goblin's Revenge III ℹ️ 🏆 36
goblinsrevenge
408 92 / 100 87
2
🏆
Kan't Kream ℹ️ 🏆 50 ⚔️ The Purple Pussy
JasS
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, sounds like a dirty protest, and a drunk expat would absolutely cackle at this.
256 92 / 100 61
3
🌙
Maggie Moans Darkride ℹ️ 🏆 30
Shandokan 71
the Pattaya Turtle says: Maggie Moans, sounds like a proper filthy old scrubber, and 'Darkride' is just a lovely bonus, you filthy git.
185 92 / 100 11
4
🐯
Eat your Arse 50 baht ℹ️ 🏆 32
Simply Red
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, crude, and a price point that screams Pattaya. Beautiful, like a fresh brown eye.
229 90 / 100 79
5
🐍
The Turgid Todger ℹ️ 🏆 36
TheTurgidTodger
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Turgid Todger', now that's a proper British dick joke, straight to the point and gloriously vulgar.
215 90 / 100 70
6
🍸
100% Chinese Girlz ℹ️ 🏆 43
chinesefinanciallaundromat
the Pattaya Turtle says: Another '100% Girlz' bar, pure filth and a guaranteed chuckle for any sloshed punter.
542 88 / 100 87
7
🍺
Fatties BareBackBeerBar Soi7 ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 53
PattayaTizm Entertainment Holdings Ltd
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fatties BareBackBeerBar' is a solid phonetic mouthful, like a good bar girl, and that's what counts.
587 88 / 100 163
8
🍸
Kathoey-Nassbereich ℹ️ 🏆 36
germanperversions
the Pattaya Turtle says: Kathoey Wet Area, eh? Sounds like a delightful place for a slip and slide, good and crude.
442 88 / 100 87
9
🐲
Sanctuary of Kream ℹ️ 🏆 43
JasS
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cream, kream, whatever, it's a good old fashioned wank joke, simple but effective, innit?
276 88 / 100 72
10
⚡
Tight Lips ℹ️ 🏆 41
Jet
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tight Lips, a classic. Either you're keeping a secret or you've had too much of something else, eh?
354 88 / 100 39
11
⚡
241 88 / 100 67
12
🐍
Which Way Is Walking Street? ℹ️ 🏆 30
Kostis
the Pattaya Turtle says: Every drunk sod asks this, a truly authentic Pattaya experience, you'll be laughing all the way to the wrong Soi.
166 88 / 100 6
13
🍸
350 Baht Ladydrinks ℹ️ 🏆 33
YouTubeCelebrityGroup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Good solid Pattaya context, but 'Ladydrinks' isn't quite as funny as 'Barfine' is it, you cheapskate.
372 75 / 100 82
14
🎲
Ohboy ℹ️ 🏆 26
Jaxrebel
the Pattaya Turtle says: You can almost hear the 'Oh boy, not again' from a knackered expat after a big night.
185 75 / 100 65
15
🍻
Bound Damsel Screams Mayday ℹ️ 🏆 35
Shandokan 71
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an ex-wife's hen party, not exactly a rip-roaring laugh for a pissed bloke.
242 68 / 100 15
16
🍸
Goldfingers ℹ️ 🏆 37
tangy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dirty, but not crude enough to reach the top tier. Could be a Bond villain or a bloke on Soi Buakhao.
364 68 / 100 127
17
👑
Rabbit Hole ℹ️ 🏆 36
Matt
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic euphemism, hints at adventure and mystery without being too crude.
235 68 / 100 177
18
🦁
Three Chang Thunder ℹ️ 🏆 23
Kostis
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a cheap Bangkok brothel, but a bit too polite for a proper laugh.
141 68 / 100 4
19
🌺
Dollhouse ℹ️ 🏆 37
Eh
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dollhouse, a classic, but a bit overused, still, it hints at what's inside.
404 55 / 100 145
20
🎵
Divine Comedy ℹ️ 🏆 22
hammerhiem
the Pattaya Turtle says: Divine Comedy, a bit too high-brow for a boozy expat, needs more knob gags to land properly.
214 45 / 100 99
21
🌴
Mai Pen Rai ℹ️ 🏆 29
DavidPezz
the Pattaya Turtle says: Mai Pen Rai means 'no worries', which is nice, but it's not going to make a drunk expat spray his Chang beer.
258 45 / 100 22
22
🐯
Tiger’s ℹ️ 🏆 29
CoconutLotus101
the Pattaya Turtle says: A big cat, a bit fierce, but where's the knob joke, mate?
236 30 / 100 21
23
✨
Starlights ℹ️ 🏆 16
Markyp
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a cheap hotel bar, not a place for proper debauchery and bad decisions.
184 25 / 100 64
24
🍸
__smoke_mid__ ℹ️ 🏆 15
__smoke_test_bot__
258 18 / 100 131
25
⚡
5 Straws ℹ️ 🏆 22
Elfinito
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a number and a thing, dull as dishwater, probably serves warm lager.
256 15 / 100 21
26
🎵
Neu Rose ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 47
Pakkad
the Pattaya Turtle says: Neu Rose? Sounds like a bloody florist's shop, or a new STI. Neither are appealing after midnight.
578 15 / 100 69
🔔 Most bell rings this week
#1 Fruit Fizz 🔔 6
#2 Folterkeller 🔔 6
#3 35 Virtual Ladydrinks Livestream Bar 🔔 6
#4 100% Laos Girlz 🔔 6
#5 Goblin's Revenge VI 🔔 5