Leaderboard

⚔️ League 📊 Leaderboard 🏆 Season 🎖 Honours 🏅 Achievements
🏆 Season Yesterday This week Revenue Earnings Avg / day 🏅 Achievements 💃 Team Value 🏘️ Groups 😂 Funniest
Premier Championship League One League Two National Sunday Closed
128 / 696 bars
🔍
META DIGEST
What the top 20 did yesterday
Captain picks · most rostered · chip usage
›
HONOURS BOARD
Every league champion, every season
The permanent record · once you're up, you're up forever
🏆
Funny Score · 129 bars
1
🌴
Muff DiversPREM 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolute genius, a classic crude body-part pun that's just perfect, maximum points.
2
👑
Pink pussyPREM 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Pink pussy' is utterly explicit, no messing about. Gets full marks for being exactly what it says on the tin. Blimey.
3
🍸
Cock Womble InnPREM 🔍
96 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, a made-up word that sounds utterly ridiculous and perfect for a bar.
4
🍸
Camel ToePREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brilliant, a visual pun that's both rude and memorable. Gets a hearty chuckle.
5
🍸
Cock Hungry Heifers 🐮PREM⭐ Veteran 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely brilliant, a proper image for a horny expat, straight to the top.
6
🐲
Dragon D's NutsPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dragon D's Nuts, that's just a classic, straight to the point, no messing about.
7
🐯
FiveStrawsOneCup Agogo Soi16PREM⭐ Founder 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Five Straws One Cup' , a classic bit of toilet humour, pure gold for a chuckle.
8
🍺
Pussy in HeatPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, no messing about. Any drunkard worth his salt would cackle like a hyena at that beauty.
9
🍸
Pussy in StockingsPREM 🔍
95 / 100
Best day: 457 drinks
10
🍺
Pussy in thongsPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bang on, that! Crude, direct, and paints a lovely mental picture for any drunk punter.
11
✨
The Backdoor BilbyPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Backdoor Bilby, now that's a keeper, sounds like something you'd find round the back of your missus.
12
⚡
Thunder CuntzPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Thunder Cuntz, straight to the point, no fannying about, you know exactly what you're getting, top marks.
13
🍻
Creampies R UsPREM 🔍
93 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, crude, and utterly unambiguous, just what a drunk expat wants to hear. No messing about here.
14
🐍
Rudolph's Dimwit Shortbus BarPREM 🔍
93 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Rudolph's Dimwit Shortbus Bar. That's a mouthful, mate, and every word paints a picture of glorious, drunken regret.
15
✨
Black StarPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an arsehole, the kind you’d find after a dodgy curry and a few Changs. Crude and simple.
16
🐲
Goblin's Revenge IPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Goblin's Revenge, eh? Sounds like a good night out after too many Singhas, ending with a sticky exit.
17
🐲
Hard Clit CafePREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hard Clit Cafe, sounds like a proper breakfast menu in a dodgy establishment, pure phonetic filth.
18
🏆
Hard cock cafePREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, love it. A hard cock and a cuppa, what more could a fella ask for, eh?
19
💎
Jigga Boo'sPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a dodgy fella trying to sell you a dodgy lapdance. Top shelf filth, that.
20
🌺
Klammy KreamPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, this sounds like a delightful medical condition or a dodgy massage. Pure filth, I love it.
21
🐍
Kolonic KreamPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks, mate. A proper laugh for any expat after a few Singhas. Sounds like a dessert and a medical procedure, brill…
22
🍸
Moist TacoPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Disgusting, vivid, and a bit much, which makes it absolutely brilliant for a bar name.
23
🏆
Punch Bowl BukkakePREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a drunken fight in a brothel, pure Pattaya gold.
24
🍸
Pussy in HeelsPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pussy in Heels, now that's a mental image for your dirty old Uncle Barry, proper top-shelf filth.
25
🐯
Tommy's Titty BarPREM 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tommy's Titty Bar, proper rhyming filth, that'll have 'em roaring on Soi Buakhao.
26
👑
Baht PlugsPREM 🔍
91 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Baht Plugs'. Short, punchy, and utterly crude. Perfect for a laugh, especially after a few Changs.
27
🌺
Bloody Shit BaRPREM 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pure gold, simple, effective, and perfectly captures the spirit of a Friday night in Pattaya.
28
🍸
CatflapsPREM 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, crude, and gets the image in your head. A proper laugh for the lads.
29
🍸
Pussy in BootsPREM 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A proper filthy twist on a classic, makes you wonder what's really in those boots.
30
🐯
Wild PussiesPREM 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wild Pussies, simple, effective, and makes me snort my beer out my nose, brilliant.
31
🍸
Big Ass Tittïes ( o )( o )PREM 🔍
89 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Visual, crude, and very much to the point, even if the emojis are a bit much. Gets the message across loud and clear.
32
🐯
100% Burmese GirlzPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Burmese Girlz' and '100%' sounds like a dodgy documentary you'd find in a back alley, perfect for a good laugh.
33
🌺
Creamy ClamsPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Creamy Clams, now that's a name that paints a picture, and it ain't a pretty one. Filthy, love it.
34
👑
Farang FarewellPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Farang Farewell, now that's got a nice ring to it, like a final wank before the flight home.
35
🍺
Fill Me UpPREM 🔍
88 / 100
Best day: 633 drinks
36
🐯
Golden KittyPREM⭐ Legend 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Golden Kitty, straight to the point, no faffing about, just like me on a Friday night.
37
🍸
Hard Nip CafePREM 🔍
88 / 100
Best day: 904 drinks
38
🌴
Hard Nut CafePREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hard Nut', eh? Simple, effective, and makes you think of a wanker's plums. Top notch.
39
🍻
Jim's Hi-HoPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an old geezer with a bad cough shouting about his lady parts, pure genius.
40
🐯
Kitty KreamPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kitty Kream', eh? Sounds like something you'd find under the counter in a dodgy chemist. Filthy, I like it.
41
🌴
Last Baht StandingPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Last Baht Standing', sounds like a night out with your missus, brilliant, gets a good laugh from the drunks.
42
🍸
Thai'd & TestedPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brilliant. A classic bit of double entendre, straight to the point and a proper giggle for any pervert. Love it.
43
🎲
The Dirty DingoPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dirty Dingo, lovely bit of alliteration and sounds like a proper filthy mongrel, brilliant.
44
🦁
The Hairy KoalaPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a proper jungle muff, that. Plenty of places to get lost in there, eh?
45
⚡
The loose caboosePREM 🔍
88 / 100
Best day: 722 drinks
46
🌺
The Ugly TreePREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a dodgy pun for a mangy bush, the kind you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole after a few Changs.
47
🌙
Tip Not IncludedPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tip Not Included, oh, that's just brilliant. Every expat's nightmare and a guaranteed laugh.
48
👑
Frodo's RingfingerPREM 🔍
87 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Frodo's Ringfinger, a proper rude one, that, subtle enough to be clever, crude enough to be funny.
49
🌺
Shaggie GaysPREM 🔍
87 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, that. Simple, crude, and rolls right off the tongue after a few Leo beers.
50
🎲
250 Baht Chang AgogoPREM 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top tier Pattaya filth, sounds like a proper dive where you'd lose a kidney and find a ladyboy.
51
🍸
Magic MidgetsPREM⭐ Legend 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Midgets, classic Viz material, it's got that daft, crude charm.
"Small Spells. Big Spirits"
52
🍺
The Blackhole BarPREM 🔍
83 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Love it, a magnificent name for a bar where your night, and perhaps your dignity, disappears forever.
53
🍸
TrampsPREM 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Tramps' is a brilliant, blunt, and slightly offensive name, absolutely spot-on for a dirty laugh.
54
🐲
Ale's Well That Ends WellPREM 🔍
78 / 100
Best day: 582 drinks
55
🍸
Ladee-BoisPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, that. Sounds exactly like what it is, and a drunk expat would love it.
56
🐲
Targaryen TartsPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A tart is a tart, especially on Soi Buakhao. Good, solid innuendo that gets straight to the point.
57
🐯
Thaiger ThaigerPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Good phonetic rhyme and a local touch, sounds like a place for a proper knees-up.
58
🍸
The Pour DecisionPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Pour Decision, a solid pun, makes you groan and laugh at the same time, like a good hangover.
59
🍻
The Wet PlatypusPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Wet Platypus', a bit unexpected, but 'wet' and 'platypus' together is just silly and funny.
60
🍻
Ting Tong TavernPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ting Tong Tavern, a classic, rolls off the tongue like a drunken confession, lovely bit of alliteration there.
61
🍸
Magic LadyboysPREM 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, gets the point across about the local delights without being overly crude.
62
🍺
Patts PlaypenPREM 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Patts Playpen. Nice phonetic ring to it, sounds like a place where things might get a bit mucky, like my undies.
63
🍸
The Goblin DungeonPREM 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Goblin Dungeon, conjures up images of short, ugly blokes and dark, sticky places, pretty funny.
64
🌺
Crap BarPREM 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Honest, I'll give it that. Self-deprecating and you know exactly what you're getting. Solid.
65
👑
Fame And FilthPREM 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fame And Filth'. It's got 'filth' in it, so that's a bonus. Solid, but not quite a body-part gold mine.
66
🦁
Phat Beach BarPREM 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phat Beach Bar, it's got a nice ring to it, a bit cheeky without trying too hard.
67
🐯
The Sign That Fell OffPREM 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Proper British pub name that. A bit of slapstick, a bit of 'oh dear'. Decent for a chuckle.
68
🔥
Almost LadyPREM 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a lady, eh? Sounds like a good night out in Pattaya if you're feeling adventurous.
69
🎵
Cheekys placePREM 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like somewhere you’d get a quick flash, a decent middle-of-the-road wank joke, that.
70
🍸
Cosmic CocktailsPREM 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: It's got a bit of a laugh, 'cosmic' and 'cocktails' suggests a good time, but it's not quite crude enough.
71
🍺
The Drunken BuffaloPREM 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Drunken Buffalo, sounds like something I'd wake up next to after a particularly rough night, decent.
72
🐲
The Lusty LeviathanPREM 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Lusty Leviathan, a bit too high-brow for the average punter, but 'lusty' is always a good start.
73
⚡
The Rowdy RooPREM 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a drunken fight club, not quite a full-on laugh but a good chuckle for a pissed expat.
74
✨
Bilbo's BenchPREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bilbo's Bench, a decent bit of innuendo there, but needs a second for the penny to drop.
75
🔥
InyourendoPREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, 'Innuendo', very clever, but it's not a rude body part or a proper filth pun, is it?
76
🌺
I take care youPREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: I take care you, classic Pattaya broken English, has a certain grubby charm to it.
77
⚡
Le Wet KissPREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of French class with a hint of naughtiness, not bad, not bad at all.
78
🌙
Round The World BarPREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Round The World Bar', alright, a bit of a chuckle for the seasoned punter, implies a good time if you catch my drift.
79
🐲
Wyverns and WenchesPREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wenches are good, but 'Wyverns' sounds like a fancy hotel trying to be a bit naughty, a bit too posh.
80
🐲
Drunken DragonPREM 🔍
62 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Drunken Dragon' is a decent image, but it's more fantasy than filth, just misses the top tier.
81
✨
Dragonfruit DiscoPREM 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dragonfruit Disco. A bit exotic and silly, but it needs a proper rude pun to score higher.
82
🍺
Drunken TookPREM 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Drunken Took, it's got a nice ring to it, like a bloke who's had one too many Changs.
83
🌙
Full MoonPREM 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Full Moon, decent double entendre, could mean a lot of things, none of them bad if you're a pervert.
84
🍸
Magic MushroomsPREM 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite the filth we're after, more for a student gap year than a proper bar fine.
85
🌴
Mai Pen Rai, Just Happy BarPREM 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Mai Pen Rai, Just Happy Bar, a bit long, a bit too sweet, but the sentiment's sound enough.
86
🍻
SpinnersPREM 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Could be a washing machine or something else entirely. Bit of innuendo, but not enough oomph.
87
🎲
Worst Bar EverPREM 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Self-deprecating humour, decent enough, but doesn't quite hit the filthy heights.
88
🦁
Acreman: EndgamePREM 🔍
50 / 100
Best day: 427 drinks
89
🍸
BrassHousePREM 🔍
50 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: It's alright, a decent play on 'brass house', but it needs a bit more filth to score higher.
90
🍸
Magic ShotsPREM🚪 SHUT 🔍
48 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Shots, implies there’s something special in 'em, probably just cheap whiskey and regret.
91
🐯
Galaxy Brain BarPREM 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too clever for the average punter, but 'brain' has a nice, wobbly feel to it.
92
🍸
Magic VibePREM🚪 SHUT 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Vibe, sounds like a bloody sex toy, not a bar. Still, could be worse.
93
🍻
Tam Amarai B!±¢Π€§💥PREM 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the flying fuck is that, looks like a cat fell on the keyboard. Not much of a laugh.
94
👑
TemptationsPREM 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Temptations, it's alright, a bit vanilla for Pattaya, doesn't quite get the old fella twitching.
95
🌙
The Darkside BarPREM 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Darkside Bar. Trying a bit too hard to be edgy, ends up just being a bit dull.
96
✨
The HaremPREM 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Harem' is a bit too sophisticated, like a fella who thinks he's posh but just smells of Lynx Africa.
97
🍸
Magic RoomPREM 🔍
42 / 100
Best day: 386 drinks
98
🍻
Happy Hour ForeverPREM 🔍
40 / 100
Best day: 623 drinks
99
✨
Where you goooo!PREM 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit daft, like a drunk fella trying to remember where he lives. Could be worse, could be 'Heaven XOXO'.
100
🍸
Magic ElixirPREM 🔍
38 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Elixir, a bit too whimsical and fairy-like, needs more grit.
101
🍸
Magic TimePREM 🔍
38 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Time, eh? Is that what the missus says when I finally manage a semi?
102
🏆
Fruit FizzPREM 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bit bland, sounds like a fruity drink, not a place for a proper piss-up and a poke.
103
💎
No RegretsPREM 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'No regrets' just sounds like a sad expat on Soi Buakhao after a bad bar fine, not funny.
104
🐲
Paradise LostPREM 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Paradise Lost, a bit too literary and mopey for a good laugh, mate, not quite 'come on you cocks'.
105
🌴
Second Road SaloonPREM 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Right, a saloon, on Second Road, riveting. Where's the laugh, eh?
106
🍻
Chang GardenPREM 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a beer and a plant. Not a bad place to get a pint, but where's the joke, eh?
107
✨
Higher and RollierPREM⭐ Magnate 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Higher and Rollier, a bit too clever by half, mate, we're not doing a bloody crossword.
"Because it started, there"
108
🍸
Maggie May's DarksidePREM 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Adding 'Darkside' doesn't make 'Maggie May's' any less dull. Still a bit bland.
109
🍸
Magic SocietyPREM 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Society, sounds like a cult for amateur magicians, no thanks.
110
🍸
Desire'sPREM 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too flowery, too romantic. This is Pattaya, not a bleeding bridal shop.
111
🌺
Red Lotus LoungePREM 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Red Lotus Lounge'. Sounds like a bloody spa where you get a lovely facial, not a place for a proper piss-up.
112
🏆
Scorpion & SodaPREM 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Scorpion and Soda, sounds like a cheap cocktail, not a laugh. Too much effort for too little payoff.
113
🍸
Maggie May's JomtienPREM 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jomtien is a place, Maggie May's is a name. No joke, no laugh, just boring.
114
🎲
RedS Tiki BarPREM 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: RedS Tiki Bar, a bit generic, sounds like a chain you'd find at an airport.
115
🌴
Chang Paradise 2PREM🚪 SHUT 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chang Paradise 2, 'Paradise' is a death knell for fun, mate, and a number? Forget it.
116
🔥
Big-TPREM 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Big-T'? Is that Biggus Tittus, or just a bloke with a big gut? No joke, no score.
117
💎
Dan's DiscoPREM 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dan's Disco? Sounds like a village hall wedding. Where's the filth, mate?
118
🍸
Gary’s PubPREM 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Gary's Pub. Is Gary exciting? Probably not. Is his pub? Definitely not.
119
🍻
Sabai Sabai SocialPREM 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody spa or a yoga retreat, not a place for a proper piss-up and a cheap laugh.
120
💎
Sapphire SalaPREM 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sapphire Sala, sounds like a yoga retreat, not somewhere you'd find a sticky wicket.
121
🍸
__smoke_whale__PREM 🔍
18 / 100
Best day: 398 drinks
122
🌙
HarpersPREM 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Harpers? Sounds like a bloody women's magazine or a posh school. No thanks.
123
🍸
Koh Larn KarmaPREM 🔍
15 / 100
Best day: 412 drinks
124
👑
SIG BarPREM 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: SIG? Sounds like a financial institution, not somewhere you’d get a raging hard-on after 12 pints.
125
👑
Dave barPREM 🔍
12 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Dave bar' , whose Dave? Is he even funny? No, he's probably just Dave.
126
🔥
Big-T2PREM 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Big-T2. What, like a robot that's a bit portly? Not funny, just confusing, like women.
127
🍸
FreeRepublicPREM 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: FreeRepublic, sounds like a political think tank, not somewhere to get arseholed.
128
👑
Jamie's BarPREM 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jamie's bar? Who the hell is Jamie, and why should I care? Generic rubbish.
129
🐲
WebbysPREM 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a bloke's name, utterly pointless, no joke, no fun, go home.
Top ringers this week
🔔
#1
🏆
Fruit Fizz
6 🔔
#2
⚡
Folterkeller
6 🔔
#3
🎵
35 Virtual Ladydrinks Livestream Bar
6 🔔
#4
🍸
100% Laos Girlz
6 🔔
#5
🍸
Goblin's Revenge VI
5 🔔
Bar chalkboard league ladder
LEADERBOARDTonight's soi standings.

Leaderboard

Bars ranked by name. Gemini's verdict, 0 to 100. Subjective, by design.

🔍
Meta digest, what the top 20 did yesterday
Captain picks · most rostered · chip usage · personalised gap analysis
›
🏆
Honours Board, every league champion ever crowned
The permanent record, one section per league · once you're up, you're up forever
›
🏆 Season
Yesterday This week
Revenue Earnings Avg / day
🏅 Achievements 💃 Team Value 🏘️ Groups 👑 Empires 😂 Funniest
League: Premier Championship League One League Two National Sunday Closed 128 / 696
🔍
🥈 #2
Pink pussy
98 / 100
Don Charlie
🥇 #1
Muff Divers
98 / 100
WitchDoctor
🥉 #3
Cock Womble Inn
96 / 100
Irob
# Bar Best day?Highest single-day drinks total this bar has posted.📖 Learn more Funny Score?Primary ranking metric for this leaderboard view, switch tabs to sort by a different metric.📖 Learn more Trend?7-day sparkline of daily drink totals, rising line means momentum is building, falling means cooling off. Days
1
🌴
Muff Divers ℹ️ 🏆 44
WitchDoctor
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolute genius, a classic crude body-part pun that's just perfect, maximum points.
 376 98 / 100 180
2
👑
Pink pussy ℹ️ 🏆 49 ⚔️ Worst Bar Ever, Big Bush Bar
Don Charlie
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Pink pussy' is utterly explicit, no messing about. Gets full marks for being exactly what it says on the tin. Blimey.
 537 98 / 100 143
3
🍸
Cock Womble Inn ℹ️ 🏆 54
Irob
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, a made-up word that sounds utterly ridiculous and perfect for a bar.
 524 96 / 100 171
4
🍸
Camel Toe ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 45
Jamie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brilliant, a visual pun that's both rude and memorable. Gets a hearty chuckle.
 301 95 / 100 179
5
🍸
Cock Hungry Heifers 🐮 ℹ️ ⭐ Veteran 👑 4 🏆 65 ⚔️ Harpers
QA2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely brilliant, a proper image for a horny expat, straight to the top.
 724 95 / 100 182
6
🐲
Dragon D's Nuts ℹ️ 🏆 55 ⚔️ The Goblin Dungeon
Noony
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dragon D's Nuts, that's just a classic, straight to the point, no messing about.
 804 95 / 100 125
7
🐯
FiveStrawsOneCup Agogo Soi16 ℹ️ ⭐ Founder 👑 5 🏆 75
PattayaTizm Entertainment Holdings Ltd
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Five Straws One Cup' , a classic bit of toilet humour, pure gold for a chuckle.
 1,040 95 / 100 165
8
🍺
Pussy in Heat ℹ️ 🏆 34
Welsh1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, no messing about. Any drunkard worth his salt would cackle like a hyena at that beauty.
 416 95 / 100 27
9
🍸
Pussy in Stockings ℹ️ 🏆 40
Welsh1
457 95 / 100 46
10
🍺
Pussy in thongs ℹ️ 🏆 43 ⚔️ No Regrets
Welsh1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bang on, that! Crude, direct, and paints a lovely mental picture for any drunk punter.
 456 95 / 100 83
11
✨
The Backdoor Bilby ℹ️ 🏆 42
MattHam
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Backdoor Bilby, now that's a keeper, sounds like something you'd find round the back of your missus.
 504 95 / 100 137
12
⚡
Thunder Cuntz ℹ️ 🏆 52
r1ch@rd
the Pattaya Turtle says: Thunder Cuntz, straight to the point, no fannying about, you know exactly what you're getting, top marks.
 817 95 / 100 140
13
🍻
Creampies R Us ℹ️ 🏆 44
Rabsie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, crude, and utterly unambiguous, just what a drunk expat wants to hear. No messing about here.
 443 93 / 100 59
14
🐍
Rudolph's Dimwit Shortbus Bar ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 20
PattayaTizm Entertainment Holdings Ltd
the Pattaya Turtle says: Rudolph's Dimwit Shortbus Bar. That's a mouthful, mate, and every word paints a picture of glorious, drunken regret.
 66 93 / 100 16
15
✨
Black Star ℹ️ 🏆 40
Johnny
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an arsehole, the kind you’d find after a dodgy curry and a few Changs. Crude and simple.
 609 92 / 100 61
16
🐲
Goblin's Revenge I ℹ️ 🏆 41
goblinsrevenge
the Pattaya Turtle says: Goblin's Revenge, eh? Sounds like a good night out after too many Singhas, ending with a sticky exit.
 353 92 / 100 89
17
🐲
Hard Clit Cafe ℹ️ 🏆 43
Bugaloo
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hard Clit Cafe, sounds like a proper breakfast menu in a dodgy establishment, pure phonetic filth.
 692 92 / 100 37
18
🏆
Hard cock cafe ℹ️ 🏆 61 ⚔️ Desire's, SIG Bar
Bugaloo
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, love it. A hard cock and a cuppa, what more could a fella ask for, eh?
 1,014 92 / 100 137
19
💎
Jigga Boo's ℹ️ 🏆 39
Jerryx4
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a dodgy fella trying to sell you a dodgy lapdance. Top shelf filth, that.
 449 92 / 100 138
20
🌺
Klammy Kream ℹ️ 🏆 47
JasS
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, this sounds like a delightful medical condition or a dodgy massage. Pure filth, I love it.
 850 92 / 100 134
21
🐍
Kolonic Kream ℹ️ 🏆 46
JasS
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks, mate. A proper laugh for any expat after a few Singhas. Sounds like a dessert and a medical procedure, brill…
 738 92 / 100 111
22
🍸
Moist Taco ℹ️ 🏆 55
Sagu
the Pattaya Turtle says: Disgusting, vivid, and a bit much, which makes it absolutely brilliant for a bar name.
 714 92 / 100 179
23
🏆
Punch Bowl Bukkake ℹ️ 🏆 42
punchbowlbukkake
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a drunken fight in a brothel, pure Pattaya gold.
 536 92 / 100 121
24
🍸
Pussy in Heels ℹ️ 🏆 47
Welsh1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pussy in Heels, now that's a mental image for your dirty old Uncle Barry, proper top-shelf filth.
 526 92 / 100 117
25
🐯
Tommy's Titty Bar ℹ️ 🏆 49
Tom - GentsClubs.com
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tommy's Titty Bar, proper rhyming filth, that'll have 'em roaring on Soi Buakhao.
 559 92 / 100 180
26
👑
Baht Plugs ℹ️ 🏆 41
Perverted Soi Dog
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Baht Plugs'. Short, punchy, and utterly crude. Perfect for a laugh, especially after a few Changs.
 939 91 / 100 133
27
🌺
Bloody Shit BaR ℹ️ 🏆 35
Simply Red
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pure gold, simple, effective, and perfectly captures the spirit of a Friday night in Pattaya.
 343 90 / 100 84
28
🍸
Catflaps ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 47
Jamie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, crude, and gets the image in your head. A proper laugh for the lads.
 451 90 / 100 179
29
🍸
Pussy in Boots ℹ️ 🏆 52 ⚔️ Magic Midgets
Welsh1
the Pattaya Turtle says: A proper filthy twist on a classic, makes you wonder what's really in those boots.
 629 90 / 100 174
30
🐯
Wild Pussies ℹ️ 🏆 64 ⚔️ Fatties BareBackBeerBar Soi7
r1ch@rd
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wild Pussies, simple, effective, and makes me snort my beer out my nose, brilliant.
 862 90 / 100 182
31
🍸
Big Ass Tittïes ( o )( o ) ℹ️ 🏆 47 ⚔️ Almost Lady
Don Charlie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Visual, crude, and very much to the point, even if the emojis are a bit much. Gets the message across loud and clear.
 432 89 / 100 59
32
🐯
100% Burmese Girlz ℹ️ 🏆 41
chinesefinanciallaundromat
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Burmese Girlz' and '100%' sounds like a dodgy documentary you'd find in a back alley, perfect for a good laugh.
 641 88 / 100 93
33
🌺
Creamy Clams ℹ️ 🏆 27
Dave69
the Pattaya Turtle says: Creamy Clams, now that's a name that paints a picture, and it ain't a pretty one. Filthy, love it.
 468 88 / 100 41
34
👑
Farang Farewell ℹ️ 🏆 43
Dave69
the Pattaya Turtle says: Farang Farewell, now that's got a nice ring to it, like a final wank before the flight home.
 729 88 / 100 122
35
🍺
Fill Me Up ℹ️ 🏆 53 ⚔️ Magic Midgets
Rabsie
633 88 / 100 81
36
🐯
Golden Kitty ℹ️ ⭐ Legend 👑 5 🏆 72
Zephio
the Pattaya Turtle says: Golden Kitty, straight to the point, no faffing about, just like me on a Friday night.
 1,138 88 / 100 182
37
🍸
Hard Nip Cafe ℹ️ 🏆 43
Bugaloo
904 88 / 100 69
38
🌴
Hard Nut Cafe ℹ️ 🏆 39
Bugaloo
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hard Nut', eh? Simple, effective, and makes you think of a wanker's plums. Top notch.
 595 88 / 100 36
39
🍻
Jim's Hi-Ho ℹ️ 🏆 35
Merm
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an old geezer with a bad cough shouting about his lady parts, pure genius.
 603 88 / 100 130
40
🐯
Kitty Kream ℹ️ 🏆 58
JasS
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kitty Kream', eh? Sounds like something you'd find under the counter in a dodgy chemist. Filthy, I like it.
 909 88 / 100 180
41
🌴
Last Baht Standing ℹ️ 🏆 32
Dave69
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Last Baht Standing', sounds like a night out with your missus, brilliant, gets a good laugh from the drunks.
 708 88 / 100 111
42
🍸
Thai'd & Tested ℹ️ 🏆 29
FreeRepublic
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brilliant. A classic bit of double entendre, straight to the point and a proper giggle for any pervert. Love it.
 673 88 / 100 42
43
🎲
The Dirty Dingo ℹ️ 🏆 43
MattHam
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dirty Dingo, lovely bit of alliteration and sounds like a proper filthy mongrel, brilliant.
 589 88 / 100 140
44
🦁
The Hairy Koala ℹ️ 🏆 48
MattHam
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a proper jungle muff, that. Plenty of places to get lost in there, eh?
 703 88 / 100 147
45
⚡
The loose caboose ℹ️ 🏆 39
WdeeForty
722 88 / 100 173
46
🌺
The Ugly Tree ℹ️ 🏆 39
MattHam
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a dodgy pun for a mangy bush, the kind you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole after a few Changs.
 592 88 / 100 114
47
🌙
Tip Not Included ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 45
Zephio
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tip Not Included, oh, that's just brilliant. Every expat's nightmare and a guaranteed laugh.
 395 88 / 100 145
48
👑
Frodo's Ringfinger ℹ️ 🏆 60 ⚔️ Magic Society, Shaggie Gays
Steven
the Pattaya Turtle says: Frodo's Ringfinger, a proper rude one, that, subtle enough to be clever, crude enough to be funny.
 828 87 / 100 181
49
🌺
Shaggie Gays ℹ️ 🏆 55
Adam
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, that. Simple, crude, and rolls right off the tongue after a few Leo beers.
 963 87 / 100 182
50
🎲
250 Baht Chang Agogo ℹ️ 🏆 45
YouTubeCelebrityGroup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top tier Pattaya filth, sounds like a proper dive where you'd lose a kidney and find a ladyboy.
 494 85 / 100 135
51
🍸
Magic Midgets ℹ️ ⭐ Legend 👑 5 🏆 82 ⚔️ Higher and Rollier
Jazup
"Small Spells. Big Spirits"
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Midgets, classic Viz material, it's got that daft, crude charm.
 720 85 / 100 182
52
🍺
The Blackhole Bar ℹ️ 🏆 36
Irob
the Pattaya Turtle says: Love it, a magnificent name for a bar where your night, and perhaps your dignity, disappears forever.
 377 83 / 100 103
53
🍸
Tramps ℹ️ 🏆 30
Irob
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Tramps' is a brilliant, blunt, and slightly offensive name, absolutely spot-on for a dirty laugh.
 404 80 / 100 51
54
🐲
582 78 / 100 67
55
🍸
Ladee-Bois ℹ️ 🏆 46
skin_glyder316
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, that. Sounds exactly like what it is, and a drunk expat would love it.
 811 78 / 100 146
56
🐲
Targaryen Tarts ℹ️ 🏆 31
Noony
the Pattaya Turtle says: A tart is a tart, especially on Soi Buakhao. Good, solid innuendo that gets straight to the point.
 505 78 / 100 36
57
🐯
Thaiger Thaiger ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 62
DiscoStu
the Pattaya Turtle says: Good phonetic rhyme and a local touch, sounds like a place for a proper knees-up.
 1,195 78 / 100 174
58
🍸
The Pour Decision ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 47
Zephio
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Pour Decision, a solid pun, makes you groan and laugh at the same time, like a good hangover.
 350 78 / 100 145
59
🍻
The Wet Platypus ℹ️ 🏆 53
MattHam
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Wet Platypus', a bit unexpected, but 'wet' and 'platypus' together is just silly and funny.
 590 78 / 100 158
60
🍻
Ting Tong Tavern ℹ️ 🏆 38
Manu_86
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ting Tong Tavern, a classic, rolls off the tongue like a drunken confession, lovely bit of alliteration there.
 487 78 / 100 47
61
🍸
Magic Ladyboys ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 46
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, gets the point across about the local delights without being overly crude.
 538 75 / 100 181
62
🍺
Patts Playpen ℹ️ 🏆 50
HelloImNotJohnnyCash
the Pattaya Turtle says: Patts Playpen. Nice phonetic ring to it, sounds like a place where things might get a bit mucky, like my undies.
 596 75 / 100 69
63
🍸
The Goblin Dungeon ℹ️ 🏆 51 ⚔️ Get Lucky with Goblin
therealgiftza
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Goblin Dungeon, conjures up images of short, ugly blokes and dark, sticky places, pretty funny.
 780 75 / 100 139
64
🌺
Crap Bar ℹ️ 🏆 38
Simply Red
the Pattaya Turtle says: Honest, I'll give it that. Self-deprecating and you know exactly what you're getting. Solid.
 379 70 / 100 83
65
👑
Fame And Filth ℹ️ 🏆 49
FilthyFame
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fame And Filth'. It's got 'filth' in it, so that's a bonus. Solid, but not quite a body-part gold mine.
 746 70 / 100 126
66
🦁
Phat Beach Bar ℹ️ 🏆 63 ⚔️ Dampfende Lederhose
Irob
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phat Beach Bar, it's got a nice ring to it, a bit cheeky without trying too hard.
 951 70 / 100 178
67
🐯
The Sign That Fell Off ℹ️ 🏆 48
Irob
the Pattaya Turtle says: Proper British pub name that. A bit of slapstick, a bit of 'oh dear'. Decent for a chuckle.
 534 70 / 100 146
68
🔥
Almost Lady ℹ️ 🏆 42
Pita
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a lady, eh? Sounds like a good night out in Pattaya if you're feeling adventurous.
 663 68 / 100 65
69
🎵
Cheekys place ℹ️ 🏆 48
cheekymonkey
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like somewhere you’d get a quick flash, a decent middle-of-the-road wank joke, that.
 447 68 / 100 117
70
🍸
Cosmic Cocktails ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 51
Zephio
the Pattaya Turtle says: It's got a bit of a laugh, 'cosmic' and 'cocktails' suggests a good time, but it's not quite crude enough.
 597 68 / 100 158
71
🍺
The Drunken Buffalo ℹ️ 🏆 40
Sagu
the Pattaya Turtle says: Drunken Buffalo, sounds like something I'd wake up next to after a particularly rough night, decent.
 261 68 / 100 140
72
🐲
The Lusty Leviathan ℹ️ 🏆 31
Noony
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Lusty Leviathan, a bit too high-brow for the average punter, but 'lusty' is always a good start.
 573 68 / 100 54
73
⚡
The Rowdy Roo ℹ️ 🏆 42
MattHam
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a drunken fight club, not quite a full-on laugh but a good chuckle for a pissed expat.
 506 68 / 100 138
74
✨
Bilbo's Bench ℹ️ 🏆 45
Steven
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bilbo's Bench, a decent bit of innuendo there, but needs a second for the penny to drop.
 546 65 / 100 176
75
🔥
Inyourendo ℹ️ 🏆 29
Merm
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, 'Innuendo', very clever, but it's not a rude body part or a proper filth pun, is it?
 380 65 / 100 72
76
🌺
I take care you ℹ️ 🏆 37
prowlah
the Pattaya Turtle says: I take care you, classic Pattaya broken English, has a certain grubby charm to it.
 575 65 / 100 60
77
⚡
Le Wet Kiss ℹ️ 🏆 52 ⚔️ Camel Toe, Wild Pussies
handsum_man
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of French class with a hint of naughtiness, not bad, not bad at all.
 593 65 / 100 173
78
🌙
Round The World Bar ℹ️ 🏆 34
Dave69
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Round The World Bar', alright, a bit of a chuckle for the seasoned punter, implies a good time if you catch my drift.
 498 65 / 100 111
79
🐲
Wyverns and Wenches ℹ️ 🏆 37
Noony
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wenches are good, but 'Wyverns' sounds like a fancy hotel trying to be a bit naughty, a bit too posh.
 566 65 / 100 81
80
🐲
Drunken Dragon ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 47
Zephio
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Drunken Dragon' is a decent image, but it's more fantasy than filth, just misses the top tier.
 485 62 / 100 151
81
✨
Dragonfruit Disco ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 44
Zephio
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dragonfruit Disco. A bit exotic and silly, but it needs a proper rude pun to score higher.
 422 60 / 100 149
82
🍺
Drunken Took ℹ️ 🏆 51
Steven
the Pattaya Turtle says: Drunken Took, it's got a nice ring to it, like a bloke who's had one too many Changs.
 713 55 / 100 182
83
🌙
Full Moon ℹ️ 🏆 41
Sagu
the Pattaya Turtle says: Full Moon, decent double entendre, could mean a lot of things, none of them bad if you're a pervert.
 599 55 / 100 146
84
🍸
Magic Mushrooms ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 47
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite the filth we're after, more for a student gap year than a proper bar fine.
 521 55 / 100 181
85
🌴
Mai Pen Rai, Just Happy Bar ℹ️ 🏆 46
DavidPezz
the Pattaya Turtle says: Mai Pen Rai, Just Happy Bar, a bit long, a bit too sweet, but the sentiment's sound enough.
 417 55 / 100 74
86
🍻
Spinners ℹ️ 🏆 59
SpinnersBoss
the Pattaya Turtle says: Could be a washing machine or something else entirely. Bit of innuendo, but not enough oomph.
 1,126 55 / 100 181
87
🎲
Worst Bar Ever ℹ️ 👑 4 🏆 62
QA2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Self-deprecating humour, decent enough, but doesn't quite hit the filthy heights.
 480 55 / 100 174
88
🦁
Acreman: Endgame ℹ️ 🏆 38
Adam
427 50 / 100 142
89
🍸
BrassHouse ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 48
Jamie
the Pattaya Turtle says: It's alright, a decent play on 'brass house', but it needs a bit more filth to score higher.
 279 50 / 100 179
90
🍸
Magic Shots🚪 SHUT ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 30
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Shots, implies there’s something special in 'em, probably just cheap whiskey and regret.
 172 48 / 100 146
91
🐯
Galaxy Brain Bar ℹ️ 🏆 38
Kostis
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too clever for the average punter, but 'brain' has a nice, wobbly feel to it.
 612 45 / 100 24
92
🍸
Magic Vibe🚪 SHUT ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 30
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Vibe, sounds like a bloody sex toy, not a bar. Still, could be worse.
 224 45 / 100 146
93
🍻
Tam Amarai B!±¢Π€§💥 ℹ️ 🏆 45
Don Charlie
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the flying fuck is that, looks like a cat fell on the keyboard. Not much of a laugh.
 467 45 / 100 83
94
👑
Temptations ℹ️ 🏆 33
swamprat
the Pattaya Turtle says: Temptations, it's alright, a bit vanilla for Pattaya, doesn't quite get the old fella twitching.
 545 45 / 100 75
95
🌙
The Darkside Bar ℹ️ 🏆 40
Sagu
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Darkside Bar. Trying a bit too hard to be edgy, ends up just being a bit dull.
 603 45 / 100 149
96
✨
The Harem ℹ️ 🏆 49
Shandokan 71
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Harem' is a bit too sophisticated, like a fella who thinks he's posh but just smells of Lynx Africa.
 645 45 / 100 46
97
🍸
Magic Room ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 32
Jazup
386 42 / 100 146
98
🍻
Happy Hour Forever ℹ️ 🏆 40
Sagu
623 40 / 100 144
99
✨
Where you goooo! ℹ️ 🏆 41 ⚔️ I take care you
prowlah
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit daft, like a drunk fella trying to remember where he lives. Could be worse, could be 'Heaven XOXO'.
 672 40 / 100 71
100
🍸
Magic Elixir ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 44
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Elixir, a bit too whimsical and fairy-like, needs more grit.
 389 38 / 100 175
101
🍸
Magic Time ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 32
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Time, eh? Is that what the missus says when I finally manage a semi?
 242 38 / 100 146
102
🏆
Fruit Fizz ℹ️ 🏆 37
Sagu
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bit bland, sounds like a fruity drink, not a place for a proper piss-up and a poke.
 250 35 / 100 129
103
💎
No Regrets ℹ️ 🏆 45
Sagu
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'No regrets' just sounds like a sad expat on Soi Buakhao after a bad bar fine, not funny.
 648 35 / 100 154
104
🐲
Paradise Lost ℹ️ 🏆 30
hammerhiem
the Pattaya Turtle says: Paradise Lost, a bit too literary and mopey for a good laugh, mate, not quite 'come on you cocks'.
 410 35 / 100 139
105
🌴
Second Road Saloon ℹ️ 🏆 43
Irob
the Pattaya Turtle says: Right, a saloon, on Second Road, riveting. Where's the laugh, eh?
 419 35 / 100 112
106
🍻
Chang Garden ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 44
Zephio
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a beer and a plant. Not a bad place to get a pint, but where's the joke, eh?
 526 30 / 100 146
107
✨
Higher and Rollier ℹ️ ⭐ Magnate 👑 5 🏆 77
Suunshiiiine
"Because it started, there"
the Pattaya Turtle says: Higher and Rollier, a bit too clever by half, mate, we're not doing a bloody crossword.
 1,229 30 / 100 182
108
🍸
Maggie May's Darkside ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 46
Jamie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Adding 'Darkside' doesn't make 'Maggie May's' any less dull. Still a bit bland.
 379 30 / 100 179
109
🍸
Magic Society ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 43
Jazup
the Pattaya Turtle says: Magic Society, sounds like a cult for amateur magicians, no thanks.
 429 30 / 100 175
110
🍸
Desire's ℹ️ 🏆 47
swamprat
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too flowery, too romantic. This is Pattaya, not a bleeding bridal shop.
 756 28 / 100 177
111
🌺
Red Lotus Lounge ℹ️ 🏆 23
Dave69
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Red Lotus Lounge'. Sounds like a bloody spa where you get a lovely facial, not a place for a proper piss-up.
 225 28 / 100 34
112
🏆
Scorpion & Soda ℹ️ 🏆 41
Kostis
the Pattaya Turtle says: Scorpion and Soda, sounds like a cheap cocktail, not a laugh. Too much effort for too little payoff.
 581 28 / 100 39
113
🍸
Maggie May's Jomtien ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 45
Jamie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jomtien is a place, Maggie May's is a name. No joke, no laugh, just boring.
 356 25 / 100 179
114
🎲
RedS Tiki Bar ℹ️ 🏆 58 ⚔️ 100% Burmese Girlz, Bloody Shit BaR
Simply Red
the Pattaya Turtle says: RedS Tiki Bar, a bit generic, sounds like a chain you'd find at an airport.
 673 22 / 100 182
115
🌴
Chang Paradise 2🚪 SHUT ℹ️ 🏆 36
pet0r2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chang Paradise 2, 'Paradise' is a death knell for fun, mate, and a number? Forget it.
 506 20 / 100 182
116
🔥
Big-T ℹ️ 🏆 49
Tinisimo
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Big-T'? Is that Biggus Tittus, or just a bloke with a big gut? No joke, no score.
 533 18 / 100 157
117
💎
Dan's Disco ℹ️ 🏆 32
Merm
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dan's Disco? Sounds like a village hall wedding. Where's the filth, mate?
 611 18 / 100 80
118
🍸
Gary’s Pub ℹ️ 🏆 45
Merm
the Pattaya Turtle says: Gary's Pub. Is Gary exciting? Probably not. Is his pub? Definitely not.
 657 18 / 100 181
119
🍻
Sabai Sabai Social ℹ️ 🏆 31
FreeRepublic
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody spa or a yoga retreat, not a place for a proper piss-up and a cheap laugh.
 729 18 / 100 70
120
💎
Sapphire Sala ℹ️ 🏆 53 ⚔️ Temptations
Kostis
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sapphire Sala, sounds like a yoga retreat, not somewhere you'd find a sticky wicket.
 780 18 / 100 61
121
🍸
__smoke_whale__ ℹ️ 🏆 16
__smoke_test_bot__
398 18 / 100 131
122
🌙
Harpers ℹ️ 🏆 57
hammerhiem
the Pattaya Turtle says: Harpers? Sounds like a bloody women's magazine or a posh school. No thanks.
 703 15 / 100 181
123
🍸
Koh Larn Karma ℹ️ 🏆 32
Dave69
412 15 / 100 111
124
👑
SIG Bar ℹ️ 🏆 49
Charkel
the Pattaya Turtle says: SIG? Sounds like a financial institution, not somewhere you’d get a raging hard-on after 12 pints.
 561 15 / 100 133
125
👑
Dave bar ℹ️ 🏆 36
Dave1
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Dave bar' , whose Dave? Is he even funny? No, he's probably just Dave.
 398 12 / 100 163
126
🔥
Big-T2 ℹ️ 🏆 34
Tinisimo
the Pattaya Turtle says: Big-T2. What, like a robot that's a bit portly? Not funny, just confusing, like women.
 538 10 / 100 69
127
🍸
FreeRepublic ℹ️ 🏆 40
FreeRepublic
the Pattaya Turtle says: FreeRepublic, sounds like a political think tank, not somewhere to get arseholed.
 748 10 / 100 157
128
👑
Jamie's Bar ℹ️ 👑 5 🏆 68 ⚔️ Higher and Rollier, Spinners
Jamie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jamie's bar? Who the hell is Jamie, and why should I care? Generic rubbish.
 797 8 / 100 179
129
🐲
Webbys ℹ️ 🏆 46
fortniteprogamer123
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a bloke's name, utterly pointless, no joke, no fun, go home.
 489 5 / 100 177
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