Leaderboard

⚔️ League 📊 Leaderboard 🏆 Season 🎖 Honours 🏅 Achievements
🏆 Season Yesterday This week Revenue Earnings Avg / day 🏅 Achievements 💃 Team Value 🏘️ Groups 😂 Funniest
Premier Championship League One League Two National Sunday Closed
425 / 696 bars
🔍
META DIGEST
What the top 20 did yesterday
Captain picks · most rostered · chip usage
›
HONOURS BOARD
Every league champion, every season
The permanent record · once you're up, you're up forever
🏆
Funny Score · 425 bars
1
🐯
Biggus DickusNATL 🔍
100 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The absolute pinnacle, the Python tax is in full effect, a majestic Roman willy joke.
2
🍸
Loose Sphincters 69SUN 🔍
100 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely filthy, explicit, and the '69' just seals the deal. Top tier, this.
3
🐯
Piss Flap BarSUN 🔍
100 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Utterly, spectacularly filthy, a perfect crude body-part name, the absolute pinnacle of bar names.
4
👑
MasterBaiterNATL 🔍
99 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic of the genre, crude, clever, and absolutely guaranteed to get a guffaw.
5
⚡
Cum back barLG 2 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cum back bar, simple, direct, and exactly what every fella hopes for after a few Singhas. Brilliant.
6
🐯
GOBALLS DEEPNATL 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Expletive, direct, and gloriously inappropriate, hits the spot like a cheap beer.
7
🔥
Hooker cream pussy barLG 1 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Blunt as a butter knife, crude as a tramp's arse, absolutely perfect for a laugh and a wank.
8
✨
Loose Sphincters R Us 1NATL 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Loose Sphincters R Us 1, pure gold, mate, that's got Frankie Boyle written all over it.
9
🐯
Pussy GaloreNATL 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Filthy, classic, and rolls off the tongue like a drunken confession. Top-tier, that.
10
🍺
Pussy LipsLG 2 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pure filth and phonetic gold. 'Pussy Lips' is exactly the kind of crude, in-your-face name that wins big.
11
🎵
Sillius SoddusNATL 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sillius Soddus, the Monty Python tax is paid in full, pure gold, I'm already laughing like a drain.
12
👑
The Shaved BeaverNATL 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Filthy, suggestive, and guaranteed to make any bloke grin like a Cheshire cat. Top tier filth.
13
✨
Winkey Wankey WooPREM 🔍
98 / 100
Best day: 695 drinks
14
🌴
Beef CurtainsLG 1 🔍
97 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely magnificent, a proper bit of filth that conjures up all sorts of images.
15
👑
Cockmongler TavernPREM 🔍
96 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cockmongler Tavern, that's just beautiful. A proper, unadulterated bit of British filth.
16
🔥
Baldy PussyLG 1 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Baldy Pussy', beautiful, a classic, makes you think of a well-worn landing strip. Top marks.
17
🐯
Ballbag WilliesNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: That's the stuff, crude, rude, and exactly what a drunk expat would find hilarious.
18
🎲
Balloon KnotNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom! Straight into the high tier. A 'balloon knot' is as crude and funny as it gets for a drunk expat.
19
🍸
Bum FunPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, crude, and perfectly encapsulates the spirit of a good night out in Pattaya.
20
✨
Chocolate Star FishPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic, straight to the point, and guaranteed to make a drunk expat snort beer out their nose.
21
🐯
Cock and DandyNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Cock and Dandy'. Oh, that's a proper British pub name. Sounds like an old boy who’s a bit too fond of himself.
22
👑
Palace a Blow-BlowPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pure phonetic filth, sounds like a proper good time, if you catch my drift. Excellent.
23
🎲
Ray’s Boom Boom RoomNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ray's Boom Boom Room. Phonetic gold, crude, and promises exactly what a drunk wants. Top marks.
24
🍻
Sloppy BJsSUN 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, no faffing about. A classic bar name for a classic pastime, innit?
25
🍸
Test test testisiNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Test test testisi, pure phonetic gold, a Latin-sounding bollock bonanza. Brilliant.
26
🐯
The Pink PusyNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brilliantly simple, crude and direct, no misinterpretation there, straight to the top.
27
🌴
Wandering WilliesSUN 🔍
95 / 100
28
🔥
The Chunky MunkeyNATL 🔍
94 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Chunky Munkey' is fantastic, mate. Rhymes, rude, and exactly what you'd call a fat old geezer dancing on the bar.…
29
⚡
Free the williesSUN 🔍
93 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Free the Willies, a brilliant play on words, combining liberation with a willy joke. Superb.
30
🍻
Chang and DoneLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chang and Done, sounds like a proper filthy romp, like Biggus Dickus after a session, pure gold, mate.
31
🐍
Cum cityNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, love a good cum joke, and 'city' makes it sound like a proper destination.
32
👑
FAT FANNIESSUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Beautiful, a classic. You can practically hear the guffaws from Soi Buakhao.
33
🍸
Fishy FingersNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fishy Fingers, eh? Sounds like a good night out down a Bangkok back alley, love it.
34
🐲
fuck townNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, no faffing about, you know what you're getting, like a good bar fine.
35
🎲
Jackson's HoleNATL 🔍
92 / 100
Best day: 239 drinks
36
🍸
Jub Jub BarSUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jub Jub sounds like an old fella with a prolapsed anus trying to clear his throat, pure gold.
37
🔥
Just cum inNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, direct, and exactly what a pissed bloke would snort at. Top shelf filth.
38
🍸
Korn Fix VerificationSUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bloody brilliant, sounds like what you'd get after a dodgy curry and too much Chang.
39
✨
Loose Sphincters 2SUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Loose Sphincters 2'. Still got it. A sequel that delivers, unlike most Hollywood shite these days.
40
✨
Loose Sphincters 3SUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Loose Sphincters 3'. The trilogy is complete, and still a winner. Like a good curry, it keeps giving.
41
⚡
Loose Sphincters 5SUN 🔍
92 / 100
Best day: 35 drinks
42
🍻
Mongers ParadiseNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks, this, 'Paradise' is usually shite but 'Mongers' lifts it right into the filth zone. Proper Pattaya gold.
43
🍸
Perfect PeachesNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Perfect Peaches, now that sounds like a good time, especially if they're serving them up fresh off the tree, know what…
44
✨
Pussy ClubNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, crude, and utterly brilliant. No faffing about, just straight to the good stuff.
45
🌺
sexy shitNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, simple, and exactly what a drunk wants to shout, perfect for a good old Pattaya piss-up.
46
🌴
Stagger InnLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like 'Stag Her In', perfect for getting a randy bloke through the door, simple and filthy.
47
🍺
Thai Pussy BarNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, direct, and exactly what a pissed bloke on Soi Buakhao wants to hear. Top tier filth.
48
💎
The Mermaid's AssLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, direct, and paints a lovely mental image for a pissed expat, top tier filth.
49
💎
The Permanent ResidentNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an expat who's 'permanently resident' in some poor tart's fanny, brilliant.
50
🍸
The wizards sleeveLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The wizards sleeve' is top-tier filth, an absolute classic bit of slang. Pure, unadulterated smut.
51
🍸
Whale Cum InnSUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for a name that sounds like a seaman's delight, proper phonetic gold for a filthy mind.
52
🍸
Boom Boom BunkerNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom Boom Bunker, absolutely spot on. Pattaya specific filth, pure gold for a drunk expat.
53
🍸
Dirty BertyLG 2 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, Dirty Berty, sounds like a proper filthy madam or a bloke who needs a good scrub. Rhymes too, top marks.
54
🍻
Ditto's HoleNATL 🔍
90 / 100
Best day: 110 drinks
55
⚡
Free Willy IILG 2 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Still funny the second time, though not as fresh as the original. Willy still wants to be free.
56
🐯
GILF ParadiseNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: GILF Paradise, straight to the point and gloriously filthy. No room for misunderstanding there.
57
⚡
High Mileage HoNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'High Mileage Ho' is straight to the point, crude, and perfectly suited for the clientele.
58
⚡
KnullaLagomNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: KnullaLagom, sounds like 'knob and lag em', perfect for a drunken session on Soi Buakhao.
59
🔥
LickablesLG 1 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Lickables. Direct, crude, and gets straight to the point. Perfect for a bit of naughty fun.
60
✨
Loose Sphincters 1CHAMP 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, that's a good one. Hits the spot, makes you wince and laugh all at once. Top marks.
61
🍸
Sloppy HeadNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sloppy Head, a classic, crude, and instantly understood. A proper pub name.
62
💎
The PussyNATL 🔍
90 / 100
Best day: 89 drinks
63
✨
WhoreMeOutNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, no messing about, a name that perfectly sums up a night on Soi LK Metro.
64
🐯
Koh Chang Fat BirdsPREM 🔍
89 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Koh Chang Fat Birds, combines a location with an image that will make any drunk laugh.
65
👑
Backdoor BeautiesPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude and direct, just the way we like it. Gets straight to the point, this one.
66
⚡
Blue BallsSUN 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic, simple, and every bloke knows that feeling. A solid, reliable gag.
67
🍸
Boom boomLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom Boom! Short, sharp, and straight to the point, just like a quickie down Soi Buakhao.
68
🍻
Chai me dai pomNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, mate, 'Chai me dai pom' sounds like 'Try my big pom' to a pissed expat.
69
🍻
Chickens barSUN 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brings to mind a cock, then a chicken, then a ladyboy, the whole bloody menagerie. Top marks for a simple name.
70
✨
Fat Toms sausage factoryLG 1 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fat Tom's Sausage Factory, that's just pure phonetic gold, a proper grubby delight.
71
👑
FluffersSUN 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of industry slang, crude, direct, and gets a proper snort laugh.
72
🌴
Funky DonkeyNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Funky Donkey' is pure phonetic comedy gold, rhymes perfectly and sounds like a dirty dance move.
73
⚡
Hansum ManLG 1 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hansum Man' is pure Pattaya filth, mate. Sounds like a desperate punter on Soi Buakhao, gets a right laugh.
74
🌴
MM Chunky PumpersLG 1 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fantastic, a made-up compound word that screams filth and gets a proper chuckle.
75
🍺
Nips&slipsNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an old dear's got her knickers in a twist, but it's proper filthy for us lot.
76
🍺
OldUglyFatFucksLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Honest, direct, and probably describes half the clientele. Gets a good chuckle from the self-aware.
77
🌺
PinkiesLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pinkies, short for pink bits, I reckon. Any drunk expat would snort his Chang through his nose at this one.
78
✨
Pink Pony BarNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a nasty infection you'd pick up after a particularly enthusiastic night on Soi Buakhao, perfect.
79
🍸
PloughedPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ploughed, perfect for a bar on Soi Buakhao, everyone’s getting ploughed there anyway.
80
🍸
Pussycat loungeLG 1 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for 'Pussycat', a classic bit of suggestive filth, but 'lounge' drags it down like a cheap anchor.
81
🍻
Reverse CowgirlNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, clear, and perfectly sums up a Friday night in Pattaya, brilliant.
82
🌙
Silo SilkSUN 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Silo Silk, eh? Sounds a bit like 'thigh low, suck', and that's pure gold for a pissed expat.
83
✨
Sinderella'sLG 1 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A nice bit of phonetic filth, sounds like something you'd catch after a dirty weekend.
84
⚡
Sip HappensPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for a name that sounds like a clumsy drunk trying to order a pint and getting it gloriously wrong.
85
✨
SoiHokSoiSokhapok BarNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Sokhapok' sounds like 'suck a cock', pure phonetic gold for a pished punter. Top bollocks.
86
🍺
Still LoadedSUN 🔍
88 / 100
Best day: 38 drinks
87
⚡
The 3rd holeNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The 3rd Hole, beautiful. A classic golf double entendre, always gets a snigger from the blokes.
88
💎
The Bhat CaveSUN 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of phonetic genius, sounds like 'bat cave' but with a filthy Thai twist.
89
🌴
The Black congoLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Black Congo', eh? Sounds like a description of my ex-wife's fanny after a particularly aggressive bush trim.
90
👑
The Flaming BasilSUN 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an arsehole on fire after a dodgy curry, perfect for a good laugh.
91
🌺
The Lost Passport LoungeLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Lost passport, lost dignity, lost a bit of yourself on Soi Buakhao, classic Pattaya. Chuckle.
92
🍺
The Rusty AtticLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a dodgy gynaecological exam, pure gold for a pissed expat.
93
🔥
Town BicycleLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ha, a good one for the missus, or the local easy tart. Gets a proper guffaw from the punters.
94
🌙
Turuk BarNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Turuk Bar, pure phonetic gold, sounds like a drunken mate trying to say 'turd hook' after twelve pints.
95
🍸
小白就把NATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like 'Shao Bai Jiu Ba', a proper phonetic goldmine for a sloshed Farang trying to order a pint.
96
🍸
dickSUN 🔍
87 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Short, to the point, and undeniably vulgar. A proper no-nonsense name for a proper no-nonsense bar.
97
🌴
Jolly Jungle Juice Jelly JarLG 2 🔍
87 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jolly Jungle Juice Jelly Jar, all that alliteration and a hint of dodgy liquid, brilliant.
98
🌴
whores galoreNATL 🔍
87 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Whores Galore, does what it says on the tin, no beating around the bush with that one.
99
👑
BoomBoom ClubLG 1 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pattaya context, simple, and everyone knows what 'boom boom' means. Gets the job done.
100
🎲
Dining at the YCHAMP 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dining at the Y, oh, very good. A classic for a reason. Imagine explaining that to your mum.
101
🍸
Just VirginsNATL 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Just Virgins' is brilliantly dark and ironic, exactly the kind of twisted joke that lands with a thump here.
102
🐯
Private DickPREM 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic double entendre, the old 'private dick' always gets a snigger from the blokes.
103
🌴
SchlongsLG 2 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Schlongs' , simple, direct, and straight to the point. Every expat will get it.
104
🐍
Two Inch BarNATL 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, effective, and straight to the point about what you're likely to find in Pattaya. Always a winner.
105
💎
Bareback BarNATL 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bareback, eh? Sounds like a trip to the doctor is on the cards, but we'll laugh first.
106
🐍
Bom-Bom BarLG 1 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bom-Bom Bar. A bit of a phonetic treat, sounds like a proper dirty bang-bang joint.
107
✨
goon paradiceNATL 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Goon Paradice, a double-whammy of cheap wine and cheeky wordplay. Lovely stuff.
108
⚡
Happy SpankerPREM 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Happy Spanker, straight to the point with the filth, gets a good chuckle.
109
🌴
Pattaya Bush CompanyNATL 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Pattaya Bush Company' , 'Bush' always gets a snigger, especially paired with 'Company'. Top notch.
110
🐲
Soi SirensNATL 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a proper flock of loose women, doesn't it? Good phonetic flow, proper Pattaya filth.
111
🍸
Sticky BambooNATL 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sticky Bamboo, conjures up all sorts of unsavoury images. Filthy, just what we like.
112
💎
Thai Me Up LoungeNATL 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of Pattaya filth, simple, effective, and straight to the point.
113
🍺
The Pink BoxLG 2 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Pink Box' is a solid, crude euphemism. Simple, effective, and gets the message across without a wink.
114
⚡
Brown ⭐NATL 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brown ⭐, simple, suggestive, and leaves just enough to the imagination, top marks.
115
🌙
Chang Chang Bang BangLG 1 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Chang Chang Bang Bang', that's got a lovely rhythm, a proper phonetic earworm for a drunkard.
116
👑
King of Boobs BarNATL 🔍
80 / 100
Best day: 371 drinks
117
🌴
NightFartLG 1 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'NightFart'. Simple, stupid, and makes me chuckle. Imagine trying to explain that to your missus.
118
✨
NipslipSUN 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a chuckle, a nice double entendre for those who appreciate the subtle art of the flash.
119
⚡
Spunk Point 2LG 1 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Spunk Point 2' is wonderfully crude and direct. The '2' is a nice touch, implying more where that came from.
120
🍸
stevengaybarSUN 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Stevengaybar, direct and to the point, no subtlety, just pure honest filth. Good.
121
🐍
Sticky Rice ParlourLG 2 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Suggestive and a local favourite, 'sticky rice' conjures up all sorts of glorious, messy images.
122
🐍
3am Still GoingNATL 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Relatable to any sad old git stumbling out of a bar at that time, still hoping for a bit of action.
123
🦁
Beefys BarNATL 🔍
78 / 100
Best day: 172 drinks
124
👑
Down under barLG 2 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Down Under Bar. Plenty of potential for dirty jokes about hairy bits, solid crude fun.
125
🌴
EPSTEIN ISLANDLG 2 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too topical and serious, but the expat crowd would chuckle at the sheer audacity.
126
👑
Flaming GoGoLG 1 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flaming GoGo', sounds like a nasty case of the clap after a good night, top marks for the imagery.
127
👑
Hungry Hippo’sPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hungry Hippo’s'. Bit of a classic cartoon gag, but the 'hippo's' adds a nice touch of desperation. Decent.
128
✨
No FattiesNATL 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A good, honest policy statement, you know exactly what you're getting, or rather, not getting.
129
🐯
No Indians BarPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: No Indians Bar, direct, offensive, and exactly what a drunk expat would laugh at. Points for honesty.
130
⚡
PoundsandNATL 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Poundsand' , sounds just like 'pounds and' but also 'puss and', like a cat's arse or something. Filthy.
131
⚡
Power Cut PavilionNATL 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Power Cut Pavilion, a proper Pattaya problem and a nice alliteration, you cheeky bastard.
132
⚡
SwallowNATL 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Excellent, a perfect double-meaning that any expat will immediately get, top tier.
133
🔥
The Velvet BananaNATL 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The 'Velvet Banana' is a decent bit of innuendo, makes you wonder what's soft and yellow inside.
134
🌺
BoobiesSUN 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent effort, 'Boobies' is always good for a chuckle, but it lacks a second dirty word for true greatness.
135
🌴
Coconut OfficeNATL 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bit of a laugh, 'coconut' sounds a bit daft and 'office' implies some dodgy dealings. Good for a snigger.
136
🌺
Doxy DreamsLG 2 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Doxy, meaning tart or prostitute, dreaming of a nice fat wallet. Spot on for Soi Buakhao.
137
🍸
Engagement Test BarSUN 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Engagement Test Bar. You know exactly what kind of 'test' they're running in there. Cheeky.
138
🍸
fuckuNATL 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: fucku, blunt, to the point, and precisely what a drunk expat would say, no messing about.
139
🌴
Fuck you @petOr barSUN 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit shouty for my taste, but the sentiment is spot on, who doesn't love a good 'fuck you'?
140
🌴
Knee DeepNATL 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Good, solid innuendo, and it's got a nice ring to it. Gets a nod of approval.
141
💎
NoMoneyNoHoneySUN 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: NoMoneyNoHoney, a golden rule of the strip, simple, direct, and universally understood by every punter.
142
🍸
sexSUN 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Short, sweet, and to the point, like a drunken fumble in the back of a baht bus.
143
⚡
Short Time BarNATL 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Short Time Bar' , classic Pattaya slang, straight to the point and gets a nod of recognition.
144
⚡
The Dirty OneLG 2 🔍
72 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Dirty One, a bit vague, but it sets an expectation, like a suspicious stain.
145
🍸
The Tipsy GeckoNATL 🔍
72 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tipsy Gecko sounds like a right little wanker, probably sticky too, so a decent enough name.
146
🐯
DicksSUN 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct and unambiguous, but could do with a little more flair or a clever twist.
147
🐯
DikSUN 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Nearly there, but it's missing the extra layer of filth or a rhyming partner to make it shine.
148
🌺
Flip Flop FiestaNATL 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flip Flop Fiesta', a good phonetic rhyme, makes you think of drunken antics and lost footwear.
149
🍻
Holes and goalsNATL 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Alright, 'Holes and Goals' has a bit of an innuendo, makes you think of some dodgy sports. It's passable.
150
⚡
iPhone McPhonefaceLG 1 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: iPhone McPhoneface, a bit of a meme, but it's got a silly, modern daftness to it.
151
⚡
Spinner CentralLG 2 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent bit of innuendo, conjures up images of dizzying fun, probably followed by a headache.
152
✨
The G SpotLG 1 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of innuendo, simple and effective, gets the message across without being too subtle.
153
⚡
The petting zooNATL 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Petting Zoo' , a solid innuendo, conjures up a few dirty images for sure.
154
🌴
Breakfast Beer BarNATL 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Breakfast, beer, and a bloke needing a quickie before the missus wakes. Decent, but no 'Wankmuffin' is it?
155
⚡
ChickentikkaSUN 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Chickentikka'. Sounds like a decent curry, but as a bar name it's a bit out of place. Still, makes me hungry.
156
🍸
Haha barSUN 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full laugh, but a good chuckle, like a rusty zipper on a dodgy tracksuit.
157
🌴
Nothing To See Here SocialNATL 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Nothing To See Here Social. A bit ironic, but it takes a moment to land, could be cruder.
158
🔥
PuttanescaNATL 🔍
68 / 100
Best day: 191 drinks
159
🍸
Sleepy Crab BarSUN 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Got that 'crab' reference in there, nice one. Subtle enough to get a giggle without being too obvious.
160
🍺
The Crow's NestNATL 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'crow's breast', which is a laugh, but not quite the full monty.
161
🔥
The Rising Sign SaloonNATL 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Rising sign, rising dick, it's alright, a bit slow for a proper belly laugh though.
162
🍺
The Tipsy TurtleNATL 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full turtle, more like a half-chub, but the alliteration gives it a bit of a bounce.
163
🐯
The WeaselSUN 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Weasel', eh? A bit of a cheeky bugger, that. Like your mate Dave after he’s had too many Singhas and eyes up your…
164
🌙
Tung Tung SahurNATL 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'tongue tongue' and 'sausage', a bit of a stretch but a chuckle for the truly sloshed.
165
🐯
Cub KittenLG 1 🔍
67 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, got a bit of 'cub' and 'kitten' for the punters who like 'em young, but no proper filth.
166
🐲
69 BarNATL 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sixty-nine, eh? Bit obvious, like a magician showing you the rabbit before he's even pulled it out.
167
💎
Angel DustNATL 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not bad, sounds like a proper messy night out, a bit trippy, but not quite crude enough for top marks.
168
✨
BangersNATL 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent innuendo, evokes images of a good British sausage, but could be cruder.
169
🔥
Crazy man barSUN 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crazy Man Bar, simple, direct, and probably accurate for half the punters on Soi Buakhao.
170
🔥
FireballLG 1 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like a dose of clap, but it's not quite a full-on laugh.
171
🐯
GrimDank I - DaemonculabaPREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too long, too niche, but 'Daemonculaba' sounds a bit like something a dodgy doctor would offer.
172
🍸
Monkey BuisnessNATL 🔍
65 / 100
Best day: 123 drinks
173
💎
Perfect 10PREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Perfect 10' has a nice, crude double entendre. We all know what '10s' you're after here, mate.
174
🎵
Pineapple CoveNATL 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'taint' if you've had enough Singha, but not quite crude enough for top marks.
175
🐍
Poison Play BarLG 1 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Poison Play' sounds a bit like a game of Russian roulette with your dangly bits, but it ain't got that proper phonetic…
176
🍸
~Sexy Street~LG 2 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit on the nose and not very imaginative but it gets the point across for the bewildered expat.
177
🍸
The Bronze BritonNATL 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like a cheap tan, but not quite crude enough for a proper snort-laugh.
178
⚡
The shipfaced sailorSUN 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The shipfaced sailor'. Good mental image, but it's a bit long and doesn't quite hit the crude spot. Needs more arse.
179
🔥
Rabbit RunLG 2 🔍
62 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a giggle, makes you think of a quick dash, but not quite crude enough for a top score.
180
🍸
Raymond RevuebarPREM 🔍
62 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a nod to the old London peep shows, a clever sort of smut for the connoisseur.
181
🍸
Bust UpCHAMP 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Could mean a fight or a good time, ambiguous but with a hint of proper chaos.
182
⚡
Cheapest CharlieSUN 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Cheapest Charlie'. Gets points for 'cheapest', a Pattaya staple, but 'Charlie' is a bit too tame.
183
🍸
Hula BarLG 2 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full 'Hula Hula' but the sound of it suggests a good old fashioned thrusting. Decent.
184
🌴
LadyboyloversLG 2 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Again, a bit too obvious, like stating the bleeding obvious. We all know why we're here.
185
🐲
lucky bastardPREM 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Alright, a decent laugh, but it's not quite got the phonetic punch or the crude body-part gag.
186
🌺
Magic PinkLG 2 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Magic Pink' has a nice bit of innuendo, conjures up images of ladyboys and questionable cocktails.
187
🍸
Non paradiseNATL 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Anti-establishment without being properly filthy, needs more knob gags.
188
🌴
Silicon ValleyPREM 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Clever, for the tech crowd, but it's not quite crude enough to hit the big leagues of filth.
189
🌴
The steaming shedSUN 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The steaming shed, has a whiff of something a bit grubby, could work.
190
🍸
Velvet BambooSUN 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Velvet Bamboo, a bit more suggestive, a touch of class to your filth. I'll allow it.
191
🔥
Honey with moneyLG 1 🔍
58 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Honey with money' is a fair description of many a bar relationship, but not a name for a laugh.
192
💎
Mr B’s beer n boogie BarLG 2 🔍
58 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Mr B's Beer 'n Boogie Bar, a bit generic and try-hard, but at least it rhymes a bit.
193
🍸
Sin and TonicPREM 🔍
58 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a clever pun, but it needs a moment to land, doesn't it? Not as instantly crude as I'd like.
194
🍸
Aiki barsSUN 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Aiki, sounds a bit too clever for the average punter, a bit like watching paint dry. Needs more filth.
195
🍸
Aiki barssSUN 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Same as the last one, mate. Adding an 's' doesn't magically make it funnier or dirtier. Try harder.
196
💎
NOOBLAR BARLG 1 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'noob,' which is alright for a chuckle, but not a proper rib-tickler.
197
🐯
Paper TigerNATL 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Paper Tiger'. A decent idiom, but it's more clever than crude. A nod, not a guffaw.
198
🍸
Rogue FarangNATL 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, mate. A bit of a nod and a wink, but not enough to make a proper tit of yourself.
199
✨
The Event HorizonNATL 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too clever for the average punter, they'll just be wondering where the toilets are.
200
🐍
The FrogsNATL 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Frogs, a classic pub name, but not quite funny enough for a proper boozer in Pattaya.
201
🐍
The Sunburnt ExpatSUN 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too true for comfort, that. We all know one, don't we, red as a lobster and full of bad decisions.
202
🌴
LadyboysNATL 🔍
50 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit on the nose, innit? Not exactly a subtle nod to the local talent.
203
🐯
One moreSUN 🔍
50 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent pub-goer's line, makes you want to stay for another. A solid mid-tier, but not hilarious.
204
🌺
SecretsNATL 🔍
50 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Secrets. It's a bit too vague and mysterious. Secrets of what, exactly? Your bad taste?
205
✨
Bad CashiersSUN 🔍
48 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bad Cashiers, slightly amusing, but it's not going to make me wet myself laughing.
206
🍸
Drunken BuffaloSUN 🔍
48 / 100
Best day: 63 drinks
207
🌺
HmariahLG 2 🔍
48 / 100
Best day: 81 drinks
208
🍺
Lazy Lizard LoungeLG 1 🔍
48 / 100
Best day: 156 drinks
209
🎲
Bar RougeNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit posh, 'rouge' sounds like something your nan puts on, not where you'd find a sticky wicket.
210
⚡
Buzz BarNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Buzz bar, might get a buzz on, might not. Bit plain, but could be worse, like Mike's Bar.
211
✨
ChaosSUN 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chaos, a bit generic, like a Tuesday night in my living room, not funny enough.
212
💎
CRZY BARLG 2 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: CRZY BAR, losing the vowels doesn't make it clever, just looks like a typo, not a riot.
213
🍸
DaydreamLG 2 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Daydreaming of a cold Chang and not having to explain yourself to the missus back home.
214
🍻
Eagles NestLG 2 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit too much like a golf club, not enough like a place for a dirty pint.
215
🌴
Electric BlueNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit dull, that. Unless 'blue' is a reference to a particular medical condition, it's just a colour.
216
⚡
Electric Blue 1CHAMP 🔍
45 / 100
Best day: 586 drinks
217
⚡
Electric Blue 2SUN 🔍
45 / 100
Best day: 33 drinks
218
⚡
Electric NightsNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Electric Nights'. Too corporate, too polite. Sounds like a disco for accountants on a team-building exercise.
219
🍸
feedNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Feed, like a particularly uninspired request, could be worse, could be better.
220
⚡
Flat Caps 🧢PREM 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Flat Caps, sounds like a Wetherspoons on a Tuesday, not exactly an exotic destination.
221
🌙
Mambo PandaNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Mambo Panda, sounds a bit like 'mambo pants' and a panda’s a bit chubby, not bad for a giggle.
222
💎
Ministry of Nihilistic DrinksNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ministry of Nihilistic Drinks' is a bit wordy, a clever-clogs joke. Takes too long for a pissed expat to get it.
223
🐲
Poseidon's PalaceNATL 🔍
45 / 100
Best day: 106 drinks
224
🍸
Sandbox SaloonNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit generic, sounds like a place for kids to play, not for a grown man to get bladdered.
225
🍸
Second OpinionNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: You'll be needing a second opinion from the clap clinic after a night here, I reckon.
226
🌴
Shaggy DaysCHAMP 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a snooze, sounds like a hippy commune not a place for a proper piss-up.
227
⚡
Sharples & ShenanigansNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a law firm or a pair of dodgy accountants, not a place for shenanigans.
228
🔥
The Back Room BarNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit suggestive, but it needs a bit more oomph to get a proper belly laugh from a drunk.
229
🍸
The Komodo CocktailLG 2 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Komodo, eh? Might get a nasty bite there, or just a cocktail that tastes like regret and bad choices.
230
🍸
The Missing Menu BarLG 2 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too clever for the average punter, they'll just ask for the menu again, won't they?
231
🍻
The Neon BuffaloNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A neon buffalo, eh? Sounds a bit try-hard, but buffalo has a certain… girth to it.
232
🍺
The sick buffaloNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a chuckle, sounds like me after a heavy night on Soi Buakhao, but not truly filthy.
233
⚡
The Spontaneous DecisionLG 2 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent name, captures the spirit of a drunken Tuesday, but no proper filth.
234
👑
The Verge InnSUN 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Verge, eh? Just a bit of a cheeky wink, not a full-on laugh, like a flaccid willy in a cold shower.
235
🐯
Tiger's bloodSUN 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit try-hard edgy, like a teenager's first tattoo, but it's not awful.
236
🌙
Wong Amat WandererNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wong Amat's a bit too posh for a proper laugh, needs more 'Buakhao Bushwhackers' filth.
237
✨
Khao San KickbackNATL 🔍
42 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kickback' has a hint of dodgy dealings, but it's not exactly splitting guts now, is it?
238
🍻
Chip's ChicasLG 2 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Generic, sounds like a dodgy takeaway. 'Chicas' is a bit too tame, needs more filth.
239
⚡
Flub CateSUN 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flub Cate'. A bit of a muddle. It sounds like a mistake, which it probably is. No real punch.
240
🍸
Lazy Tiger BarSUN 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A lazy tiger sounds like a knackered bloke who's had one too many Singhas. Decent, but not prime filth.
241
🐯
Len Jum JeeLG 2 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Len Jum Jee' is pure phonetic gold for anyone who's lived here, decent pun, if a bit subtle.
242
✨
PlayboyNATL 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: It's a bit obvious, isn't it? No surprise, no real punch. Seen it all before.
243
🔥
TemptationLG 1 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Temptation, a bit vanilla, isn't it? Needs some actual filth to earn its stripes.
244
🐯
Vitals delightSUN 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Vitals Delight, a bit too vague, could be a health food shop, not enough filth.
245
🐲
A follarLG 2 🔍
38 / 100
Best day: 97 drinks
246
🍸
Last CallNATL 🔍
38 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Last Call, is it? Sounds like a funeral parlour for your liver. Bit dull for Pattaya.
247
🐯
Mekhong MemoriesNATL 🔍
38 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Mekhong Memories' , sounds like a dreary pub quiz team, not a place for a laugh.
248
🍸
steven is a bad mayor barNATL 🔍
38 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too specific and whiny, needs to be more universally crude to hit the mark.
249
🍸
BlueMoonSpecialNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: BlueMoonSpecial, is it? Bit too polite, isn't it? Needs a good knob gag or a rude rhyme.
250
🍸
Bucks & ButterfliesNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody garden centre or something. Not much to get excited about, is it?
251
🌴
ButterflyCHAMP 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Butterfly, a bit too sweet and innocent, needs a crude twist to land the joke properly.
252
💎
Crimson VelvetNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crimson Velvet, trying a bit too hard to be posh, like a cheap brothel with a fancy name.
253
🌴
Gold rushSUN 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too generic, sounds like a casino or a bad cologne, where's the filth, mate?
254
🐯
Jacks MansionNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bit too proper, sounds like a B&B. Unless Jack's a dirty sod, then maybe.
255
🎲
JoJo's Bizarre BarLG 2 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'JoJo's Bizarre Bar' is too much of a try-hard pop culture reference. Too clever for its own good, mate.
256
👑
pogoNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pogo? As in the stick? Unless it's Pogo My Knob, it's just a bit… dull, innit?
257
⚡
PuzzlesNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trying to be clever but just sounds like a place for nerds, not a proper piss-up.
258
🌴
Real NiggasPREM 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too specific for broad appeal, and not really a joke, is it?
259
🍸
Steven Changed the TermsLG 1 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Steven Changed the Terms. Still too much like a local council meeting, not enough filth.
260
🎲
The Mysterious Back StreetNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too vague, mate. What's mysterious, the bar or the rash you'll get after a visit?
261
✨
The tempestNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A tempest in a teacup, a bit too high-brow for the average punter, innit.
262
🐯
Viking BarNATL 🔍
35 / 100
Best day: 146 drinks
263
🐲
Young and funLG 2 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tries to be playful but just sounds a bit naive and wholesome. Not what we're after in Pattaya.
264
⚡
BanditsNATL 🔍
32 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bandits'. Generic, a bit boring. Doesn't make a drunk expat snort with beer up his nose, does it?
265
🍸
Crooked MangoNATL 🔍
32 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A crooked mango, not bad, but it needs a proper rude twist to make it sing.
266
🐯
The Shortcut That Wasn'tNATL 🔍
32 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Shortcut That Wasn't' is a bit too clever by half, and not crude enough for a proper laugh.
267
💎
80s retro gamesLG 2 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 80s retro games, so you'll be playing Pac-Man while trying to avoid a ladyboy trying to gobble your cherries.
268
🔥
Angels EnvyNATL 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Angels Envy, far too poetic and polite for a bar on Soi LK Metro, needs more arse-end.
269
🐯
Big See ExtraNATL 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Generic and a bit limp, needs more oomph, a bit like my last Saturday night.
270
⚡
CheeseNATL 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cheese? Unless it's a 'cheesy fanny' bar, it's just a bland dairy product. Not even a good gag.
271
🍺
Crocodile Jack'sNATL 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a shite theme park or a discount gator farm. No laughs here, mate.
272
🍸
Hawk eyeNATL 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hawk Eye. Sounds like a superhero, not where I'd go for a swift half and a bit of a laugh.
273
🌴
No ScumSUN 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a local council initiative, not a place you'd expect a good time.
274
⚡
Red TiePREM 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A tie, is it? Just a tie? A bit too formal for a proper piss-up, mate.
275
🐯
RenegadeSUN 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Renegade'. Too serious, mate. Sounds like a motorbike club for middle-aged men with something to prove.
276
🍺
Self Destructive BehaviorSUN 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Self Destructive Behavior' is too self-indulgent and angsty. Sounds like a teenager's diary, not a bar. Give over.
277
🦁
The Friendly CanadianLG 1 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Friendly Canadian' , sounds like a nice cup of tea, not a night out in Pattaya.
278
🐯
Tiger CatCHAMP 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit bland, like a lukewarm pint. Doesn't spark any proper belly laughs or crude thoughts.
279
🍻
TuskiNATL 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tuski, sounds like a cheap brand of vodka or a sad elephant. Not a laugh in sight.
280
🔥
Wander InnNATL 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Wander Inn' is a bit too quaint and wholesome, mate. Not exactly a laugh riot.
281
👑
Agogo de MarciniNATL 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Agogo de Marcini' is too much of a mouthful, and the 'Marcini' bit adds nothing.
282
🌺
Fuchsi's DreamsNATL 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a shop selling potpourri, not a place for a proper piss-up and a poke.
283
🍸
Maggie maySUN 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Maggie May, again with Maggie, a bit sentimental, needs more filth to make it work.
284
🍺
Neon UniverseSUN 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Neon Universe, trying a bit too hard to be grand, still just lights and dullness, mate.
285
⚡
Pad Thai ParlourNATL 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pad Thai? Are we in a restaurant or a bar? Sounds like a place for a quiet meal.
286
🌴
Supernova SocialNATL 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Supernova Social' sounds like a corporate team-building exercise, not somewhere to get properly wankered.
287
🐲
The Forever HolidayNATL 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Forever Holiday'. Sounds like a package tour for pensioners. Where's the debauchery, eh?
288
🍺
The Ships WheelLG 2 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A ship's wheel, eh? Sounds like something your grandad would have on his mantelpiece, not a bar.
289
👑
The TravelersNATL 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Travelers, sounds like a sad group therapy session, not a place for a laugh.
290
🍸
B52NATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A number-letter combo, no joke, just an explosion waiting to happen, probably on the toilet.
291
🌴
Bamboo PavilionNATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bamboo Pavilion' sounds like somewhere you'd get a nice cup of tea, not a good ol' root. Pass.
292
🍸
BarCetaLG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: BarCeta, sounds like a dodgy airline or a place where they'd serve you an off-brand lager.
293
🍺
Basil’sLG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Basil’s, who the hell is Basil? Sounds like a boring accountant's office, not a bar.
294
🐯
BobsbjbarNATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like someone had a stroke while typing, but not in a funny way, just a sad one.
295
🍸
CLAUDE.MD Give Me 100m CreditLG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'CLAUDE.MD Give Me 100m Credit' is not a bar name, it's a bloody cry for help.
296
👑
Fate ParadiseNATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fate Paradise'. Two boring words bolted together. Sounds like a self-help retreat, not a bar.
297
🌴
Ham NoiNATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like some sweetie pie cafe, not a place for a proper piss-up. No joke here.
298
🍸
Hidden LanternSUN 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hidden lantern, sounds like a bloody secret garden, not a place to pick up a lady.
299
🍻
Joesy's ParadiseLG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Paradise, innit. Sounds like somewhere you'd buy a package tour to, not get a package. Dead boring.
300
👑
Little BohemiaNATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too quaint and wholesome, sounds like a tea shop for your nan, not a bar.
301
⚡
Little Little barSUN 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Repetitive and dull, absolutely no punchline or filth, next.
302
🍸
lucky secondPREM 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a discount second-hand shop, not somewhere you'd find a happy ending, or any ending at all.
303
🍸
Neon ClubLG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Neon Club, well, it's got lights and a club, thrilling. About as exciting as watching paint dry.
304
🍸
Pattaya Hugo'sNATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pattaya Hugo's? Is Hugo selling bloody insurance or something? Boring.
305
💎
Soi DiamondNATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Soi Diamond', sounds like a bloody jewellery shop, not a place to get hammered.
306
🔥
ValhallaNATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a Nordic death metal band, not a place for a quiet wank and a pint.
307
⚡
Bar PlanetaLG 2 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bar Planeta, sounds like a travel agency, not a place for a good wank.
308
⚡
Beach Road HideawayNATL 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hideaway' is just code for 'a bit boring'. Nothing to see here, move along.
309
🍸
Electric paradiseNATL 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Electric paradise? Sounds like a dodgy massage parlour from a dream, not a pub. Too corporate.
310
🍸
GinasNATL 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a woman's name, isn't it? Where's the filth, the innuendo, the promise of a good time and bad decisions?
311
🍸
Heaven's gateSUN 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Heaven's Gate, more like 'Heaven's Gait' after a few too many changs, and just as dull.
312
🍸
Maggie mays resortNATL 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Maggie Mays Resort, sounds like a bloody B&B your nan would stay in, not a bar for a proper session.
313
🌙
Moss EisleyNATL 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a place for Star Wars nerds to argue about canon, not for a proper knees-up.
314
🍺
Owls NestNATL 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Owls Nest' sounds like a B&B in the Cotswolds, not a bar on Soi LK Metro. Absolutely not funny.
315
🍸
RichIndieMongers🇮🇳SUN 🔍
22 / 100
Best day: 34 drinks
316
👑
RicksLG 2 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ricks, is it? Sounds like a bloody accountant's office, not a bar. No twist, no fun, just Rick.
317
🍸
Round 7 FinalNATL 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a boxing match or a bad video game. No knob gags here, sadly.
318
🍸
Trinidad ragaeSUN 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trinidad reggae? Sounds like a holiday brochure, not a place for a proper piss-up.
319
🎵
Bell BarLG 1 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bell Bar. Is it for ringing bells, or just incredibly boring? I'll go with boring.
320
💎
Bill‘s PalaceLG 1 🔍
20 / 100
Best day: 151 drinks
321
🍸
BrendosSUN 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Another fella's name. Brendos? Sounds like a brand of frozen chips, not a bar.
322
🐯
Chang Paradise BenchSUN 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Paradise is always a red flag, and a bench just sounds like somewhere to kip it off.
323
🌴
Enticement Paradise ClubLG 1 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Enticement Paradise Club' , corporate bollocks. Sounds like a dodgy timeshare presentation.
324
🍸
Four Walls & A BeerLG 2 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Four Walls & A Beer'? Is that a bloody prison cell or a student flat? Miserable.
325
🏆
Gary's GreatestLG 2 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Gary's Greatest, is it? Sounds like a compilation album of his best farts. Not a bar name.
326
🍸
gogogoaleialeialeiSUN 🔍
20 / 100
Best day: 91 drinks
327
🍸
Maggie May'sLG 2 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like your nan's place, not a place for a good dirty laugh. Boring, innit?
328
✨
North LANATL 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: North LA? Sounds like a place full of vegans and wankers, not a proper boozer.
329
🌴
ParadiseSUN 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Paradise'. Utterly bland. Sounds like a holiday brochure for people who enjoy beige carpets.
330
🍸
Serry'sSUN 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Serry's, sounds like a bloody laundry service, not a place you’d get a decent pint or a happy ending.
331
⚡
Sukhumvit SunsetNATL 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a brochure for a bloody retirement home. No filth, no fun.
332
🎵
The Relaxation StationNATL 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody dentist's waiting room, not a place for a proper piss-up.
333
⚡
Ukky paradiseNATL 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ukky paradise'? Sounds like a children's soft play area, not a bar.
334
🐯
WolfiesLG 2 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a kids' cartoon character, not somewhere you go for a dirty weekend.
335
👑
YuhNATL 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a sound, not a bar name. Might as well call it 'Grumble' or 'Fart Noise'.
336
🍸
Bobs barNATL 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bob's your uncle, but it's not going to get a laugh, is it? Too vanilla.
337
👑
Coconut GroveNATL 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Coconut Grove? Are we on holiday in bloody Hawaii? Too wholesome by half.
338
✨
DecibelsSUN 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a sound system shop or a boring science lesson, not a boozer.
339
🍸
dioNATL 🔍
18 / 100
Best day: 84 drinks
340
🌴
La Bella VitaLG 2 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'La Bella Vita' is too sophisticated, mate. We're not in bloody Milan, are we?
341
🍸
NaderNATL 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a name, no joke, no filth, no fun. As exciting as a soggy biscuit.
342
🍸
Nebula NightsNATL 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bad sci-fi film or a corporate event, utterly devoid of smut.
343
🍸
Neon lights barLG 1 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A description, not a name, mate, lazy as a Soi Buakhao soi dog.
344
🍸
Neon ParadiseSUN 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Neon Paradise, 'Paradise' again, mate? You're killing the vibe here, utterly generic.
345
💎
SapphireLG 2 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a cheap engagement ring or a dodgy strip club in Bolton, not Pattaya.
346
🎵
Team GreenLG 1 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody garden centre, not a place for a proper knees-up. Dire.
347
🍸
ThetSUN 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Is that a typo, mate? Sounds like a bloke clearing his throat, hardly a riot for the punters.
348
🍸
Whispering LotusSUN 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Whispering lotus, sounds like a meditation retreat, not a place to get absolutely bladdered.
349
🌴
ZongiSUN 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Utter gibberish mate, sounds like something you'd cough up after a night on the tiles. No joke in it at all.
350
🌴
7th HEAVEN XOXNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Heaven and XOXO, that's two strikes. Generic corporate nonsense, no fun at all.
351
✨
AlexNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just some bloke's name, not even a funny one like Mike Hunt or Hugh Janus. Boring.
352
🍻
Amber barSUN 🔍
15 / 100
Best day: 69 drinks
353
🍸
ANDYNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a bloke's name, isn't it? Unless Andy’s got a particularly funny knob, this is dull.
354
👑
Bradleys 2SUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bradleys 2, is it? Sounds like a discount tyre shop or a budget hotel chain. Where's the filth?
355
🌺
CharlieLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
Best day: 128 drinks
356
🐯
Club FelixNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Felix? Sounds like a posh cat food, not a place you'd get a raging hard-on after seven pints.
357
🍸
dddNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What's this, a typo? As funny as a broken condom, but without the mess.
358
🍸
Dreams Come TrueSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: More like a greeting card slogan, not a place you'd expect a happy ending.
359
⚡
EuphoriaLG 1 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Euphoria' , sounds like a bloody spa or a new age shop. Where's the grit?
360
👑
GeckoSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A lizard, is it? Not exactly going to get a rise out of anyone, is it?
361
🍸
GirlsLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Girls'. Again, stating the obvious. Is it a bar or a demographic survey?
362
💎
gregNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like your accountant, not somewhere you'd get a happy ending. Dire.
363
🐯
GrimDank III - Corpse-starchPREM 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trying too hard, this one. 'Corpse-starch'? Just confused the poor buggers.
364
🐍
IndigoLG 1 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Indigo, is it? Sounds like a posh paint colour or a boring hotel lobby. Get a grip, mate.
365
🍸
Jackie’s barSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jackie’s bar? Is Jackie a bloke or a bird? Either way, it’s duller than a nun’s knickers.
366
🍺
J barSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a letter, isn't it? Might as well be 'Bar H'.
367
🐯
Kåres retard barLG 1 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kåres retard bar'. Trying too hard to be edgy, ends up just sounding a bit sad. Not a laugh to be had.
368
💎
Ky gellNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ky gell'? What the hell is that, a misspelled German dish? Next.
369
🎲
Lanzes barLG 1 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Lanzes bar' is another boring name. Just a proper noun, no joke, no imagination. Pathetic.
370
🐯
Le furetLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Le furet, which means 'the ferret' in French. Who's gonna laugh at a bloody ferret? Give over.
371
🔥
lildev'sLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Lildev's'? Sounds like a dodgy kids' clothing shop or a bad typo. No thanks.
372
🦁
Lou'sNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Lou's? Sounds like a bloody laundrette or a place to get your bunions trimmed, not a bar.
373
🍸
Me goNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Me go? What, is it a bloody playground? Sounds like a toddler's first words, not a bar.
374
🍸
MindaNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Minda. Sounds like a brand of cheap shampoo, not a place you'd get minda-numbing drunk.
375
💎
MKS BarNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: MKS Bar, what is it, a bleedin' accounting firm? Stick to your spreadsheets, mate.
376
🍸
Pepe's BodegaLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pepe's Bodega? Sounds like a place you'd buy a dodgy burrito, not get a proper bar fine.
377
🍻
Pudjo'sNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Pudjo's' is just a name, isn't it? Might as well be 'Dave's'. No joke, no laugh, just… there.
378
💎
Sapphire BarLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Still sounds like a regional jewelers, adding 'Bar' doesn't make it any less shite.
379
🌴
Tangerine BarNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody fruit stand, not a place for a proper piss-up, does it?
380
🍸
Test EdgeSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody software company or a terrible band. Where's the filth, mate?
381
🌴
The Alluring ResidenceSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody hotel suite or a dodgy estate agent, far too posh.
382
🌙
TinysSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tinys, bit like my last erection, utterly forgettable.
383
🔥
UwUNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What's this, a bar for toddlers or a bloody cat cafe? Get that nonsense out of here.
384
👑
Bar of SmilesLG 2 🔍
12 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bar of Smiles'? Sounds like a dentist's waiting room, not a place for a proper piss-up.
385
⚡
8BSUN 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a letter and a number. Might as well call it 'Toast Rack 3'. Utter shite.
386
⚡
Avada KedavaSUN 🔍
10 / 100
Best day: 8 drinks
387
🔥
Exotic Club and barSUN 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a description, isn't it? As dull as watching paint dry. Zero effort, zero laughs.
388
🌴
Fc PattayaLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fc Pattaya'? Is this a football club or a place to get a beer? Get out of it.
389
🐯
firefoxSUN 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: You having a laugh? That's a web browser, not a bar. Get some new material, mate.
390
👑
fosNATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just three letters, looks like a typo, not a bar where you'd have a proper laugh.
391
🍸
Freerepublic2NATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the actual wank is this? Sounds like a dodgy website, not a place for a proper piss-up.
392
🐯
GrimDank II - HaemonculiPREM 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the flying f- is this? Sounds like a typo, not a place for a pint.
393
🦁
GrimDank IV - Penitent EnginePREM 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too much sci-fi bollocks, mate. No one wants to hear about your Warhammer fantasies after a few Changs.
394
🦁
GrimDank VII - House EscherCHAMP 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Honestly, mate, give it a rest. No one's coming to Pattaya for a game of bloody Dungeons and Dragons.
395
🦁
GrimDank VI - OmophageaCHAMP 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, for Christ's sake, still with the grim dark. No one cares about your made-up words, pal.
396
🐯
GrimDank V - Rubric of AhrimanPREM 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Still with the Warhammer, are we? Leave your nerdy wank for your bedroom, not a bar name.
397
🌴
G’sNATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: G's? Might as well call it 'Meh'. Zero effort, zero laughs.
398
🍸
Hitler's BunkerNATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hitler's Bunker? Come on, mate, there's 'edgy' and then there's just plain offensive and not funny.
399
🎵
JAFBLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'JAFB' is just a load of letters, no joke, no fun, probably stands for 'Just Another F***ing Bar'.
400
🌙
MoonflowerNATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Moonflower, sounds like a tea shop, not a bar where you'd see a floppy knob.
401
👑
RAK KOON BARNATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'RAK KOON BAR'? Sounds like a bloody exotic pet shop, not a bar.
402
🌴
Ray barLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Someone's name without a joke, dull as dishwater, mate.
403
🌺
SadleysNATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Sadleys' is just a surname, like a solicitor's office. Completely devoid of humour or charm. Dreadful.
404
🌴
Southern StarSUN 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Forgettable, sounds like a brand of dodgy lager, not a bar name, rubbish.
405
🍸
StepbyStepLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an instruction manual, utterly devoid of any actual fun.
406
🍸
wurrrLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wurrr? Is that the sound of a bloke trying to remember his bar fine? Pathetic, innit.
407
🍸
ZzzLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Zzz, is it a bar or a narcoleptic's diary entry, absolutely bloody terrible.
408
🐯
BarNATL 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bar'. Well, it is one, isn't it? Inspiring stuff. Next!
409
🍸
Bradleys JomtienSUN 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bradleys Jomtien, sounds like someone's boring mate opened a bar, zero imagination.
410
🦁
Escevar selancoNATL 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a Spanish holiday resort for old fannies, absolutely no laughs here.
411
⚡
Feeder1NATL 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a random word and a number. No joke, no fun. Straight to the bin.
412
🍸
NexciNATL 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Nexci. Is that a brand of dog food? Utterly meaningless rubbish.
413
🐯
SamsungCokeGarfieldBarNATL 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the name of all that is unholy is this? Sounds like a toddler's first internet search.
414
🌴
asdSUN 🔍
5 / 100
415
💎
Hopes and DreamsSUN 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody self-help group, not a bar. Far too wholesome for a laugh.
416
🍸
Idk barNATL 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Idk bar', 'I don't know' is what I'd say if you asked me if I wanted to go to this dump.
417
🌴
Life in ParadiseNATL 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Life in Paradise' is saccharine shite, sounds like a travel brochure, not a place for a proper piss-up.
418
🌴
MrWhoSUN 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: MrWho, utterly meaningless, mate, sounds like a question, not a bar.
419
🌺
RainLG 2 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Rain'? What, am I supposed to cry into my beer? Absolutely shite.
420
🍸
Test2SUN 🔍
5 / 100
Best day: 8 drinks
421
🍸
ThfjfhfhdNATL 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the name of a drunken keyboard smash is this? Pure gibberish, utterly shite.
422
👑
yesNATL 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Yes, the most boring bar name imaginable, no effort, no joke, just a yes.
423
🍸
TestSUN 🔍
4 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Test'? Is this a bar or an exam, mate? Absolutely no effort, just like my morning piss.
424
🍸
dasdSUN 🔍
0 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the actual arse is this? It's not a bar, it's a keyboard spasm after too many Changs.
425
🍸
NiggerNATL 🔍
0 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely not. Unacceptable on every level, no humour, just offensive.
Top ringers this week
🔔
#1
🏆
Fruit Fizz
6 🔔
#2
⚡
Folterkeller
6 🔔
#3
🎵
35 Virtual Ladydrinks Livestream Bar
6 🔔
#4
🍸
100% Laos Girlz
6 🔔
#5
🍸
Goblin's Revenge VI
5 🔔
Bar chalkboard league ladder
LEADERBOARDTonight's soi standings.

Leaderboard

Bars ranked by name. Gemini's verdict, 0 to 100. Subjective, by design.

🔍
Meta digest, what the top 20 did yesterday
Captain picks · most rostered · chip usage · personalised gap analysis
›
🏆
Honours Board, every league champion ever crowned
The permanent record, one section per league · once you're up, you're up forever
›
🏆 Season
Yesterday This week
Revenue Earnings Avg / day
🏅 Achievements 💃 Team Value 🏘️ Groups 👑 Empires 😂 Funniest
League: Premier Championship League One League Two National Sunday Closed 425 / 696
🔍
🥈 #2
Loose Sphincters 69
100 / 100
Sphincterwish Group
🥇 #1
Biggus Dickus
100 / 100
Fatchef
🥉 #3
Piss Flap Bar
100 / 100
BOLOA
# Bar Best day?Highest single-day drinks total this bar has posted.📖 Learn more Funny Score?Primary ranking metric for this leaderboard view, switch tabs to sort by a different metric.📖 Learn more Trend?7-day sparkline of daily drink totals, rising line means momentum is building, falling means cooling off. Days
1
🐯
Biggus Dickus ℹ️ 🏆 24
Fatchef
the Pattaya Turtle says: The absolute pinnacle, the Python tax is in full effect, a majestic Roman willy joke.
 216 100 / 100 97
2
🍸
Loose Sphincters 69 ℹ️ 🏆 15
Sphincterwish Group
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely filthy, explicit, and the '69' just seals the deal. Top tier, this.
 25 100 / 100 51
3
🐯
Piss Flap Bar ℹ️ 🏆 13
BOLOA
the Pattaya Turtle says: Utterly, spectacularly filthy, a perfect crude body-part name, the absolute pinnacle of bar names.
 53 100 / 100 53
4
👑
MasterBaiter ℹ️ 🏆 28
Centaur
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic of the genre, crude, clever, and absolutely guaranteed to get a guffaw.
 148 99 / 100 44
5
⚡
Cum back bar ℹ️ 🏆 16
bamber
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cum back bar, simple, direct, and exactly what every fella hopes for after a few Singhas. Brilliant.
 129 98 / 100 29
6
🐯
GOBALLS DEEP ℹ️ 🏆 15
Hotler42
the Pattaya Turtle says: Expletive, direct, and gloriously inappropriate, hits the spot like a cheap beer.
 209 98 / 100 45
7
🔥
Hooker cream pussy bar ℹ️ 🏆 32
Chefs1980
the Pattaya Turtle says: Blunt as a butter knife, crude as a tramp's arse, absolutely perfect for a laugh and a wank.
 233 98 / 100 54
8
✨
Loose Sphincters R Us 1 ℹ️ 🏆 13
phil
the Pattaya Turtle says: Loose Sphincters R Us 1, pure gold, mate, that's got Frankie Boyle written all over it.
 177 98 / 100 56
9
🐯
Pussy Galore ℹ️ 🏆 11
Mr Pussy Licker
the Pattaya Turtle says: Filthy, classic, and rolls off the tongue like a drunken confession. Top-tier, that.
 115 98 / 100 21
10
🍺
Pussy Lips ℹ️ 🏆 11
Jhartt00
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pure filth and phonetic gold. 'Pussy Lips' is exactly the kind of crude, in-your-face name that wins big.
 218 98 / 100 27
11
🎵
Sillius Soddus ℹ️ 🏆 11
dokomero
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sillius Soddus, the Monty Python tax is paid in full, pure gold, I'm already laughing like a drain.
 90 98 / 100 21
12
👑
The Shaved Beaver ℹ️ 🏆 14
RIckster
the Pattaya Turtle says: Filthy, suggestive, and guaranteed to make any bloke grin like a Cheshire cat. Top tier filth.
 142 98 / 100 50
13
✨
Winkey Wankey Woo ℹ️ 🏆 30
Jobber
695 98 / 100 59
14
🌴
Beef Curtains ℹ️ 🏆 34
Erddig
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely magnificent, a proper bit of filth that conjures up all sorts of images.
 261 97 / 100 119
15
👑
Cockmongler Tavern ℹ️ 🏆 34
cockmongler
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cockmongler Tavern, that's just beautiful. A proper, unadulterated bit of British filth.
 670 96 / 100 77
16
🔥
Baldy Pussy ℹ️ 🏆 27
Marco
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Baldy Pussy', beautiful, a classic, makes you think of a well-worn landing strip. Top marks.
 240 95 / 100 54
17
🐯
Ballbag Willies ℹ️ 🏆 14
Bigjohnthedon
the Pattaya Turtle says: That's the stuff, crude, rude, and exactly what a drunk expat would find hilarious.
 92 95 / 100 53
18
🎲
Balloon Knot ℹ️ 🏆 14
Elbart
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom! Straight into the high tier. A 'balloon knot' is as crude and funny as it gets for a drunk expat.
 162 95 / 100 37
19
🍸
Bum Fun ℹ️ 🏆 27
rod
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, crude, and perfectly encapsulates the spirit of a good night out in Pattaya.
 590 95 / 100 52
20
✨
Chocolate Star Fish ℹ️ 🏆 29
ChocolateMan2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic, straight to the point, and guaranteed to make a drunk expat snort beer out their nose.
 740 95 / 100 58
21
🐯
Cock and Dandy ℹ️ 🏆 21
flashydavid
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Cock and Dandy'. Oh, that's a proper British pub name. Sounds like an old boy who’s a bit too fond of himself.
 282 95 / 100 52
22
👑
Palace a Blow-Blow ℹ️ 🏆 32
EmperorNapoleon
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pure phonetic filth, sounds like a proper good time, if you catch my drift. Excellent.
 705 95 / 100 58
23
🎲
Ray’s Boom Boom Room ℹ️ 🏆 11
acryia
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ray's Boom Boom Room. Phonetic gold, crude, and promises exactly what a drunk wants. Top marks.
 110 95 / 100 21
24
🍻
Sloppy BJs ℹ️ 🏆 10
zips
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, no faffing about. A classic bar name for a classic pastime, innit?
 100 95 / 100 25
25
🍸
Test test testisi ℹ️ 🏆 12
SepharoN
the Pattaya Turtle says: Test test testisi, pure phonetic gold, a Latin-sounding bollock bonanza. Brilliant.
 86 95 / 100 49
26
🐯
The Pink Pusy ℹ️ 🏆 13
NAPZ
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brilliantly simple, crude and direct, no misinterpretation there, straight to the top.
 65 95 / 100 53
27
🌴
Wandering Willies ℹ️ 🏆 4
Willy
– 95 / 100 21
28
🔥
The Chunky Munkey ℹ️ 🏆 11
mr wibbly
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Chunky Munkey' is fantastic, mate. Rhymes, rude, and exactly what you'd call a fat old geezer dancing on the bar.…
 89 94 / 100 20
29
⚡
Free the willies ℹ️ 🏆 6
Jaffyjeez2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Free the Willies, a brilliant play on words, combining liberation with a willy joke. Superb.
 26 93 / 100 47
30
🍻
Chang and Done ℹ️ 🏆 18
jones
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chang and Done, sounds like a proper filthy romp, like Biggus Dickus after a session, pure gold, mate.
 160 92 / 100 25
31
🐍
Cum city ℹ️ 🏆 13
NellyBelly
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, love a good cum joke, and 'city' makes it sound like a proper destination.
 146 92 / 100 34
32
👑
FAT FANNIES ℹ️ 🏆 15
Maggie Mays
the Pattaya Turtle says: Beautiful, a classic. You can practically hear the guffaws from Soi Buakhao.
 60 92 / 100 53
33
🍸
Fishy Fingers ℹ️ 🏆 14
Skinny
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fishy Fingers, eh? Sounds like a good night out down a Bangkok back alley, love it.
 159 92 / 100 56
34
🐲
fuck town ℹ️ 🏆 13
chloe
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, no faffing about, you know what you're getting, like a good bar fine.
 56 92 / 100 20
35
🎲
Jackson's Hole ℹ️ 🏆 13
wy7usa
239 92 / 100 27
36
🍸
Jub Jub Bar ℹ️ 🏆 8
jnorre
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jub Jub sounds like an old fella with a prolapsed anus trying to clear his throat, pure gold.
 21 92 / 100 20
37
🔥
Just cum in ℹ️ 🏆 13
just0888
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, direct, and exactly what a pissed bloke would snort at. Top shelf filth.
 87 92 / 100 30
38
🍸
Korn Fix Verification ℹ️ 🏆 7
kornfixverify2026
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bloody brilliant, sounds like what you'd get after a dodgy curry and too much Chang.
 7 92 / 100 20
39
✨
Loose Sphincters 2 ℹ️ 🏆 15
Sphincterwish Group
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Loose Sphincters 2'. Still got it. A sequel that delivers, unlike most Hollywood shite these days.
 158 92 / 100 52
40
✨
Loose Sphincters 3 ℹ️ 🏆 19
Sphincterwish Group
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Loose Sphincters 3'. The trilogy is complete, and still a winner. Like a good curry, it keeps giving.
 247 92 / 100 52
41
⚡
Loose Sphincters 5 ℹ️ 🏆 15
Sphincterwish Group
35 92 / 100 52
42
🍻
Mongers Paradise ℹ️ 🏆 12
MongersParadise
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks, this, 'Paradise' is usually shite but 'Mongers' lifts it right into the filth zone. Proper Pattaya gold.
 142 92 / 100 21
43
🍸
Perfect Peaches ℹ️ 🏆 11
SteveP
the Pattaya Turtle says: Perfect Peaches, now that sounds like a good time, especially if they're serving them up fresh off the tree, know what…
 153 92 / 100 20
44
✨
Pussy Club ℹ️ 🏆 17
Ben
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, crude, and utterly brilliant. No faffing about, just straight to the good stuff.
 203 92 / 100 51
45
🌺
sexy shit ℹ️ 🏆 12
ken
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, simple, and exactly what a drunk wants to shout, perfect for a good old Pattaya piss-up.
 37 92 / 100 20
46
🌴
Stagger Inn ℹ️ 🏆 13
ghoul41
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like 'Stag Her In', perfect for getting a randy bloke through the door, simple and filthy.
 100 92 / 100 20
47
🍺
Thai Pussy Bar ℹ️ 🏆 10
JadeMako501
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, direct, and exactly what a pissed bloke on Soi Buakhao wants to hear. Top tier filth.
 89 92 / 100 21
48
💎
The Mermaid's Ass ℹ️ 🏆 20
mermaidass
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, direct, and paints a lovely mental image for a pissed expat, top tier filth.
 137 92 / 100 23
49
💎
The Permanent Resident ℹ️ 🏆 10
timchan123
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an expat who's 'permanently resident' in some poor tart's fanny, brilliant.
 97 92 / 100 20
50
🍸
The wizards sleeve ℹ️ 🏆 13
ljc1991
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The wizards sleeve' is top-tier filth, an absolute classic bit of slang. Pure, unadulterated smut.
 190 92 / 100 20
51
🍸
Whale Cum Inn ℹ️ 🏆 13
butterfly
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for a name that sounds like a seaman's delight, proper phonetic gold for a filthy mind.
 50 92 / 100 53
52
🍸
Boom Boom Bunker ℹ️ 🏆 11
Manu
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom Boom Bunker, absolutely spot on. Pattaya specific filth, pure gold for a drunk expat.
 117 90 / 100 20
53
🍸
Dirty Berty ℹ️ 🏆 24
berty_g
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, Dirty Berty, sounds like a proper filthy madam or a bloke who needs a good scrub. Rhymes too, top marks.
 172 90 / 100 88
54
🍻
Ditto's Hole ℹ️ 🏆 10
Dittohead
110 90 / 100 21
55
⚡
Free Willy II ℹ️ 🏆 27
Sheldon
the Pattaya Turtle says: Still funny the second time, though not as fresh as the original. Willy still wants to be free.
 266 90 / 100 110
56
🐯
GILF Paradise ℹ️ 🏆 8
lickylicklick
the Pattaya Turtle says: GILF Paradise, straight to the point and gloriously filthy. No room for misunderstanding there.
 56 90 / 100 20
57
⚡
High Mileage Ho ℹ️ 🏆 10
3H
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'High Mileage Ho' is straight to the point, crude, and perfectly suited for the clientele.
 75 90 / 100 23
58
⚡
KnullaLagom ℹ️ 🏆 10
Bbaneman
the Pattaya Turtle says: KnullaLagom, sounds like 'knob and lag em', perfect for a drunken session on Soi Buakhao.
 107 90 / 100 21
59
🔥
Lickables ℹ️ 🏆 21
CharzsB
the Pattaya Turtle says: Lickables. Direct, crude, and gets straight to the point. Perfect for a bit of naughty fun.
 159 90 / 100 35
60
✨
Loose Sphincters 1 ℹ️ 🏆 30
Sphincterwish Group
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, that's a good one. Hits the spot, makes you wince and laugh all at once. Top marks.
 376 90 / 100 53
61
🍸
Sloppy Head ℹ️ 🏆 12
Rockstar
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sloppy Head, a classic, crude, and instantly understood. A proper pub name.
 104 90 / 100 47
62
💎
The Pussy ℹ️ 🏆 15
asdd4wffsf4fs
89 90 / 100 20
63
✨
WhoreMeOut ℹ️ 🏆 15
McBlobby
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, no messing about, a name that perfectly sums up a night on Soi LK Metro.
 131 90 / 100 53
64
🐯
Koh Chang Fat Birds ℹ️ 🏆 33
chang
the Pattaya Turtle says: Koh Chang Fat Birds, combines a location with an image that will make any drunk laugh.
 650 89 / 100 54
65
👑
Backdoor Beauties ℹ️ 🏆 36
HansumMan
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude and direct, just the way we like it. Gets straight to the point, this one.
 645 88 / 100 59
66
⚡
Blue Balls ℹ️ 🏆 8
chris
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic, simple, and every bloke knows that feeling. A solid, reliable gag.
 41 88 / 100 53
67
🍸
Boom boom ℹ️ 🏆 19
Leopard
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom Boom! Short, sharp, and straight to the point, just like a quickie down Soi Buakhao.
 139 88 / 100 25
68
🍻
Chai me dai pom ℹ️ 🏆 12
Alissaman
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, mate, 'Chai me dai pom' sounds like 'Try my big pom' to a pissed expat.
 122 88 / 100 21
69
🍻
Chickens bar ℹ️ 🏆 7
Jeepsrt888
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brings to mind a cock, then a chicken, then a ladyboy, the whole bloody menagerie. Top marks for a simple name.
 11 88 / 100 20
70
✨
Fat Toms sausage factory ℹ️ 🏆 19
Wagner Sam
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fat Tom's Sausage Factory, that's just pure phonetic gold, a proper grubby delight.
 220 88 / 100 51
71
👑
Fluffers ℹ️ 🏆 10
topdogcfo
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of industry slang, crude, direct, and gets a proper snort laugh.
 114 88 / 100 46
72
🌴
Funky Donkey ℹ️ 🏆 11
Pattaya01
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Funky Donkey' is pure phonetic comedy gold, rhymes perfectly and sounds like a dirty dance move.
 111 88 / 100 25
73
⚡
Hansum Man ℹ️ 🏆 20
Dickachu
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hansum Man' is pure Pattaya filth, mate. Sounds like a desperate punter on Soi Buakhao, gets a right laugh.
 225 88 / 100 27
74
🌴
MM Chunky Pumpers ℹ️ 🏆 28
charlie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fantastic, a made-up compound word that screams filth and gets a proper chuckle.
 287 88 / 100 87
75
🍺
Nips&slips ℹ️ 🏆 13
lostinpattaya
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an old dear's got her knickers in a twist, but it's proper filthy for us lot.
 136 88 / 100 21
76
🍺
OldUglyFatFucks ℹ️ 🏆 14
Rickster72
the Pattaya Turtle says: Honest, direct, and probably describes half the clientele. Gets a good chuckle from the self-aware.
 151 88 / 100 26
77
🌺
Pinkies ℹ️ 🏆 12
Monitos501
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pinkies, short for pink bits, I reckon. Any drunk expat would snort his Chang through his nose at this one.
 128 88 / 100 22
78
✨
Pink Pony Bar ℹ️ 🏆 12
mxw
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a nasty infection you'd pick up after a particularly enthusiastic night on Soi Buakhao, perfect.
 114 88 / 100 21
79
🍸
Ploughed ℹ️ 🏆 46
n2kinkz
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ploughed, perfect for a bar on Soi Buakhao, everyone’s getting ploughed there anyway.
 854 88 / 100 80
80
🍸
Pussycat lounge ℹ️ 🏆 24
lanzelote
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for 'Pussycat', a classic bit of suggestive filth, but 'lounge' drags it down like a cheap anchor.
 142 88 / 100 37
81
🍻
Reverse Cowgirl ℹ️ 🏆 11
Mick Deen
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, clear, and perfectly sums up a Friday night in Pattaya, brilliant.
 85 88 / 100 21
82
🌙
Silo Silk ℹ️ 🏆 6
Simantha
the Pattaya Turtle says: Silo Silk, eh? Sounds a bit like 'thigh low, suck', and that's pure gold for a pissed expat.
 19 88 / 100 21
83
✨
Sinderella's ℹ️ 🏆 25
hammerhiem75
the Pattaya Turtle says: A nice bit of phonetic filth, sounds like something you'd catch after a dirty weekend.
 218 88 / 100 79
84
⚡
Sip Happens ℹ️ 🏆 42
jamescoffee
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for a name that sounds like a clumsy drunk trying to order a pint and getting it gloriously wrong.
 679 88 / 100 48
85
✨
SoiHokSoiSokhapok Bar ℹ️ 🏆 11
Thaitan
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Sokhapok' sounds like 'suck a cock', pure phonetic gold for a pished punter. Top bollocks.
 142 88 / 100 41
86
🍺
Still Loaded ℹ️ 🏆 9
Still_Loaded
38 88 / 100 25
87
⚡
The 3rd hole ℹ️ 🏆 13
6ULDV8
the Pattaya Turtle says: The 3rd Hole, beautiful. A classic golf double entendre, always gets a snigger from the blokes.
 171 88 / 100 20
88
💎
The Bhat Cave ℹ️ 🏆 3
JadeGibbon716
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of phonetic genius, sounds like 'bat cave' but with a filthy Thai twist.
 22 88 / 100 21
89
🌴
The Black congo ℹ️ 🏆 10
limmieo
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Black Congo', eh? Sounds like a description of my ex-wife's fanny after a particularly aggressive bush trim.
 127 88 / 100 20
90
👑
The Flaming Basil ℹ️ 🏆 4
ahhh
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an arsehole on fire after a dodgy curry, perfect for a good laugh.
 44 88 / 100 20
91
🌺
The Lost Passport Lounge ℹ️ 🏆 21
lostpassport
the Pattaya Turtle says: Lost passport, lost dignity, lost a bit of yourself on Soi Buakhao, classic Pattaya. Chuckle.
 174 88 / 100 32
92
🍺
The Rusty Attic ℹ️ 🏆 20
bendn
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a dodgy gynaecological exam, pure gold for a pissed expat.
 125 88 / 100 34
93
🔥
Town Bicycle ℹ️ 🏆 10
TB Club
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ha, a good one for the missus, or the local easy tart. Gets a proper guffaw from the punters.
 228 88 / 100 28
94
🌙
Turuk Bar ℹ️ 🏆 10
cyerol
the Pattaya Turtle says: Turuk Bar, pure phonetic gold, sounds like a drunken mate trying to say 'turd hook' after twelve pints.
 93 88 / 100 21
95
🍸
小白就把 ℹ️ 🏆 10
baijingchen
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like 'Shao Bai Jiu Ba', a proper phonetic goldmine for a sloshed Farang trying to order a pint.
 71 88 / 100 21
96
🍸
dick ℹ️ 🏆 5
bloxgod71237
the Pattaya Turtle says: Short, to the point, and undeniably vulgar. A proper no-nonsense name for a proper no-nonsense bar.
 – 87 / 100 20
97
🌴
Jolly Jungle Juice Jelly Jar ℹ️ 🏆 17
juice
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jolly Jungle Juice Jelly Jar, all that alliteration and a hint of dodgy liquid, brilliant.
 173 87 / 100 23
98
🌴
whores galore ℹ️ 🏆 13
klonk
the Pattaya Turtle says: Whores Galore, does what it says on the tin, no beating around the bush with that one.
 255 87 / 100 48
99
👑
BoomBoom Club ℹ️ 🏆 23
boomboom
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pattaya context, simple, and everyone knows what 'boom boom' means. Gets the job done.
 159 85 / 100 74
100
🎲
Dining at the Y ℹ️ 🏆 38
destitude
the Pattaya Turtle says: Dining at the Y, oh, very good. A classic for a reason. Imagine explaining that to your mum.
 530 85 / 100 130
101
🍸
Just Virgins ℹ️ 🏆 10
Vegetex
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Just Virgins' is brilliantly dark and ironic, exactly the kind of twisted joke that lands with a thump here.
 75 85 / 100 21
102
🐯
Private Dick ℹ️ 🏆 30
Colin
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic double entendre, the old 'private dick' always gets a snigger from the blokes.
 674 85 / 100 59
103
🌴
Schlongs ℹ️ 🏆 14
schlongsbar
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Schlongs' , simple, direct, and straight to the point. Every expat will get it.
 265 85 / 100 37
104
🐍
Two Inch Bar ℹ️ 🏆 11
Pingu11
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, effective, and straight to the point about what you're likely to find in Pattaya. Always a winner.
 150 85 / 100 27
105
💎
Bareback Bar ℹ️ 🏆 7
Hildur_1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bareback, eh? Sounds like a trip to the doctor is on the cards, but we'll laugh first.
 106 82 / 100 21
106
🐍
Bom-Bom Bar ℹ️ 🏆 19
Mamasan
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bom-Bom Bar. A bit of a phonetic treat, sounds like a proper dirty bang-bang joint.
 231 82 / 100 46
107
✨
goon paradice ℹ️ 🏆 14
ross-ygwfiw
the Pattaya Turtle says: Goon Paradice, a double-whammy of cheap wine and cheeky wordplay. Lovely stuff.
 149 82 / 100 48
108
⚡
Happy Spanker ℹ️ 🏆 35
Dan6969
the Pattaya Turtle says: Happy Spanker, straight to the point with the filth, gets a good chuckle.
 585 82 / 100 61
109
🌴
Pattaya Bush Company ℹ️ 🏆 12
dresden69
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Pattaya Bush Company' , 'Bush' always gets a snigger, especially paired with 'Company'. Top notch.
 95 82 / 100 37
110
🐲
Soi Sirens ℹ️ 🏆 9
MangoPelican699
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a proper flock of loose women, doesn't it? Good phonetic flow, proper Pattaya filth.
 121 82 / 100 21
111
🍸
Sticky Bamboo ℹ️ 🏆 10
bamboo_steve
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sticky Bamboo, conjures up all sorts of unsavoury images. Filthy, just what we like.
 48 82 / 100 20
112
💎
Thai Me Up Lounge ℹ️ 🏆 11
guillaumesmr
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of Pattaya filth, simple, effective, and straight to the point.
 105 82 / 100 21
113
🍺
The Pink Box ℹ️ 🏆 12
UKBusinessman
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Pink Box' is a solid, crude euphemism. Simple, effective, and gets the message across without a wink.
 161 82 / 100 21
114
⚡
Brown ⭐ ℹ️ 🏆 19
Soi6
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brown ⭐, simple, suggestive, and leaves just enough to the imagination, top marks.
 170 80 / 100 53
115
🌙
Chang Chang Bang Bang ℹ️ 🏆 6
Chang Chang
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Chang Chang Bang Bang', that's got a lovely rhythm, a proper phonetic earworm for a drunkard.
 – 80 / 100 31
116
👑
King of Boobs Bar ℹ️ 🏆 34
GregGoes
371 80 / 100 111
117
🌴
NightFart ℹ️ 🏆 18
Liron
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'NightFart'. Simple, stupid, and makes me chuckle. Imagine trying to explain that to your missus.
 188 80 / 100 52
118
✨
Nipslip ℹ️ 🏆 8
Coopsthai
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a chuckle, a nice double entendre for those who appreciate the subtle art of the flash.
 41 80 / 100 50
119
⚡
Spunk Point 2 ℹ️ 🏆 33
Etherrider
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Spunk Point 2' is wonderfully crude and direct. The '2' is a nice touch, implying more where that came from.
 210 80 / 100 99
120
🍸
stevengaybar ℹ️ 🏆 6
stevengay
the Pattaya Turtle says: Stevengaybar, direct and to the point, no subtlety, just pure honest filth. Good.
 – 80 / 100 67
121
🐍
Sticky Rice Parlour ℹ️ 🏆 15
colinferris
the Pattaya Turtle says: Suggestive and a local favourite, 'sticky rice' conjures up all sorts of glorious, messy images.
 114 80 / 100 20
122
🐍
3am Still Going ℹ️ 🏆 8
CrimsonLotus943
the Pattaya Turtle says: Relatable to any sad old git stumbling out of a bar at that time, still hoping for a bit of action.
 42 78 / 100 21
123
🦁
Beefys Bar ℹ️ 🏆 15
Beefy
172 78 / 100 24
124
👑
Down under bar ℹ️ 🏆 19
Rusty25
the Pattaya Turtle says: Down Under Bar. Plenty of potential for dirty jokes about hairy bits, solid crude fun.
 367 78 / 100 35
125
🌴
EPSTEIN ISLAND ℹ️ 🏆 35
Epstienisland
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too topical and serious, but the expat crowd would chuckle at the sheer audacity.
 264 78 / 100 142
126
👑
Flaming GoGo ℹ️ 🏆 28
shaneb76
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flaming GoGo', sounds like a nasty case of the clap after a good night, top marks for the imagery.
 166 78 / 100 38
127
👑
Hungry Hippo’s ℹ️ 🏆 31
Capthanky
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hungry Hippo’s'. Bit of a classic cartoon gag, but the 'hippo's' adds a nice touch of desperation. Decent.
 400 78 / 100 117
128
✨
No Fatties ℹ️ 🏆 27
testtesttest
the Pattaya Turtle says: A good, honest policy statement, you know exactly what you're getting, or rather, not getting.
 288 78 / 100 104
129
🐯
No Indians Bar ℹ️ 🏆 29
will
the Pattaya Turtle says: No Indians Bar, direct, offensive, and exactly what a drunk expat would laugh at. Points for honesty.
 638 78 / 100 82
130
⚡
Poundsand ℹ️ 🏆 25
Bunz
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Poundsand' , sounds just like 'pounds and' but also 'puss and', like a cat's arse or something. Filthy.
 237 78 / 100 51
131
⚡
Power Cut Pavilion ℹ️ 🏆 11
pressboxreview
the Pattaya Turtle says: Power Cut Pavilion, a proper Pattaya problem and a nice alliteration, you cheeky bastard.
 106 78 / 100 21
132
⚡
Swallow ℹ️ 🏆 15
Planter
the Pattaya Turtle says: Excellent, a perfect double-meaning that any expat will immediately get, top tier.
 109 78 / 100 54
133
🔥
The Velvet Banana ℹ️ 🏆 12
HomeyB
the Pattaya Turtle says: The 'Velvet Banana' is a decent bit of innuendo, makes you wonder what's soft and yellow inside.
 278 78 / 100 27
134
🌺
Boobies ℹ️ 🏆 3
jinke15
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent effort, 'Boobies' is always good for a chuckle, but it lacks a second dirty word for true greatness.
 – 75 / 100 21
135
🌴
Coconut Office ℹ️ 🏆 12
ZdoesPattaya
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bit of a laugh, 'coconut' sounds a bit daft and 'office' implies some dodgy dealings. Good for a snigger.
 259 75 / 100 28
136
🌺
Doxy Dreams ℹ️ 🏆 12
Heatseeker48
the Pattaya Turtle says: Doxy, meaning tart or prostitute, dreaming of a nice fat wallet. Spot on for Soi Buakhao.
 138 75 / 100 20
137
🍸
Engagement Test Bar ℹ️ 🏆 7
engagement_test_user
the Pattaya Turtle says: Engagement Test Bar. You know exactly what kind of 'test' they're running in there. Cheeky.
 81 75 / 100 21
138
🍸
fucku ℹ️ 🏆 10
spiffer
the Pattaya Turtle says: fucku, blunt, to the point, and precisely what a drunk expat would say, no messing about.
 82 75 / 100 21
139
🌴
Fuck you @petOr bar ℹ️ 🏆 13
Petorgay
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit shouty for my taste, but the sentiment is spot on, who doesn't love a good 'fuck you'?
 63 75 / 100 53
140
🌴
Knee Deep ℹ️ 🏆 13
Kneedeep
the Pattaya Turtle says: Good, solid innuendo, and it's got a nice ring to it. Gets a nod of approval.
 85 75 / 100 52
141
💎
NoMoneyNoHoney ℹ️ 🏆 6
PattayaPaul
the Pattaya Turtle says: NoMoneyNoHoney, a golden rule of the strip, simple, direct, and universally understood by every punter.
 8 75 / 100 21
142
🍸
sex ℹ️ 🏆 9
maain14
the Pattaya Turtle says: Short, sweet, and to the point, like a drunken fumble in the back of a baht bus.
 32 75 / 100 20
143
⚡
Short Time Bar ℹ️ 🏆 11
psm916
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Short Time Bar' , classic Pattaya slang, straight to the point and gets a nod of recognition.
 103 75 / 100 37
144
⚡
The Dirty One ℹ️ 🏆 30 ⚔️ Big Bush Bar
Adamski
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Dirty One, a bit vague, but it sets an expectation, like a suspicious stain.
 212 72 / 100 111
145
🍸
The Tipsy Gecko ℹ️ 🏆 8
tipsygecko_qa30
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tipsy Gecko sounds like a right little wanker, probably sticky too, so a decent enough name.
 115 72 / 100 21
146
🐯
Dicks ℹ️ 🏆 11
Flowers
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct and unambiguous, but could do with a little more flair or a clever twist.
 27 70 / 100 53
147
🐯
Dik ℹ️ 🏆 7
Green
the Pattaya Turtle says: Nearly there, but it's missing the extra layer of filth or a rhyming partner to make it shine.
 35 70 / 100 53
148
🌺
Flip Flop Fiesta ℹ️ 🏆 13
pattayamad
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flip Flop Fiesta', a good phonetic rhyme, makes you think of drunken antics and lost footwear.
 231 70 / 100 29
149
🍻
Holes and goals ℹ️ 🏆 10
Andy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Alright, 'Holes and Goals' has a bit of an innuendo, makes you think of some dodgy sports. It's passable.
 150 70 / 100 26
150
⚡
iPhone McPhoneface ℹ️ 🏆 12
iphone
the Pattaya Turtle says: iPhone McPhoneface, a bit of a meme, but it's got a silly, modern daftness to it.
 27 70 / 100 53
151
⚡
Spinner Central ℹ️ 🏆 34
-Drewza-
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent bit of innuendo, conjures up images of dizzying fun, probably followed by a headache.
 261 70 / 100 147
152
✨
The G Spot ℹ️ 🏆 34
Nickh
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of innuendo, simple and effective, gets the message across without being too subtle.
 395 70 / 100 159
153
⚡
The petting zoo ℹ️ 🏆 14
tbd
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Petting Zoo' , a solid innuendo, conjures up a few dirty images for sure.
 84 70 / 100 35
154
🌴
Breakfast Beer Bar ℹ️ 🏆 9
NeonGibbon624
the Pattaya Turtle says: Breakfast, beer, and a bloke needing a quickie before the missus wakes. Decent, but no 'Wankmuffin' is it?
 107 68 / 100 21
155
⚡
Chickentikka ℹ️ 🏆 12
Smelly
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Chickentikka'. Sounds like a decent curry, but as a bar name it's a bit out of place. Still, makes me hungry.
 68 68 / 100 52
156
🍸
Haha bar ℹ️ 🏆 3
hahaboy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full laugh, but a good chuckle, like a rusty zipper on a dodgy tracksuit.
 – 68 / 100 20
157
🌴
Nothing To See Here Social ℹ️ 🏆 26
Jani
the Pattaya Turtle says: Nothing To See Here Social. A bit ironic, but it takes a moment to land, could be cruder.
 202 68 / 100 112
158
🔥
Puttanesca ℹ️ 🏆 10
CrimsonLotus569
191 68 / 100 21
159
🍸
Sleepy Crab Bar ℹ️ 🏆 5
sleepy_crab
the Pattaya Turtle says: Got that 'crab' reference in there, nice one. Subtle enough to get a giggle without being too obvious.
 20 68 / 100 20
160
🍺
The Crow's Nest ℹ️ 🏆 17
kg7mxh
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'crow's breast', which is a laugh, but not quite the full monty.
 114 68 / 100 20
161
🔥
The Rising Sign Saloon ℹ️ 🏆 9
dqjejndpeqoide
the Pattaya Turtle says: Rising sign, rising dick, it's alright, a bit slow for a proper belly laugh though.
 104 68 / 100 20
162
🍺
The Tipsy Turtle ℹ️ 🏆 11
TurtleReviewer30
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full turtle, more like a half-chub, but the alliteration gives it a bit of a bounce.
 63 68 / 100 20
163
🐯
The Weasel ℹ️ 🏆 3
TurboHornbill690
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Weasel', eh? A bit of a cheeky bugger, that. Like your mate Dave after he’s had too many Singhas and eyes up your…
 – 68 / 100 20
164
🌙
Tung Tung Sahur ℹ️ 🏆 12
perunaperhonen
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'tongue tongue' and 'sausage', a bit of a stretch but a chuckle for the truly sloshed.
 110 68 / 100 21
165
🐯
Cub Kitten ℹ️ 🏆 26
bwfc1987
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, got a bit of 'cub' and 'kitten' for the punters who like 'em young, but no proper filth.
 136 67 / 100 21
166
🐲
69 Bar ℹ️ 🏆 7
beansvine
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sixty-nine, eh? Bit obvious, like a magician showing you the rabbit before he's even pulled it out.
 80 65 / 100 23
167
💎
Angel Dust ℹ️ 🏆 13
Aj3939
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not bad, sounds like a proper messy night out, a bit trippy, but not quite crude enough for top marks.
 267 65 / 100 27
168
✨
Bangers ℹ️ 🏆 18
Bangers
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent innuendo, evokes images of a good British sausage, but could be cruder.
 171 65 / 100 53
169
🔥
Crazy man bar ℹ️ 🏆 5
muppen17
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crazy Man Bar, simple, direct, and probably accurate for half the punters on Soi Buakhao.
 – 65 / 100 21
170
🔥
Fireball ℹ️ 🏆 34
Perfect 10 Chief
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like a dose of clap, but it's not quite a full-on laugh.
 291 65 / 100 106
171
🐯
GrimDank I - Daemonculaba ℹ️ 🏆 51
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too long, too niche, but 'Daemonculaba' sounds a bit like something a dodgy doctor would offer.
 829 65 / 100 112
172
🍸
Monkey Buisness ℹ️ 🏆 22
Rishken
123 65 / 100 49
173
💎
Perfect 10 ℹ️ 🏆 47
Perfect 10 Chief
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Perfect 10' has a nice, crude double entendre. We all know what '10s' you're after here, mate.
 538 65 / 100 139
174
🎵
Pineapple Cove ℹ️ 🏆 9
JasonSinclair
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'taint' if you've had enough Singha, but not quite crude enough for top marks.
 60 65 / 100 20
175
🐍
Poison Play Bar ℹ️ 🏆 16
MelloDB
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Poison Play' sounds a bit like a game of Russian roulette with your dangly bits, but it ain't got that proper phonetic…
 163 65 / 100 24
176
🍸
~Sexy Street~ ℹ️ 🏆 15
barlover81
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit on the nose and not very imaginative but it gets the point across for the bewildered expat.
 147 65 / 100 21
177
🍸
The Bronze Briton ℹ️ 🏆 12
bbcnews
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like a cheap tan, but not quite crude enough for a proper snort-laugh.
 160 65 / 100 28
178
⚡
The shipfaced sailor ℹ️ 🏆 13
Samgdj
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The shipfaced sailor'. Good mental image, but it's a bit long and doesn't quite hit the crude spot. Needs more arse.
 29 65 / 100 52
179
🔥
Rabbit Run ℹ️ 🏆 13
Tommyrobbo
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a giggle, makes you think of a quick dash, but not quite crude enough for a top score.
 176 62 / 100 26
180
🍸
Raymond Revuebar ℹ️ 🏆 33
paul
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a nod to the old London peep shows, a clever sort of smut for the connoisseur.
 739 62 / 100 59
181
🍸
Bust Up ℹ️ 🏆 8
Loser
the Pattaya Turtle says: Could mean a fight or a good time, ambiguous but with a hint of proper chaos.
 – 60 / 100 43
182
⚡
Cheapest Charlie ℹ️ 🏆 14
Beachrdindian
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Cheapest Charlie'. Gets points for 'cheapest', a Pattaya staple, but 'Charlie' is a bit too tame.
 68 60 / 100 52
183
🍸
Hula Bar ℹ️ 🏆 16
Alex
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full 'Hula Hula' but the sound of it suggests a good old fashioned thrusting. Decent.
 204 60 / 100 21
184
🌴
Ladyboylovers ℹ️ 🏆 17
Valen
the Pattaya Turtle says: Again, a bit too obvious, like stating the bleeding obvious. We all know why we're here.
 211 60 / 100 50
185
🐲
lucky bastard ℹ️ 🏆 46
mac_flow
the Pattaya Turtle says: Alright, a decent laugh, but it's not quite got the phonetic punch or the crude body-part gag.
 442 60 / 100 113
186
🌺
Magic Pink ℹ️ 🏆 12
fladek
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Magic Pink' has a nice bit of innuendo, conjures up images of ladyboys and questionable cocktails.
 149 60 / 100 29
187
🍸
Non paradise ℹ️ 🏆 9
Daug
the Pattaya Turtle says: Anti-establishment without being properly filthy, needs more knob gags.
 157 60 / 100 20
188
🌴
Silicon Valley ℹ️ 🏆 47
hammerhiem75
the Pattaya Turtle says: Clever, for the tech crowd, but it's not quite crude enough to hit the big leagues of filth.
 706 60 / 100 167
189
🌴
The steaming shed ℹ️ 🏆 7
Dar
the Pattaya Turtle says: The steaming shed, has a whiff of something a bit grubby, could work.
 25 60 / 100 53
190
🍸
Velvet Bamboo ℹ️ 🏆 10
velvet_steve
the Pattaya Turtle says: Velvet Bamboo, a bit more suggestive, a touch of class to your filth. I'll allow it.
 40 60 / 100 20
191
🔥
Honey with money ℹ️ 🏆 13
Mimi
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Honey with money' is a fair description of many a bar relationship, but not a name for a laugh.
 119 58 / 100 26
192
💎
Mr B’s beer n boogie Bar ℹ️ 🏆 19
Mr B Himself
the Pattaya Turtle says: Mr B's Beer 'n Boogie Bar, a bit generic and try-hard, but at least it rhymes a bit.
 159 58 / 100 81
193
🍸
Sin and Tonic ℹ️ 🏆 35
hammerhiem75
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a clever pun, but it needs a moment to land, doesn't it? Not as instantly crude as I'd like.
 332 58 / 100 120
194
🍸
Aiki bars ℹ️ 🏆 5
Aiki
the Pattaya Turtle says: Aiki, sounds a bit too clever for the average punter, a bit like watching paint dry. Needs more filth.
 – 55 / 100 21
195
🍸
Aiki barss ℹ️ 🏆 9
Aiaki
the Pattaya Turtle says: Same as the last one, mate. Adding an 's' doesn't magically make it funnier or dirtier. Try harder.
 48 55 / 100 21
196
💎
NOOBLAR BAR ℹ️ 🏆 13
LeDahoodieen
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'noob,' which is alright for a chuckle, but not a proper rib-tickler.
 89 55 / 100 27
197
🐯
Paper Tiger ℹ️ 🏆 13
Cobh
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Paper Tiger'. A decent idiom, but it's more clever than crude. A nod, not a guffaw.
 175 55 / 100 52
198
🍸
Rogue Farang ℹ️ 🏆 11
Steven Phantom
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, mate. A bit of a nod and a wink, but not enough to make a proper tit of yourself.
 52 55 / 100 21
199
✨
The Event Horizon ℹ️ 🏆 11
JohnJenkins
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too clever for the average punter, they'll just be wondering where the toilets are.
 84 55 / 100 21
200
🐍
The Frogs ℹ️ 🏆 10
Carlosthesnake
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Frogs, a classic pub name, but not quite funny enough for a proper boozer in Pattaya.
 126 55 / 100 21
201
🐍
The Sunburnt Expat ℹ️ 🏆 5
MelB
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too true for comfort, that. We all know one, don't we, red as a lobster and full of bad decisions.
 – 55 / 100 21
202
🌴
Ladyboys ℹ️ 🏆 10
Valentines
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit on the nose, innit? Not exactly a subtle nod to the local talent.
 60 50 / 100 51
203
🐯
One more ℹ️ 🏆 4
ChiBlll
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent pub-goer's line, makes you want to stay for another. A solid mid-tier, but not hilarious.
 5 50 / 100 26
204
🌺
Secrets ℹ️ 🏆 11
Soobie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Secrets. It's a bit too vague and mysterious. Secrets of what, exactly? Your bad taste?
 199 50 / 100 21
205
✨
Bad Cashiers ℹ️ 🏆 7
bc
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bad Cashiers, slightly amusing, but it's not going to make me wet myself laughing.
 – 48 / 100 53
206
🍸
Drunken Buffalo ℹ️ 🏆 10
buffalo_steve
63 48 / 100 20
207
🌺
Hmariah ℹ️ 🏆 14
mariahstarr
81 48 / 100 20
208
🍺
Lazy Lizard Lounge ℹ️ 🏆 12
grapplewick
156 48 / 100 21
209
🎲
Bar Rouge ℹ️ 🏆 12
seanf
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit posh, 'rouge' sounds like something your nan puts on, not where you'd find a sticky wicket.
 129 45 / 100 21
210
⚡
Buzz Bar ℹ️ 🏆 10
BuzzBar
the Pattaya Turtle says: Buzz bar, might get a buzz on, might not. Bit plain, but could be worse, like Mike's Bar.
 208 45 / 100 21
211
✨
Chaos ℹ️ 🏆 7
Lostcause
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chaos, a bit generic, like a Tuesday night in my living room, not funny enough.
 – 45 / 100 49
212
💎
CRZY BAR ℹ️ 🏆 13
ollyz
the Pattaya Turtle says: CRZY BAR, losing the vowels doesn't make it clever, just looks like a typo, not a riot.
 197 45 / 100 21
213
🍸
Daydream ℹ️ 🏆 15
tom78
the Pattaya Turtle says: Daydreaming of a cold Chang and not having to explain yourself to the missus back home.
 191 45 / 100 21
214
🍻
Eagles Nest ℹ️ 🏆 13
brett23hopkins
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit too much like a golf club, not enough like a place for a dirty pint.
 168 45 / 100 20
215
🌴
Electric Blue ℹ️ 🏆 8
htb
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit dull, that. Unless 'blue' is a reference to a particular medical condition, it's just a colour.
 106 45 / 100 26
216
⚡
Electric Blue 1 ℹ️ 🏆 27
GoGoHopping
586 45 / 100 54
217
⚡
Electric Blue 2 ℹ️ 🏆 11
GoGoHopping.com
33 45 / 100 53
218
⚡
Electric Nights ℹ️ 🏆 13
wolf1611
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Electric Nights'. Too corporate, too polite. Sounds like a disco for accountants on a team-building exercise.
 113 45 / 100 52
219
🍸
feed ℹ️ 🏆 12
feed
the Pattaya Turtle says: Feed, like a particularly uninspired request, could be worse, could be better.
 80 45 / 100 20
220
⚡
Flat Caps 🧢 ℹ️ 🏆 31
FaggyFaze
the Pattaya Turtle says: Flat Caps, sounds like a Wetherspoons on a Tuesday, not exactly an exotic destination.
 562 45 / 100 56
221
🌙
Mambo Panda ℹ️ 🏆 6
mcp_sh
the Pattaya Turtle says: Mambo Panda, sounds a bit like 'mambo pants' and a panda’s a bit chubby, not bad for a giggle.
 95 45 / 100 20
222
💎
Ministry of Nihilistic Drinks ℹ️ 🏆 10
Ricky
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ministry of Nihilistic Drinks' is a bit wordy, a clever-clogs joke. Takes too long for a pissed expat to get it.
 109 45 / 100 20
223
🐲
Poseidon's Palace ℹ️ 🏆 10
Poseidon555
106 45 / 100 24
224
🍸
Sandbox Saloon ℹ️ 🏆 16
claudeqa529
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit generic, sounds like a place for kids to play, not for a grown man to get bladdered.
 129 45 / 100 20
225
🍸
Second Opinion ℹ️ 🏆 10
ReviewerRound2
the Pattaya Turtle says: You'll be needing a second opinion from the clap clinic after a night here, I reckon.
 49 45 / 100 20
226
🌴
Shaggy Days ℹ️ 🏆 31
Phil 'n' Dera
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a snooze, sounds like a hippy commune not a place for a proper piss-up.
 491 45 / 100 86
227
⚡
Sharples & Shenanigans ℹ️ 🏆 13
Shenanigans
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a law firm or a pair of dodgy accountants, not a place for shenanigans.
 193 45 / 100 44
228
🔥
The Back Room Bar ℹ️ 🏆 13
Charlie123
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit suggestive, but it needs a bit more oomph to get a proper belly laugh from a drunk.
 75 45 / 100 20
229
🍸
The Komodo Cocktail ℹ️ 🏆 11
davidd4
the Pattaya Turtle says: Komodo, eh? Might get a nasty bite there, or just a cocktail that tastes like regret and bad choices.
 101 45 / 100 21
230
🍸
The Missing Menu Bar ℹ️ 🏆 13
deewp
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too clever for the average punter, they'll just ask for the menu again, won't they?
 247 45 / 100 33
231
🍻
The Neon Buffalo ℹ️ 🏆 10
Pangloss
the Pattaya Turtle says: A neon buffalo, eh? Sounds a bit try-hard, but buffalo has a certain… girth to it.
 102 45 / 100 21
232
🍺
The sick buffalo ℹ️ 🏆 10
Nate151
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a chuckle, sounds like me after a heavy night on Soi Buakhao, but not truly filthy.
 159 45 / 100 27
233
⚡
The Spontaneous Decision ℹ️ 🏆 17
alex78
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent name, captures the spirit of a drunken Tuesday, but no proper filth.
 146 45 / 100 23
234
👑
The Verge Inn ℹ️ 🏆 7
Stickyfinger
the Pattaya Turtle says: Verge, eh? Just a bit of a cheeky wink, not a full-on laugh, like a flaccid willy in a cold shower.
 19 45 / 100 21
235
🐯
Tiger's blood ℹ️ 🏆 5
moonflower
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit try-hard edgy, like a teenager's first tattoo, but it's not awful.
 – 45 / 100 20
236
🌙
Wong Amat Wanderer ℹ️ 🏆 12
Minstrol
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wong Amat's a bit too posh for a proper laugh, needs more 'Buakhao Bushwhackers' filth.
 96 45 / 100 20
237
✨
Khao San Kickback ℹ️ 🏆 13
test100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kickback' has a hint of dodgy dealings, but it's not exactly splitting guts now, is it?
 218 42 / 100 39
238
🍻
Chip's Chicas ℹ️ 🏆 11
Chip
the Pattaya Turtle says: Generic, sounds like a dodgy takeaway. 'Chicas' is a bit too tame, needs more filth.
 192 40 / 100 27
239
⚡
Flub Cate ℹ️ 🏆 12
Wrecked
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flub Cate'. A bit of a muddle. It sounds like a mistake, which it probably is. No real punch.
 68 40 / 100 52
240
🍸
Lazy Tiger Bar ℹ️ 🏆 9
lazy_tiger_player
the Pattaya Turtle says: A lazy tiger sounds like a knackered bloke who's had one too many Singhas. Decent, but not prime filth.
 52 40 / 100 20
241
🐯
Len Jum Jee ℹ️ 🏆 15
Steveo
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Len Jum Jee' is pure phonetic gold for anyone who's lived here, decent pun, if a bit subtle.
 199 40 / 100 35
242
✨
Playboy ℹ️ 🏆 14
Carzyleg
the Pattaya Turtle says: It's a bit obvious, isn't it? No surprise, no real punch. Seen it all before.
 101 40 / 100 53
243
🔥
Temptation ℹ️ 🏆 19
Love
the Pattaya Turtle says: Temptation, a bit vanilla, isn't it? Needs some actual filth to earn its stripes.
 123 40 / 100 21
244
🐯
Vitals delight ℹ️ 🏆 11
mrpickwitz71
the Pattaya Turtle says: Vitals Delight, a bit too vague, could be a health food shop, not enough filth.
 64 40 / 100 48
245
🐲
A follar ℹ️ 🏆 12
Man1977
97 38 / 100 26
246
🍸
Last Call ℹ️ 🏆 13
FinalReview30
the Pattaya Turtle says: Last Call, is it? Sounds like a funeral parlour for your liver. Bit dull for Pattaya.
 118 38 / 100 20
247
🐯
Mekhong Memories ℹ️ 🏆 10
test101
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Mekhong Memories' , sounds like a dreary pub quiz team, not a place for a laugh.
 128 38 / 100 35
248
🍸
steven is a bad mayor bar ℹ️ 🏆 11
abcd1234
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too specific and whiny, needs to be more universally crude to hit the mark.
 59 38 / 100 37
249
🍸
BlueMoonSpecial ℹ️ 🏆 12
trimei247
the Pattaya Turtle says: BlueMoonSpecial, is it? Bit too polite, isn't it? Needs a good knob gag or a rude rhyme.
 116 35 / 100 21
250
🍸
Bucks & Butterflies ℹ️ 🏆 18
Coopstai
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody garden centre or something. Not much to get excited about, is it?
 225 35 / 100 51
251
🌴
Butterfly ℹ️ 🏆 37
sitanata
the Pattaya Turtle says: Butterfly, a bit too sweet and innocent, needs a crude twist to land the joke properly.
 292 35 / 100 160
252
💎
Crimson Velvet ℹ️ 🏆 16
Nem
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crimson Velvet, trying a bit too hard to be posh, like a cheap brothel with a fancy name.
 253 35 / 100 34
253
🌴
Gold rush ℹ️ 🏆 7
Terro
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too generic, sounds like a casino or a bad cologne, where's the filth, mate?
 – 35 / 100 53
254
🐯
Jacks Mansion ℹ️ 🏆 6
jackc12345
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bit too proper, sounds like a B&B. Unless Jack's a dirty sod, then maybe.
 98 35 / 100 20
255
🎲
JoJo's Bizarre Bar ℹ️ 🏆 16
vindici
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'JoJo's Bizarre Bar' is too much of a try-hard pop culture reference. Too clever for its own good, mate.
 174 35 / 100 21
256
👑
pogo ℹ️ 🏆 7
thatsme
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pogo? As in the stick? Unless it's Pogo My Knob, it's just a bit… dull, innit?
 171 35 / 100 21
257
⚡
Puzzles ℹ️ 🏆 15
Cycrus
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trying to be clever but just sounds like a place for nerds, not a proper piss-up.
 107 35 / 100 51
258
🌴
Real Niggas ℹ️ 🏆 33
niggageneral
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too specific for broad appeal, and not really a joke, is it?
 528 35 / 100 53
259
🍸
Steven Changed the Terms ℹ️ 🏆 24 ⚔️ Fame And Filth
Big
the Pattaya Turtle says: Steven Changed the Terms. Still too much like a local council meeting, not enough filth.
 260 35 / 100 64
260
🎲
The Mysterious Back Street ℹ️ 🏆 11
marcus_brit42
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too vague, mate. What's mysterious, the bar or the rash you'll get after a visit?
 197 35 / 100 21
261
✨
The tempest ℹ️ 🏆 16
Adamtempest
the Pattaya Turtle says: A tempest in a teacup, a bit too high-brow for the average punter, innit.
 113 35 / 100 54
262
🐯
Viking Bar ℹ️ 🏆 8
GeirOve
146 35 / 100 40
263
🐲
Young and fun ℹ️ 🏆 18
Marious
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tries to be playful but just sounds a bit naive and wholesome. Not what we're after in Pattaya.
 179 35 / 100 33
264
⚡
Bandits ℹ️ 🏆 15
Thaisi
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bandits'. Generic, a bit boring. Doesn't make a drunk expat snort with beer up his nose, does it?
 100 32 / 100 52
265
🍸
Crooked Mango ℹ️ 🏆 12
mango_player
the Pattaya Turtle says: A crooked mango, not bad, but it needs a proper rude twist to make it sing.
 165 32 / 100 20
266
🐯
The Shortcut That Wasn't ℹ️ 🏆 14
username1
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Shortcut That Wasn't' is a bit too clever by half, and not crude enough for a proper laugh.
 63 32 / 100 23
267
💎
80s retro games ℹ️ 🏆 12
buzz man
the Pattaya Turtle says: 80s retro games, so you'll be playing Pac-Man while trying to avoid a ladyboy trying to gobble your cherries.
 182 30 / 100 21
268
🔥
Angels Envy ℹ️ 🏆 6
CobaltTiger228
the Pattaya Turtle says: Angels Envy, far too poetic and polite for a bar on Soi LK Metro, needs more arse-end.
 76 30 / 100 21
269
🐯
Big See Extra ℹ️ 🏆 29
BobbyPat49
the Pattaya Turtle says: Generic and a bit limp, needs more oomph, a bit like my last Saturday night.
 281 30 / 100 120
270
⚡
Cheese ℹ️ 🏆 10
LuckyGecko767
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cheese? Unless it's a 'cheesy fanny' bar, it's just a bland dairy product. Not even a good gag.
 116 30 / 100 21
271
🍺
Crocodile Jack's ℹ️ 🏆 11
Blindfreddy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a shite theme park or a discount gator farm. No laughs here, mate.
 128 30 / 100 20
272
🍸
Hawk eye ℹ️ 🏆 17
harry H
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hawk Eye. Sounds like a superhero, not where I'd go for a swift half and a bit of a laugh.
 114 30 / 100 104
273
🌴
No Scum ℹ️ 🏆 12
Droga
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a local council initiative, not a place you'd expect a good time.
 56 30 / 100 53
274
⚡
Red Tie ℹ️ 🏆 41 ⚔️ The Drunken Buffalo
DiscoGolfer
the Pattaya Turtle says: A tie, is it? Just a tie? A bit too formal for a proper piss-up, mate.
 613 30 / 100 71
275
🐯
Renegade ℹ️ 🏆 9
FatboyUK
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Renegade'. Too serious, mate. Sounds like a motorbike club for middle-aged men with something to prove.
 52 30 / 100 52
276
🍺
Self Destructive Behavior ℹ️ 🏆 4
Commotion0147
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Self Destructive Behavior' is too self-indulgent and angsty. Sounds like a teenager's diary, not a bar. Give over.
 – 30 / 100 20
277
🦁
The Friendly Canadian ℹ️ 🏆 11
Treezzz
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Friendly Canadian' , sounds like a nice cup of tea, not a night out in Pattaya.
 221 30 / 100 32
278
🐯
Tiger Cat ℹ️ 🏆 45 ⚔️ Thaiger Thaiger
bwfc1987
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit bland, like a lukewarm pint. Doesn't spark any proper belly laughs or crude thoughts.
 386 30 / 100 67
279
🍻
Tuski ℹ️ 🏆 8
tuski
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tuski, sounds like a cheap brand of vodka or a sad elephant. Not a laugh in sight.
 106 30 / 100 21
280
🔥
Wander Inn ℹ️ 🏆 13
Zipster7504
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Wander Inn' is a bit too quaint and wholesome, mate. Not exactly a laugh riot.
 167 30 / 100 24
281
👑
Agogo de Marcini ℹ️ 🏆 8
Marcini
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Agogo de Marcini' is too much of a mouthful, and the 'Marcini' bit adds nothing.
 91 28 / 100 23
282
🌺
Fuchsi's Dreams ℹ️ 🏆 11
sinetox
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a shop selling potpourri, not a place for a proper piss-up and a poke.
 150 28 / 100 21
283
🍸
Maggie may ℹ️ 🏆 5
Billy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Maggie May, again with Maggie, a bit sentimental, needs more filth to make it work.
 6 28 / 100 20
284
🍺
Neon Universe ℹ️ 🏆 5
sjiosjisjs
the Pattaya Turtle says: Neon Universe, trying a bit too hard to be grand, still just lights and dullness, mate.
 24 28 / 100 20
285
⚡
Pad Thai Parlour ℹ️ 🏆 10
noy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pad Thai? Are we in a restaurant or a bar? Sounds like a place for a quiet meal.
 168 28 / 100 40
286
🌴
Supernova Social ℹ️ 🏆 13
VelvetDragon879
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Supernova Social' sounds like a corporate team-building exercise, not somewhere to get properly wankered.
 122 28 / 100 21
287
🐲
The Forever Holiday ℹ️ 🏆 14
foreverholiday
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Forever Holiday'. Sounds like a package tour for pensioners. Where's the debauchery, eh?
 150 28 / 100 20
288
🍺
The Ships Wheel ℹ️ 🏆 11
JBarber
the Pattaya Turtle says: A ship's wheel, eh? Sounds like something your grandad would have on his mantelpiece, not a bar.
 157 28 / 100 21
289
👑
The Travelers ℹ️ 🏆 22
JD
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Travelers, sounds like a sad group therapy session, not a place for a laugh.
 197 28 / 100 51
290
🍸
B52 ℹ️ 🏆 17
Sam
the Pattaya Turtle says: A number-letter combo, no joke, just an explosion waiting to happen, probably on the toilet.
 292 25 / 100 51
291
🌴
Bamboo Pavilion ℹ️ 🏆 10
bambooOwner
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bamboo Pavilion' sounds like somewhere you'd get a nice cup of tea, not a good ol' root. Pass.
 73 25 / 100 20
292
🍸
BarCeta ℹ️ 🏆 11
DiamondBuffalo975
the Pattaya Turtle says: BarCeta, sounds like a dodgy airline or a place where they'd serve you an off-brand lager.
 139 25 / 100 21
293
🍺
Basil’s ℹ️ 🏆 12
Basil1801
the Pattaya Turtle says: Basil’s, who the hell is Basil? Sounds like a boring accountant's office, not a bar.
 135 25 / 100 20
294
🐯
Bobsbjbar ℹ️ 🏆 13
robert
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like someone had a stroke while typing, but not in a funny way, just a sad one.
 138 25 / 100 35
295
🍸
CLAUDE.MD Give Me 100m Credit ℹ️ 🏆 12
Claude
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'CLAUDE.MD Give Me 100m Credit' is not a bar name, it's a bloody cry for help.
 142 25 / 100 23
296
👑
Fate Paradise ℹ️ 🏆 16
Fateparadise
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fate Paradise'. Two boring words bolted together. Sounds like a self-help retreat, not a bar.
 219 25 / 100 52
297
🌴
Ham Noi ℹ️ 🏆 15
Ham
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like some sweetie pie cafe, not a place for a proper piss-up. No joke here.
 272 25 / 100 32
298
🍸
Hidden Lantern ℹ️ 🏆 11
lantern_steve
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hidden lantern, sounds like a bloody secret garden, not a place to pick up a lady.
 30 25 / 100 20
299
🍻
Joesy's Paradise ℹ️ 🏆 13
JOGR
the Pattaya Turtle says: Paradise, innit. Sounds like somewhere you'd buy a package tour to, not get a package. Dead boring.
 125 25 / 100 21
300
👑
Little Bohemia ℹ️ 🏆 12
GolemCZ
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too quaint and wholesome, sounds like a tea shop for your nan, not a bar.
 74 25 / 100 47
301
⚡
Little Little bar ℹ️ 🏆 7
Little Little bar
the Pattaya Turtle says: Repetitive and dull, absolutely no punchline or filth, next.
 18 25 / 100 53
302
🍸
lucky second ℹ️ 🏆 29
mac_flow
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a discount second-hand shop, not somewhere you'd find a happy ending, or any ending at all.
 162 25 / 100 63
303
🍸
Neon Club ℹ️ 🏆 17
Throseth
the Pattaya Turtle says: Neon Club, well, it's got lights and a club, thrilling. About as exciting as watching paint dry.
 189 25 / 100 21
304
🍸
Pattaya Hugo's ℹ️ 🏆 11
PattayaHugo
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pattaya Hugo's? Is Hugo selling bloody insurance or something? Boring.
 147 25 / 100 32
305
💎
Soi Diamond ℹ️ 🏆 11
Stranger911
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Soi Diamond', sounds like a bloody jewellery shop, not a place to get hammered.
 153 25 / 100 30
306
🔥
Valhalla ℹ️ 🏆 10
Locco
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a Nordic death metal band, not a place for a quiet wank and a pint.
 120 25 / 100 21
307
⚡
Bar Planeta ℹ️ 🏆 19
DM1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bar Planeta, sounds like a travel agency, not a place for a good wank.
 255 22 / 100 54
308
⚡
Beach Road Hideaway ℹ️ 🏆 13
feeder3
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hideaway' is just code for 'a bit boring'. Nothing to see here, move along.
 40 22 / 100 39
309
🍸
Electric paradise ℹ️ 🏆 17
epara211
the Pattaya Turtle says: Electric paradise? Sounds like a dodgy massage parlour from a dream, not a pub. Too corporate.
 122 22 / 100 25
310
🍸
Ginas ℹ️ 🏆 15
geargie999
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a woman's name, isn't it? Where's the filth, the innuendo, the promise of a good time and bad decisions?
 140 22 / 100 28
311
🍸
Heaven's gate ℹ️ 🏆 5
Andreicr86
the Pattaya Turtle says: Heaven's Gate, more like 'Heaven's Gait' after a few too many changs, and just as dull.
 19 22 / 100 20
312
🍸
Maggie mays resort ℹ️ 🏆 10
Jim
the Pattaya Turtle says: Maggie Mays Resort, sounds like a bloody B&B your nan would stay in, not a bar for a proper session.
 104 22 / 100 21
313
🌙
Moss Eisley ℹ️ 🏆 13
Geffe
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a place for Star Wars nerds to argue about canon, not for a proper knees-up.
 176 22 / 100 21
314
🍺
Owls Nest ℹ️ 🏆 19
Nonleague
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Owls Nest' sounds like a B&B in the Cotswolds, not a bar on Soi LK Metro. Absolutely not funny.
 162 22 / 100 67
315
🍸
RichIndieMongers🇮🇳 ℹ️ 🏆 13
Davesomedave
34 22 / 100 49
316
👑
Ricks ℹ️ 🏆 12
ricky1234
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ricks, is it? Sounds like a bloody accountant's office, not a bar. No twist, no fun, just Rick.
 100 22 / 100 21
317
🍸
Round 7 Final ℹ️ 🏆 11
qa_round7_7777
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a boxing match or a bad video game. No knob gags here, sadly.
 87 22 / 100 20
318
🍸
Trinidad ragae ℹ️ 🏆 8
SimonL
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trinidad reggae? Sounds like a holiday brochure, not a place for a proper piss-up.
 38 22 / 100 21
319
🎵
Bell Bar ℹ️ 🏆 37
jeffreybell69
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bell Bar. Is it for ringing bells, or just incredibly boring? I'll go with boring.
 279 20 / 100 109
320
💎
Bill‘s Palace ℹ️ 🏆 15
cangxue999
151 20 / 100 32
321
🍸
Brendos ℹ️ 🏆 15
Brendos
the Pattaya Turtle says: Another fella's name. Brendos? Sounds like a brand of frozen chips, not a bar.
 65 20 / 100 53
322
🐯
Chang Paradise Bench ℹ️ 🏆 22
barbuyer
the Pattaya Turtle says: Paradise is always a red flag, and a bench just sounds like somewhere to kip it off.
 – 20 / 100 40
323
🌴
Enticement Paradise Club ℹ️ 🏆 18
Jake5555
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Enticement Paradise Club' , corporate bollocks. Sounds like a dodgy timeshare presentation.
 343 20 / 100 38
324
🍸
Four Walls & A Beer ℹ️ 🏆 11
Test312
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Four Walls & A Beer'? Is that a bloody prison cell or a student flat? Miserable.
 175 20 / 100 28
325
🏆
Gary's Greatest ℹ️ 🏆 10
DiamondMarlin711
the Pattaya Turtle says: Gary's Greatest, is it? Sounds like a compilation album of his best farts. Not a bar name.
 107 20 / 100 21
326
🍸
gogogoaleialeialei ℹ️ 🏆 12
kianzeey
91 20 / 100 51
327
🍸
Maggie May's ℹ️ 🏆 15
shobzkarsolia69
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like your nan's place, not a place for a good dirty laugh. Boring, innit?
 194 20 / 100 20
328
✨
North LA ℹ️ 🏆 12
nola
the Pattaya Turtle says: North LA? Sounds like a place full of vegans and wankers, not a proper boozer.
 95 20 / 100 20
329
🌴
Paradise ℹ️ 🏆 8
Benny
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Paradise'. Utterly bland. Sounds like a holiday brochure for people who enjoy beige carpets.
 23 20 / 100 52
330
🍸
Serry's ℹ️ 🏆 5
serry1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Serry's, sounds like a bloody laundry service, not a place you’d get a decent pint or a happy ending.
 29 20 / 100 20
331
⚡
Sukhumvit Sunset ℹ️ 🏆 15
feeder2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a brochure for a bloody retirement home. No filth, no fun.
 83 20 / 100 39
332
🎵
The Relaxation Station ℹ️ 🏆 11
test200
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody dentist's waiting room, not a place for a proper piss-up.
 146 20 / 100 34
333
⚡
Ukky paradise ℹ️ 🏆 11
Ukkyukky
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ukky paradise'? Sounds like a children's soft play area, not a bar.
 165 20 / 100 26
334
🐯
Wolfies ℹ️ 🏆 13
Wolfiesmith
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a kids' cartoon character, not somewhere you go for a dirty weekend.
 218 20 / 100 50
335
👑
Yuh ℹ️ 🏆 9
Theoneandonly
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a sound, not a bar name. Might as well call it 'Grumble' or 'Fart Noise'.
 149 20 / 100 21
336
🍸
Bobs bar ℹ️ 🏆 16
Bobsbar
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bob's your uncle, but it's not going to get a laugh, is it? Too vanilla.
 111 18 / 100 54
337
👑
Coconut Grove ℹ️ 🏆 20
Wayne
the Pattaya Turtle says: Coconut Grove? Are we on holiday in bloody Hawaii? Too wholesome by half.
 211 18 / 100 38
338
✨
Decibels ℹ️ 🏆 14
Gazza
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a sound system shop or a boring science lesson, not a boozer.
 28 18 / 100 85
339
🍸
dio ℹ️ 🏆 11
dio
84 18 / 100 20
340
🌴
La Bella Vita ℹ️ 🏆 15
Jarone555
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'La Bella Vita' is too sophisticated, mate. We're not in bloody Milan, are we?
 153 18 / 100 44
341
🍸
Nader ℹ️ 🏆 11
Jnader
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a name, no joke, no filth, no fun. As exciting as a soggy biscuit.
 185 18 / 100 26
342
🍸
Nebula Nights ℹ️ 🏆 11
LuckyPanther667
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bad sci-fi film or a corporate event, utterly devoid of smut.
 156 18 / 100 20
343
🍸
Neon lights bar ℹ️ 🏆 23
Joakim
the Pattaya Turtle says: A description, not a name, mate, lazy as a Soi Buakhao soi dog.
 198 18 / 100 45
344
🍸
Neon Paradise ℹ️ 🏆 14
asd123
the Pattaya Turtle says: Neon Paradise, 'Paradise' again, mate? You're killing the vibe here, utterly generic.
 36 18 / 100 124
345
💎
Sapphire ℹ️ 🏆 10
Freddy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a cheap engagement ring or a dodgy strip club in Bolton, not Pattaya.
 118 18 / 100 20
346
🎵
Team Green ℹ️ 🏆 29
Gogosabatini
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody garden centre, not a place for a proper knees-up. Dire.
 170 18 / 100 21
347
🍸
Thet ℹ️ 🏆 12
Yhetjrjs
the Pattaya Turtle says: Is that a typo, mate? Sounds like a bloke clearing his throat, hardly a riot for the punters.
 26 18 / 100 38
348
🍸
Whispering Lotus ℹ️ 🏆 6
lotus_player
the Pattaya Turtle says: Whispering lotus, sounds like a meditation retreat, not a place to get absolutely bladdered.
 52 18 / 100 20
349
🌴
Zongi ℹ️ 🏆 3
EricM
the Pattaya Turtle says: Utter gibberish mate, sounds like something you'd cough up after a night on the tiles. No joke in it at all.
 – 18 / 100 21
350
🌴
7th HEAVEN XOX ℹ️ 🏆 12
Slipin
the Pattaya Turtle says: Heaven and XOXO, that's two strikes. Generic corporate nonsense, no fun at all.
 200 15 / 100 49
351
✨
Alex ℹ️ 🏆 12
Alex2025
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just some bloke's name, not even a funny one like Mike Hunt or Hugh Janus. Boring.
 122 15 / 100 20
352
🍻
Amber bar ℹ️ 🏆 4
goamber
69 15 / 100 20
353
🍸
ANDY ℹ️ 🏆 14
edandrew
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a bloke's name, isn't it? Unless Andy’s got a particularly funny knob, this is dull.
 102 15 / 100 20
354
👑
Bradleys 2 ℹ️ 🏆 9
xhr
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bradleys 2, is it? Sounds like a discount tyre shop or a budget hotel chain. Where's the filth?
 38 15 / 100 53
355
🌺
Charlie ℹ️ 🏆 10
stgreylv
128 15 / 100 27
356
🐯
Club Felix ℹ️ 🏆 8
BruceV8
the Pattaya Turtle says: Felix? Sounds like a posh cat food, not a place you'd get a raging hard-on after seven pints.
 98 15 / 100 20
357
🍸
ddd ℹ️ 🏆 12
psbest85
the Pattaya Turtle says: What's this, a typo? As funny as a broken condom, but without the mess.
 58 15 / 100 39
358
🍸
Dreams Come True ℹ️ 🏆 8
Johonny2Times
the Pattaya Turtle says: More like a greeting card slogan, not a place you'd expect a happy ending.
 58 15 / 100 45
359
⚡
Euphoria ℹ️ 🏆 23
Robbie1973
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Euphoria' , sounds like a bloody spa or a new age shop. Where's the grit?
 327 15 / 100 52
360
👑
Gecko ℹ️ 🏆 8
stevengay
the Pattaya Turtle says: A lizard, is it? Not exactly going to get a rise out of anyone, is it?
 – 15 / 100 67
361
🍸
Girls ℹ️ 🏆 22
Acidvalue
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Girls'. Again, stating the obvious. Is it a bar or a demographic survey?
 207 15 / 100 48
362
💎
greg ℹ️ 🏆 11
nig
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like your accountant, not somewhere you'd get a happy ending. Dire.
 86 15 / 100 20
363
🐯
GrimDank III - Corpse-starch ℹ️ 🏆 37
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trying too hard, this one. 'Corpse-starch'? Just confused the poor buggers.
 576 15 / 100 98
364
🐍
Indigo ℹ️ 🏆 24
Snakeinjune
the Pattaya Turtle says: Indigo, is it? Sounds like a posh paint colour or a boring hotel lobby. Get a grip, mate.
 125 15 / 100 26
365
🍸
Jackie’s bar ℹ️ 🏆 3
jackie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jackie’s bar? Is Jackie a bloke or a bird? Either way, it’s duller than a nun’s knickers.
 – 15 / 100 20
366
🍺
J bar ℹ️ 🏆 5
dearjb
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a letter, isn't it? Might as well be 'Bar H'.
 – 15 / 100 27
367
🐯
Kåres retard bar ℹ️ 🏆 19
Leif2
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kåres retard bar'. Trying too hard to be edgy, ends up just sounding a bit sad. Not a laugh to be had.
 283 15 / 100 52
368
💎
Ky gell ℹ️ 🏆 10
Ky3
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ky gell'? What the hell is that, a misspelled German dish? Next.
 84 15 / 100 25
369
🎲
Lanzes bar ℹ️ 🏆 36
lanzelote
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Lanzes bar' is another boring name. Just a proper noun, no joke, no imagination. Pathetic.
 262 15 / 100 94
370
🐯
Le furet ℹ️ 🏆 17
ben98
the Pattaya Turtle says: Le furet, which means 'the ferret' in French. Who's gonna laugh at a bloody ferret? Give over.
 144 15 / 100 29
371
🔥
lildev's ℹ️ 🏆 12
lildev
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Lildev's'? Sounds like a dodgy kids' clothing shop or a bad typo. No thanks.
 114 15 / 100 20
372
🦁
Lou's ℹ️ 🏆 12
louis123
the Pattaya Turtle says: Lou's? Sounds like a bloody laundrette or a place to get your bunions trimmed, not a bar.
 118 15 / 100 21
373
🍸
Me go ℹ️ 🏆 7
mego
the Pattaya Turtle says: Me go? What, is it a bloody playground? Sounds like a toddler's first words, not a bar.
 117 15 / 100 21
374
🍸
Minda ℹ️ 🏆 12
minda
the Pattaya Turtle says: Minda. Sounds like a brand of cheap shampoo, not a place you'd get minda-numbing drunk.
 204 15 / 100 21
375
💎
MKS Bar ℹ️ 🏆 13
ElectricLotus440
the Pattaya Turtle says: MKS Bar, what is it, a bleedin' accounting firm? Stick to your spreadsheets, mate.
 143 15 / 100 21
376
🍸
Pepe's Bodega ℹ️ 🏆 14
draftdodger
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pepe's Bodega? Sounds like a place you'd buy a dodgy burrito, not get a proper bar fine.
 135 15 / 100 21
377
🍻
Pudjo's ℹ️ 🏆 10
pudjo
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Pudjo's' is just a name, isn't it? Might as well be 'Dave's'. No joke, no laugh, just… there.
 75 15 / 100 20
378
💎
Sapphire Bar ℹ️ 🏆 31 ⚔️ Camel Toe
Freddy01
the Pattaya Turtle says: Still sounds like a regional jewelers, adding 'Bar' doesn't make it any less shite.
 240 15 / 100 79
379
🌴
Tangerine Bar ℹ️ 🏆 11
mponkin
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody fruit stand, not a place for a proper piss-up, does it?
 134 15 / 100 20
380
🍸
Test Edge ℹ️ 🏆 10
x
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody software company or a terrible band. Where's the filth, mate?
 36 15 / 100 20
381
🌴
The Alluring Residence ℹ️ 🏆 7
eriktheboss
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody hotel suite or a dodgy estate agent, far too posh.
 19 15 / 100 53
382
🌙
Tinys ℹ️ 🏆 4
Bingo
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tinys, bit like my last erection, utterly forgettable.
 – 15 / 100 21
383
🔥
UwU ℹ️ 🏆 8
ggez
the Pattaya Turtle says: What's this, a bar for toddlers or a bloody cat cafe? Get that nonsense out of here.
 89 15 / 100 20
384
👑
Bar of Smiles ℹ️ 🏆 11
ArcaneJynx
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bar of Smiles'? Sounds like a dentist's waiting room, not a place for a proper piss-up.
 137 12 / 100 24
385
⚡
8B ℹ️ 🏆 13
hasadam@hotmail.com
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a letter and a number. Might as well call it 'Toast Rack 3'. Utter shite.
 111 10 / 100 53
386
⚡
Avada Kedava ℹ️ 🏆 12
Tomriddle
8 10 / 100 52
387
🔥
Exotic Club and bar ℹ️ 🏆 4
Stefan
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a description, isn't it? As dull as watching paint dry. Zero effort, zero laughs.
 – 10 / 100 26
388
🌴
Fc Pattaya ℹ️ 🏆 11
Fcpattaya
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fc Pattaya'? Is this a football club or a place to get a beer? Get out of it.
 122 10 / 100 24
389
🐯
firefox ℹ️ 🏆 8
firefox
the Pattaya Turtle says: You having a laugh? That's a web browser, not a bar. Get some new material, mate.
 34 10 / 100 36
390
👑
fos ℹ️ 🏆 16
fos
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just three letters, looks like a typo, not a bar where you'd have a proper laugh.
 108 10 / 100 49
391
🍸
Freerepublic2 ℹ️ 🏆 12
freerepublic2
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the actual wank is this? Sounds like a dodgy website, not a place for a proper piss-up.
 60 10 / 100 47
392
🐯
GrimDank II - Haemonculi ℹ️ 🏆 40
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the flying f- is this? Sounds like a typo, not a place for a pint.
 525 10 / 100 109
393
🦁
GrimDank IV - Penitent Engine ℹ️ 🏆 23
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too much sci-fi bollocks, mate. No one wants to hear about your Warhammer fantasies after a few Changs.
 474 10 / 100 76
394
🦁
GrimDank VII - House Escher ℹ️ 🏆 20
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Honestly, mate, give it a rest. No one's coming to Pattaya for a game of bloody Dungeons and Dragons.
 115 10 / 100 76
395
🦁
GrimDank VI - Omophagea ℹ️ 🏆 21
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, for Christ's sake, still with the grim dark. No one cares about your made-up words, pal.
 160 10 / 100 76
396
🐯
GrimDank V - Rubric of Ahriman ℹ️ 🏆 23
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Still with the Warhammer, are we? Leave your nerdy wank for your bedroom, not a bar name.
 258 10 / 100 76
397
🌴
G’s ℹ️ 🏆 12
John
the Pattaya Turtle says: G's? Might as well call it 'Meh'. Zero effort, zero laughs.
 175 10 / 100 25
398
🍸
Hitler's Bunker ℹ️ 🏆 13
heilhitler
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hitler's Bunker? Come on, mate, there's 'edgy' and then there's just plain offensive and not funny.
 115 10 / 100 20
399
🎵
JAFB ℹ️ 🏆 13
BambooCobra797
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'JAFB' is just a load of letters, no joke, no fun, probably stands for 'Just Another F***ing Bar'.
 130 10 / 100 43
400
🌙
Moonflower ℹ️ 🏆 10
1Moonflower1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Moonflower, sounds like a tea shop, not a bar where you'd see a floppy knob.
 54 10 / 100 20
401
👑
RAK KOON BAR ℹ️ 🏆 11
Ting Tong T
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'RAK KOON BAR'? Sounds like a bloody exotic pet shop, not a bar.
 146 10 / 100 32
402
🌴
Ray bar ℹ️ 🏆 29
Raybar
the Pattaya Turtle says: Someone's name without a joke, dull as dishwater, mate.
 179 10 / 100 81
403
🌺
Sadleys ℹ️ 🏆 10
ferriswheel
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Sadleys' is just a surname, like a solicitor's office. Completely devoid of humour or charm. Dreadful.
 119 10 / 100 21
404
🌴
Southern Star ℹ️ 🏆 12
Niffy61
the Pattaya Turtle says: Forgettable, sounds like a brand of dodgy lager, not a bar name, rubbish.
 35 10 / 100 53
405
🍸
StepbyStep ℹ️ 🏆 17
hikari01
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an instruction manual, utterly devoid of any actual fun.
 275 10 / 100 45
406
🍸
wurrr ℹ️ 🏆 14
wurrr
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wurrr? Is that the sound of a bloke trying to remember his bar fine? Pathetic, innit.
 128 10 / 100 21
407
🍸
Zzz ℹ️ 🏆 14
zzzuser
the Pattaya Turtle says: Zzz, is it a bar or a narcoleptic's diary entry, absolutely bloody terrible.
 149 10 / 100 20
408
🐯
Bar ℹ️ 🏆 10
Username
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bar'. Well, it is one, isn't it? Inspiring stuff. Next!
 154 8 / 100 23
409
🍸
Bradleys Jomtien ℹ️ 🏆 18
Entrox
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bradleys Jomtien, sounds like someone's boring mate opened a bar, zero imagination.
 41 8 / 100 80
410
🦁
Escevar selanco ℹ️ 🏆 12
Sami_abe07
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a Spanish holiday resort for old fannies, absolutely no laughs here.
 68 8 / 100 20
411
⚡
Feeder1 ℹ️ 🏆 13
Feeding1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a random word and a number. No joke, no fun. Straight to the bin.
 181 8 / 100 39
412
🍸
Nexci ℹ️ 🏆 10
Nexci
the Pattaya Turtle says: Nexci. Is that a brand of dog food? Utterly meaningless rubbish.
 231 8 / 100 21
413
🐯
SamsungCokeGarfieldBar ℹ️ 🏆 15
Leif
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the name of all that is unholy is this? Sounds like a toddler's first internet search.
 68 8 / 100 53
414
🌴
asd ℹ️ 🏆 12
barbuyer
– 5 / 100 41
415
💎
Hopes and Dreams ℹ️ 🏆 4
Skin_Glyder
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody self-help group, not a bar. Far too wholesome for a laugh.
 – 5 / 100 26
416
🍸
Idk bar ℹ️ 🏆 11
pppp
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Idk bar', 'I don't know' is what I'd say if you asked me if I wanted to go to this dump.
 72 5 / 100 20
417
🌴
Life in Paradise ℹ️ 🏆 11
CrimsonBuffalo611
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Life in Paradise' is saccharine shite, sounds like a travel brochure, not a place for a proper piss-up.
 96 5 / 100 21
418
🌴
MrWho ℹ️ 🏆 14
finn208
the Pattaya Turtle says: MrWho, utterly meaningless, mate, sounds like a question, not a bar.
 50 5 / 100 53
419
🌺
Rain ℹ️ 🏆 17 ⚔️ Higher and Rollier
Test
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Rain'? What, am I supposed to cry into my beer? Absolutely shite.
 198 5 / 100 53
420
🍸
Test2 ℹ️ 🏆 10
Glitch
8 5 / 100 52
421
🍸
Thfjfhfhd ℹ️ 🏆 10
Toothless Wonder
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the name of a drunken keyboard smash is this? Pure gibberish, utterly shite.
 91 5 / 100 21
422
👑
yes ℹ️ 🏆 13
yes
the Pattaya Turtle says: Yes, the most boring bar name imaginable, no effort, no joke, just a yes.
 59 5 / 100 48
423
🍸
Test ℹ️ 🏆 7
Someguy
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Test'? Is this a bar or an exam, mate? Absolutely no effort, just like my morning piss.
 5 4 / 100 20
424
🍸
dasd ℹ️ 🏆 3
sadsaad
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the actual arse is this? It's not a bar, it's a keyboard spasm after too many Changs.
 22 0 / 100 21
425
🍸
Nigger ℹ️ 🏆 10
nigger
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely not. Unacceptable on every level, no humour, just offensive.
 95 0 / 100 20
🔔 Most bell rings this week
#1 Fruit Fizz 🔔 6
#2 Folterkeller 🔔 6
#3 35 Virtual Ladydrinks Livestream Bar 🔔 6
#4 100% Laos Girlz 🔔 6
#5 Goblin's Revenge VI 🔔 5