Leaderboard

⚔️ League 📊 Leaderboard 🏆 Season 🎖 Honours 🏅 Achievements
🏆 Season Yesterday This week Revenue Earnings Avg / day 🏅 Achievements 💃 Team Value 🏘️ Groups 😂 Funniest
Premier Championship League One League Two National Sunday Closed
362 / 619 bars
🔍
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Funny Score · 362 bars
1
🐯
Biggus DickusLG 2 🔍
100 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The absolute pinnacle, the Python tax is in full effect, a majestic Roman willy joke.
2
🍸
Loose Sphincters 69SUN 🔍
100 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely filthy, explicit, and the '69' just seals the deal. Top tier, this.
3
🐯
Piss Flap BarSUN 🔍
100 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Utterly, spectacularly filthy, a perfect crude body-part name, the absolute pinnacle of bar names.
4
👑
MasterBaiterNATL 🔍
99 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic of the genre, crude, clever, and absolutely guaranteed to get a guffaw.
5
🐯
GOBALLS DEEPNATL 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Expletive, direct, and gloriously inappropriate, hits the spot like a cheap beer.
6
🔥
Hooker cream pussy barLG 1 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Blunt as a butter knife, crude as a tramp's arse, absolutely perfect for a laugh and a wank.
7
✨
Loose Sphincters R Us 1NATL 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Loose Sphincters R Us 1, pure gold, mate, that's got Frankie Boyle written all over it.
8
🐯
Pussy GaloreNATL 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Filthy, classic, and rolls off the tongue like a drunken confession. Top-tier, that.
9
🍺
Pussy LipsLG 2 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pure filth and phonetic gold. 'Pussy Lips' is exactly the kind of crude, in-your-face name that wins big.
10
🎵
Sillius SoddusNATL 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sillius Soddus, the Monty Python tax is paid in full, pure gold, I'm already laughing like a drain.
11
👑
The Shaved BeaverNATL 🔍
98 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Filthy, suggestive, and guaranteed to make any bloke grin like a Cheshire cat. Top tier filth.
12
✨
Winkey Wankey WooPREM 🔍
98 / 100
Best day: 695 drinks
13
👑
Cockmongler TavernPREM 🔍
96 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cockmongler Tavern, that's just beautiful. A proper, unadulterated bit of British filth.
14
🔥
Baldy PussyLG 1 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Baldy Pussy', beautiful, a classic, makes you think of a well-worn landing strip. Top marks.
15
🐯
Ballbag WilliesNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: That's the stuff, crude, rude, and exactly what a drunk expat would find hilarious.
16
🎲
Balloon KnotLG 2 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom! Straight into the high tier. A 'balloon knot' is as crude and funny as it gets for a drunk expat.
17
🍸
Bum FunPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, crude, and perfectly encapsulates the spirit of a good night out in Pattaya.
18
✨
Chocolate Star FishPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic, straight to the point, and guaranteed to make a drunk expat snort beer out their nose.
19
🐯
Cock and DandyNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Cock and Dandy'. Oh, that's a proper British pub name. Sounds like an old boy who’s a bit too fond of himself.
20
👑
Palace a Blow-BlowPREM 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pure phonetic filth, sounds like a proper good time, if you catch my drift. Excellent.
21
🎲
Ray’s Boom Boom RoomNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ray's Boom Boom Room. Phonetic gold, crude, and promises exactly what a drunk wants. Top marks.
22
🍻
Sloppy BJsNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, no faffing about. A classic bar name for a classic pastime, innit?
23
🍸
Test test testisiNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Test test testisi, pure phonetic gold, a Latin-sounding bollock bonanza. Brilliant.
24
🐯
The Pink PusyNATL 🔍
95 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brilliantly simple, crude and direct, no misinterpretation there, straight to the top.
25
🌴
Wandering WilliesSUN 🔍
95 / 100
26
🔥
The Chunky MunkeyNATL 🔍
94 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Chunky Munkey' is fantastic, mate. Rhymes, rude, and exactly what you'd call a fat old geezer dancing on the bar.…
27
⚡
Free the williesSUN 🔍
93 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Free the Willies, a brilliant play on words, combining liberation with a willy joke. Superb.
28
🍻
Chang and DoneLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chang and Done, sounds like a proper filthy romp, like Biggus Dickus after a session, pure gold, mate.
29
🐍
Cum cityLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, love a good cum joke, and 'city' makes it sound like a proper destination.
30
👑
FAT FANNIESSUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Beautiful, a classic. You can practically hear the guffaws from Soi Buakhao.
31
🍸
Fishy FingersNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fishy Fingers, eh? Sounds like a good night out down a Bangkok back alley, love it.
32
🐲
fuck townLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, no faffing about, you know what you're getting, like a good bar fine.
33
🎲
Jackson's HoleLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
Best day: 239 drinks
34
🍸
Jub Jub BarSUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jub Jub sounds like an old fella with a prolapsed anus trying to clear his throat, pure gold.
35
🔥
Just cum inNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, direct, and exactly what a pissed bloke would snort at. Top shelf filth.
36
🍸
Korn Fix VerificationSUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bloody brilliant, sounds like what you'd get after a dodgy curry and too much Chang.
37
✨
Loose Sphincters 2SUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Loose Sphincters 2'. Still got it. A sequel that delivers, unlike most Hollywood shite these days.
38
✨
Loose Sphincters 3SUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Loose Sphincters 3'. The trilogy is complete, and still a winner. Like a good curry, it keeps giving.
39
✨
Loose Sphincters 4NATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Loose Sphincters 4'. Still a corker. The numbering just makes it funnier, like a never-ending saga of indignity.
40
⚡
Loose Sphincters 5SUN 🔍
92 / 100
Best day: 35 drinks
41
🍸
Perfect PeachesLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Perfect Peaches, now that sounds like a good time, especially if they're serving them up fresh off the tree, know what…
42
✨
Pussy ClubNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, crude, and utterly brilliant. No faffing about, just straight to the good stuff.
43
🌺
sexy shitNATL 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, simple, and exactly what a drunk wants to shout, perfect for a good old Pattaya piss-up.
44
🌴
Stagger InnLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like 'Stag Her In', perfect for getting a randy bloke through the door, simple and filthy.
45
💎
The Mermaid's AssLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, direct, and paints a lovely mental image for a pissed expat, top tier filth.
46
🍸
The wizards sleeveLG 2 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The wizards sleeve' is top-tier filth, an absolute classic bit of slang. Pure, unadulterated smut.
47
🍸
Whale Cum InnSUN 🔍
92 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for a name that sounds like a seaman's delight, proper phonetic gold for a filthy mind.
48
🍸
Boom Boom BunkerNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom Boom Bunker, absolutely spot on. Pattaya specific filth, pure gold for a drunk expat.
49
🍸
Dirty BertyLG 2 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, Dirty Berty, sounds like a proper filthy madam or a bloke who needs a good scrub. Rhymes too, top marks.
50
🍻
Ditto's HoleNATL 🔍
90 / 100
Best day: 110 drinks
51
🐯
GILF ParadiseNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: GILF Paradise, straight to the point and gloriously filthy. No room for misunderstanding there.
52
⚡
High Mileage HoNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'High Mileage Ho' is straight to the point, crude, and perfectly suited for the clientele.
53
⚡
KnullaLagomNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: KnullaLagom, sounds like 'knob and lag em', perfect for a drunken session on Soi Buakhao.
54
🔥
LickablesLG 1 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Lickables. Direct, crude, and gets straight to the point. Perfect for a bit of naughty fun.
55
✨
Loose Sphincters 1CHAMP 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, that's a good one. Hits the spot, makes you wince and laugh all at once. Top marks.
56
🍸
Sloppy HeadNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sloppy Head, a classic, crude, and instantly understood. A proper pub name.
57
💎
The PussyLG 2 🔍
90 / 100
Best day: 89 drinks
58
🐍
The Turgid TodgerLG 1 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Turgid Todger', now that's a proper British dick joke, straight to the point and gloriously vulgar.
59
✨
WhoreMeOutNATL 🔍
90 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, no messing about, a name that perfectly sums up a night on Soi LK Metro.
60
🐯
Koh Chang Fat BirdsPREM 🔍
89 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Koh Chang Fat Birds, combines a location with an image that will make any drunk laugh.
61
👑
Backdoor BeautiesPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude and direct, just the way we like it. Gets straight to the point, this one.
62
⚡
Blue BallsSUN 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic, simple, and every bloke knows that feeling. A solid, reliable gag.
63
🍸
Boom boomLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom Boom! Short, sharp, and straight to the point, just like a quickie down Soi Buakhao.
64
🍻
Chai me dai pomNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, mate, 'Chai me dai pom' sounds like 'Try my big pom' to a pissed expat.
65
🍻
Chickens barSUN 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brings to mind a cock, then a chicken, then a ladyboy, the whole bloody menagerie. Top marks for a simple name.
66
✨
Fat Toms sausage factoryLG 1 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fat Tom's Sausage Factory, that's just pure phonetic gold, a proper grubby delight.
67
👑
FluffersSUN 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of industry slang, crude, direct, and gets a proper snort laugh.
68
🌴
Funky DonkeyLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Funky Donkey' is pure phonetic comedy gold, rhymes perfectly and sounds like a dirty dance move.
69
⚡
Hansum ManLG 1 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hansum Man' is pure Pattaya filth, mate. Sounds like a desperate punter on Soi Buakhao, gets a right laugh.
70
🌴
MM Chunky PumpersLG 1 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fantastic, a made-up compound word that screams filth and gets a proper chuckle.
71
🍺
Nips&slipsNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an old dear's got her knickers in a twist, but it's proper filthy for us lot.
72
🍺
OldUglyFatFucksLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Honest, direct, and probably describes half the clientele. Gets a good chuckle from the self-aware.
73
✨
Pink Pony BarNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a nasty infection you'd pick up after a particularly enthusiastic night on Soi Buakhao, perfect.
74
🌺
PinkiesLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pinkies, short for pink bits, I reckon. Any drunk expat would snort his Chang through his nose at this one.
75
🍸
PloughedPREM 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ploughed, perfect for a bar on Soi Buakhao, everyone’s getting ploughed there anyway.
76
🍸
Pussycat loungeLG 1 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for 'Pussycat', a classic bit of suggestive filth, but 'lounge' drags it down like a cheap anchor.
77
🌙
Silo SilkSUN 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Silo Silk, eh? Sounds a bit like 'thigh low, suck', and that's pure gold for a pissed expat.
78
✨
SoiHokSoiSokhapok BarNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Sokhapok' sounds like 'suck a cock', pure phonetic gold for a pished punter. Top bollocks.
79
🍺
Still LoadedNATL 🔍
88 / 100
Best day: 38 drinks
80
⚡
The 3rd holeLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The 3rd Hole, beautiful. A classic golf double entendre, always gets a snigger from the blokes.
81
👑
The Flaming BasilSUN 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an arsehole on fire after a dodgy curry, perfect for a good laugh.
82
🍺
The Rusty AtticLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a dodgy gynaecological exam, pure gold for a pissed expat.
83
🔥
Town BicycleLG 2 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ha, a good one for the missus, or the local easy tart. Gets a proper guffaw from the punters.
84
🌙
Turuk BarNATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Turuk Bar, pure phonetic gold, sounds like a drunken mate trying to say 'turd hook' after twelve pints.
85
🍸
小白就把NATL 🔍
88 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like 'Shao Bai Jiu Ba', a proper phonetic goldmine for a sloshed Farang trying to order a pint.
86
🍸
dickSUN 🔍
87 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Short, to the point, and undeniably vulgar. A proper no-nonsense name for a proper no-nonsense bar.
87
🌴
Jolly Jungle Juice Jelly JarLG 2 🔍
87 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jolly Jungle Juice Jelly Jar, all that alliteration and a hint of dodgy liquid, brilliant.
88
🌴
whores galoreNATL 🔍
87 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Whores Galore, does what it says on the tin, no beating around the bush with that one.
89
👑
BoomBoom ClubLG 1 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pattaya context, simple, and everyone knows what 'boom boom' means. Gets the job done.
90
🍸
Just VirginsNATL 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Just Virgins' is brilliantly dark and ironic, exactly the kind of twisted joke that lands with a thump here.
91
🐯
Private DickPREM 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic double entendre, the old 'private dick' always gets a snigger from the blokes.
92
🌴
SchlongsLG 2 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Schlongs' , simple, direct, and straight to the point. Every expat will get it.
93
🐍
Two Inch BarLG 2 🔍
85 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, effective, and straight to the point about what you're likely to find in Pattaya. Always a winner.
94
💎
Bareback BarNATL 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bareback, eh? Sounds like a trip to the doctor is on the cards, but we'll laugh first.
95
✨
goon paradiceNATL 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Goon Paradice, a double-whammy of cheap wine and cheeky wordplay. Lovely stuff.
96
⚡
Happy SpankerPREM 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Happy Spanker, straight to the point with the filth, gets a good chuckle.
97
🌴
Pattaya Bush CompanyNATL 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Pattaya Bush Company' , 'Bush' always gets a snigger, especially paired with 'Company'. Top notch.
98
🍸
Sticky BambooNATL 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sticky Bamboo, conjures up all sorts of unsavoury images. Filthy, just what we like.
99
💎
Thai Me Up LoungeNATL 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of Pattaya filth, simple, effective, and straight to the point.
100
🍺
The Pink BoxLG 2 🔍
82 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Pink Box' is a solid, crude euphemism. Simple, effective, and gets the message across without a wink.
101
⚡
Brown ⭐LG 2 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brown ⭐, simple, suggestive, and leaves just enough to the imagination, top marks.
102
🌙
Chang Chang Bang BangLG 1 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Chang Chang Bang Bang', that's got a lovely rhythm, a proper phonetic earworm for a drunkard.
103
👑
King of Boobs BarLG 2 🔍
80 / 100
Best day: 371 drinks
104
🌴
NightFartLG 1 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'NightFart'. Simple, stupid, and makes me chuckle. Imagine trying to explain that to your missus.
105
✨
NipslipSUN 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a chuckle, a nice double entendre for those who appreciate the subtle art of the flash.
106
🍸
stevengaybarSUN 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Stevengaybar, direct and to the point, no subtlety, just pure honest filth. Good.
107
🐍
Sticky Rice ParlourLG 2 🔍
80 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Suggestive and a local favourite, 'sticky rice' conjures up all sorts of glorious, messy images.
108
🦁
Beefys BarLG 2 🔍
78 / 100
Best day: 172 drinks
109
👑
Down under barLG 2 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Down Under Bar. Plenty of potential for dirty jokes about hairy bits, solid crude fun.
110
👑
Flaming GoGoLG 1 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flaming GoGo', sounds like a nasty case of the clap after a good night, top marks for the imagery.
111
👑
Hungry Hippo’sPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hungry Hippo’s'. Bit of a classic cartoon gag, but the 'hippo's' adds a nice touch of desperation. Decent.
112
✨
No FattiesLG 2 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A good, honest policy statement, you know exactly what you're getting, or rather, not getting.
113
🐯
No Indians BarPREM 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: No Indians Bar, direct, offensive, and exactly what a drunk expat would laugh at. Points for honesty.
114
⚡
PoundsandLG 2 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Poundsand' , sounds just like 'pounds and' but also 'puss and', like a cat's arse or something. Filthy.
115
⚡
Power Cut PavilionNATL 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Power Cut Pavilion, a proper Pattaya problem and a nice alliteration, you cheeky bastard.
116
⚡
SwallowNATL 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Excellent, a perfect double-meaning that any expat will immediately get, top tier.
117
🔥
The Velvet BananaLG 2 🔍
78 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The 'Velvet Banana' is a decent bit of innuendo, makes you wonder what's soft and yellow inside.
118
🌺
BoobiesSUN 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent effort, 'Boobies' is always good for a chuckle, but it lacks a second dirty word for true greatness.
119
🌴
Coconut OfficeLG 2 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bit of a laugh, 'coconut' sounds a bit daft and 'office' implies some dodgy dealings. Good for a snigger.
120
🌺
Doxy DreamsLG 2 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Doxy, meaning tart or prostitute, dreaming of a nice fat wallet. Spot on for Soi Buakhao.
121
🍸
Engagement Test BarNATL 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Engagement Test Bar. You know exactly what kind of 'test' they're running in there. Cheeky.
122
🌴
Fuck you @petOr barSUN 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit shouty for my taste, but the sentiment is spot on, who doesn't love a good 'fuck you'?
123
🌴
Knee DeepNATL 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Good, solid innuendo, and it's got a nice ring to it. Gets a nod of approval.
124
🍸
sexNATL 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Short, sweet, and to the point, like a drunken fumble in the back of a baht bus.
125
⚡
Short Time BarNATL 🔍
75 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Short Time Bar' , classic Pattaya slang, straight to the point and gets a nod of recognition.
126
🌴
Pleasure DomeNATL 🔍
72 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, sounds like a place where proper shenanigans happen, a bit of a classic. Could be filthier.
127
⚡
The Dirty OneLG 2 🔍
72 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Dirty One, a bit vague, but it sets an expectation, like a suspicious stain.
128
🍸
The Tipsy GeckoNATL 🔍
72 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tipsy Gecko sounds like a right little wanker, probably sticky too, so a decent enough name.
129
🐯
DicksSUN 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct and unambiguous, but could do with a little more flair or a clever twist.
130
🐯
DikSUN 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Nearly there, but it's missing the extra layer of filth or a rhyming partner to make it shine.
131
🌺
Flip Flop FiestaLG 2 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flip Flop Fiesta', a good phonetic rhyme, makes you think of drunken antics and lost footwear.
132
🍻
Holes and goalsLG 2 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Alright, 'Holes and Goals' has a bit of an innuendo, makes you think of some dodgy sports. It's passable.
133
⚡
iPhone McPhonefaceLG 1 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: iPhone McPhoneface, a bit of a meme, but it's got a silly, modern daftness to it.
134
⚡
Spinner CentralLG 2 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent bit of innuendo, conjures up images of dizzying fun, probably followed by a headache.
135
⚡
The petting zooNATL 🔍
70 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Petting Zoo' , a solid innuendo, conjures up a few dirty images for sure.
136
⚡
ChickentikkaSUN 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Chickentikka'. Sounds like a decent curry, but as a bar name it's a bit out of place. Still, makes me hungry.
137
🍸
Haha barSUN 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full laugh, but a good chuckle, like a rusty zipper on a dodgy tracksuit.
138
🍸
Sleepy Crab BarSUN 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Got that 'crab' reference in there, nice one. Subtle enough to get a giggle without being too obvious.
139
🍺
The Crow's NestLG 2 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'crow's breast', which is a laugh, but not quite the full monty.
140
🍺
The Tipsy TurtleNATL 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full turtle, more like a half-chub, but the alliteration gives it a bit of a bounce.
141
🌙
Tung Tung SahurLG 2 🔍
68 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'tongue tongue' and 'sausage', a bit of a stretch but a chuckle for the truly sloshed.
142
🐯
Cub KittenLG 1 🔍
67 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, got a bit of 'cub' and 'kitten' for the punters who like 'em young, but no proper filth.
143
🐲
69 BarNATL 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sixty-nine, eh? Bit obvious, like a magician showing you the rabbit before he's even pulled it out.
144
💎
Angel DustLG 2 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not bad, sounds like a proper messy night out, a bit trippy, but not quite crude enough for top marks.
145
✨
BangersLG 2 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent innuendo, evokes images of a good British sausage, but could be cruder.
146
🔥
Crazy man barSUN 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crazy Man Bar, simple, direct, and probably accurate for half the punters on Soi Buakhao.
147
🐯
GrimDank I - DaemonculabaPREM 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too long, too niche, but 'Daemonculaba' sounds a bit like something a dodgy doctor would offer.
148
🎵
Pineapple CoveNATL 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'taint' if you've had enough Singha, but not quite crude enough for top marks.
149
🐍
Poison Play BarLG 1 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Poison Play' sounds a bit like a game of Russian roulette with your dangly bits, but it ain't got that proper phonetic…
150
🍸
The Bronze BritonLG 2 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like a cheap tan, but not quite crude enough for a proper snort-laugh.
151
⚡
The shipfaced sailorSUN 🔍
65 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The shipfaced sailor'. Good mental image, but it's a bit long and doesn't quite hit the crude spot. Needs more arse.
152
🔥
Rabbit RunLG 2 🔍
62 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a giggle, makes you think of a quick dash, but not quite crude enough for a top score.
153
🍸
Raymond RevuebarPREM 🔍
62 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a nod to the old London peep shows, a clever sort of smut for the connoisseur.
154
🍸
Bust UpCHAMP 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Could mean a fight or a good time, ambiguous but with a hint of proper chaos.
155
⚡
Cheapest CharlieSUN 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Cheapest Charlie'. Gets points for 'cheapest', a Pattaya staple, but 'Charlie' is a bit too tame.
156
🍸
Hula BarLG 2 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full 'Hula Hula' but the sound of it suggests a good old fashioned thrusting. Decent.
157
🌴
LadyboyloversLG 2 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Again, a bit too obvious, like stating the bleeding obvious. We all know why we're here.
158
🌺
Magic PinkLG 2 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Magic Pink' has a nice bit of innuendo, conjures up images of ladyboys and questionable cocktails.
159
🌴
The steaming shedSUN 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The steaming shed, has a whiff of something a bit grubby, could work.
160
🍸
Velvet BambooSUN 🔍
60 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Velvet Bamboo, a bit more suggestive, a touch of class to your filth. I'll allow it.
161
🔥
Honey with moneyLG 1 🔍
58 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Honey with money' is a fair description of many a bar relationship, but not a name for a laugh.
162
💎
Mr B’s beer n boogie BarLG 2 🔍
58 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Mr B's Beer 'n Boogie Bar, a bit generic and try-hard, but at least it rhymes a bit.
163
🍸
Aiki barsSUN 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Aiki, sounds a bit too clever for the average punter, a bit like watching paint dry. Needs more filth.
164
🍸
Aiki barssSUN 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Same as the last one, mate. Adding an 's' doesn't magically make it funnier or dirtier. Try harder.
165
💎
NOOBLAR BARLG 1 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'noob,' which is alright for a chuckle, but not a proper rib-tickler.
166
🐯
Paper TigerNATL 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Paper Tiger'. A decent idiom, but it's more clever than crude. A nod, not a guffaw.
167
🍸
Rogue FarangNATL 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, mate. A bit of a nod and a wink, but not enough to make a proper tit of yourself.
168
✨
The Event HorizonNATL 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too clever for the average punter, they'll just be wondering where the toilets are.
169
🐍
The FrogsNATL 🔍
55 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Frogs, a classic pub name, but not quite funny enough for a proper boozer in Pattaya.
170
🌴
LadyboysNATL 🔍
50 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit on the nose, innit? Not exactly a subtle nod to the local talent.
171
🐯
One moreSUN 🔍
50 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent pub-goer's line, makes you want to stay for another. A solid mid-tier, but not hilarious.
172
🌺
SecretsLG 2 🔍
50 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Secrets. It's a bit too vague and mysterious. Secrets of what, exactly? Your bad taste?
173
✨
Bad CashiersSUN 🔍
48 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bad Cashiers, slightly amusing, but it's not going to make me wet myself laughing.
174
🍸
Drunken BuffaloNATL 🔍
48 / 100
Best day: 63 drinks
175
🌺
HmariahLG 2 🔍
48 / 100
Best day: 81 drinks
176
🍺
Lazy Lizard LoungeLG 1 🔍
48 / 100
Best day: 156 drinks
177
🎲
Bar RougeNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit posh, 'rouge' sounds like something your nan puts on, not where you'd find a sticky wicket.
178
✨
ChaosSUN 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chaos, a bit generic, like a Tuesday night in my living room, not funny enough.
179
🌴
Electric BlueNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit dull, that. Unless 'blue' is a reference to a particular medical condition, it's just a colour.
180
⚡
Electric Blue 1CHAMP 🔍
45 / 100
Best day: 586 drinks
181
⚡
Electric Blue 2SUN 🔍
45 / 100
Best day: 33 drinks
182
⚡
Electric NightsNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Electric Nights'. Too corporate, too polite. Sounds like a disco for accountants on a team-building exercise.
183
🍸
feedNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Feed, like a particularly uninspired request, could be worse, could be better.
184
⚡
Flat Caps 🧢PREM 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Flat Caps, sounds like a Wetherspoons on a Tuesday, not exactly an exotic destination.
185
💎
Ministry of Nihilistic DrinksLG 2 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ministry of Nihilistic Drinks' is a bit wordy, a clever-clogs joke. Takes too long for a pissed expat to get it.
186
🐲
Poseidon's PalaceNATL 🔍
45 / 100
Best day: 106 drinks
187
🍸
Sandbox SaloonNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit generic, sounds like a place for kids to play, not for a grown man to get bladdered.
188
🍸
Second OpinionNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: You'll be needing a second opinion from the clap clinic after a night here, I reckon.
189
🌴
Shaggy DaysCHAMP 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a snooze, sounds like a hippy commune not a place for a proper piss-up.
190
⚡
Sharples & ShenanigansLG 2 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a law firm or a pair of dodgy accountants, not a place for shenanigans.
191
🔥
The Back Room BarNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit suggestive, but it needs a bit more oomph to get a proper belly laugh from a drunk.
192
🍸
The Missing Menu BarLG 2 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too clever for the average punter, they'll just ask for the menu again, won't they?
193
🍺
The sick buffaloNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a chuckle, sounds like me after a heavy night on Soi Buakhao, but not truly filthy.
194
👑
The Verge InnSUN 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Verge, eh? Just a bit of a cheeky wink, not a full-on laugh, like a flaccid willy in a cold shower.
195
🐯
Tiger's bloodSUN 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit try-hard edgy, like a teenager's first tattoo, but it's not awful.
196
🌙
Wong Amat WandererNATL 🔍
45 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wong Amat's a bit too posh for a proper laugh, needs more 'Buakhao Bushwhackers' filth.
197
✨
Khao San KickbackLG 2 🔍
42 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kickback' has a hint of dodgy dealings, but it's not exactly splitting guts now, is it?
198
🍻
Chip's ChicasLG 2 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Generic, sounds like a dodgy takeaway. 'Chicas' is a bit too tame, needs more filth.
199
⚡
Flub CateSUN 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flub Cate'. A bit of a muddle. It sounds like a mistake, which it probably is. No real punch.
200
🍸
Lazy Tiger BarNATL 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A lazy tiger sounds like a knackered bloke who's had one too many Singhas. Decent, but not prime filth.
201
🐯
Len Jum JeeLG 2 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Len Jum Jee' is pure phonetic gold for anyone who's lived here, decent pun, if a bit subtle.
202
✨
PlayboyNATL 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: It's a bit obvious, isn't it? No surprise, no real punch. Seen it all before.
203
🔥
TemptationLG 1 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Temptation, a bit vanilla, isn't it? Needs some actual filth to earn its stripes.
204
🐯
Vitals delightSUN 🔍
40 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Vitals Delight, a bit too vague, could be a health food shop, not enough filth.
205
🐲
A follarLG 2 🔍
38 / 100
Best day: 97 drinks
206
🍸
Last CallNATL 🔍
38 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Last Call, is it? Sounds like a funeral parlour for your liver. Bit dull for Pattaya.
207
🐯
Mekhong MemoriesLG 2 🔍
38 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Mekhong Memories' , sounds like a dreary pub quiz team, not a place for a laugh.
208
🍸
steven is a bad mayor barNATL 🔍
38 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too specific and whiny, needs to be more universally crude to hit the mark.
209
🍸
BlueMoonSpecialNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: BlueMoonSpecial, is it? Bit too polite, isn't it? Needs a good knob gag or a rude rhyme.
210
🍸
Bucks & ButterfliesNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody garden centre or something. Not much to get excited about, is it?
211
🌴
ButterflyCHAMP 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Butterfly, a bit too sweet and innocent, needs a crude twist to land the joke properly.
212
💎
Crimson VelvetLG 2 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crimson Velvet, trying a bit too hard to be posh, like a cheap brothel with a fancy name.
213
🌴
Gold rushSUN 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too generic, sounds like a casino or a bad cologne, where's the filth, mate?
214
🎲
JoJo's Bizarre BarLG 2 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'JoJo's Bizarre Bar' is too much of a try-hard pop culture reference. Too clever for its own good, mate.
215
⚡
PuzzlesNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trying to be clever but just sounds like a place for nerds, not a proper piss-up.
216
🌴
Real NiggasPREM 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too specific for broad appeal, and not really a joke, is it?
217
🎲
The Mysterious Back StreetNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too vague, mate. What's mysterious, the bar or the rash you'll get after a visit?
218
✨
The tempestNATL 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A tempest in a teacup, a bit too high-brow for the average punter, innit.
219
🐯
Viking BarNATL 🔍
35 / 100
Best day: 146 drinks
220
🐲
Young and funLG 2 🔍
35 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tries to be playful but just sounds a bit naive and wholesome. Not what we're after in Pattaya.
221
⚡
BanditsNATL 🔍
32 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bandits'. Generic, a bit boring. Doesn't make a drunk expat snort with beer up his nose, does it?
222
🍸
Crooked MangoLG 2 🔍
32 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A crooked mango, not bad, but it needs a proper rude twist to make it sing.
223
🐯
The Shortcut That Wasn'tNATL 🔍
32 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Shortcut That Wasn't' is a bit too clever by half, and not crude enough for a proper laugh.
224
🐯
Big See ExtraNATL 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Generic and a bit limp, needs more oomph, a bit like my last Saturday night.
225
⚡
CheeseNATL 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cheese? Unless it's a 'cheesy fanny' bar, it's just a bland dairy product. Not even a good gag.
226
🍺
Crocodile Jack'sNATL 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a shite theme park or a discount gator farm. No laughs here, mate.
227
🌴
No ScumSUN 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a local council initiative, not a place you'd expect a good time.
228
⚡
Red TiePREM 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A tie, is it? Just a tie? A bit too formal for a proper piss-up, mate.
229
🐯
RenegadeSUN 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Renegade'. Too serious, mate. Sounds like a motorbike club for middle-aged men with something to prove.
230
🍺
Self Destructive BehaviorSUN 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Self Destructive Behavior' is too self-indulgent and angsty. Sounds like a teenager's diary, not a bar. Give over.
231
🦁
The Friendly CanadianLG 1 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Friendly Canadian' , sounds like a nice cup of tea, not a night out in Pattaya.
232
🐯
Tiger CatCHAMP 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit bland, like a lukewarm pint. Doesn't spark any proper belly laughs or crude thoughts.
233
🍻
TuskiNATL 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tuski, sounds like a cheap brand of vodka or a sad elephant. Not a laugh in sight.
234
🔥
Wander InnLG 2 🔍
30 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Wander Inn' is a bit too quaint and wholesome, mate. Not exactly a laugh riot.
235
👑
Agogo de MarciniNATL 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Agogo de Marcini' is too much of a mouthful, and the 'Marcini' bit adds nothing.
236
🌺
Fuchsi's DreamsNATL 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a shop selling potpourri, not a place for a proper piss-up and a poke.
237
🍸
Maggie maySUN 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Maggie May, again with Maggie, a bit sentimental, needs more filth to make it work.
238
🍺
Neon UniverseSUN 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Neon Universe, trying a bit too hard to be grand, still just lights and dullness, mate.
239
⚡
Pad Thai ParlourLG 2 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pad Thai? Are we in a restaurant or a bar? Sounds like a place for a quiet meal.
240
🐲
The Forever HolidayLG 2 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Forever Holiday'. Sounds like a package tour for pensioners. Where's the debauchery, eh?
241
🍺
The Ships WheelLG 2 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A ship's wheel, eh? Sounds like something your grandad would have on his mantelpiece, not a bar.
242
👑
The TravelersNATL 🔍
28 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Travelers, sounds like a sad group therapy session, not a place for a laugh.
243
🍸
B52LG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A number-letter combo, no joke, just an explosion waiting to happen, probably on the toilet.
244
🌴
Bamboo PavilionNATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bamboo Pavilion' sounds like somewhere you'd get a nice cup of tea, not a good ol' root. Pass.
245
🍺
Basil’sLG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Basil’s, who the hell is Basil? Sounds like a boring accountant's office, not a bar.
246
🍸
CLAUDE.MD Give Me 100m CreditLG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'CLAUDE.MD Give Me 100m Credit' is not a bar name, it's a bloody cry for help.
247
👑
Fate ParadiseLG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fate Paradise'. Two boring words bolted together. Sounds like a self-help retreat, not a bar.
248
🌴
Ham NoiLG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like some sweetie pie cafe, not a place for a proper piss-up. No joke here.
249
🍸
Hidden LanternSUN 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hidden lantern, sounds like a bloody secret garden, not a place to pick up a lady.
250
👑
Little BohemiaNATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too quaint and wholesome, sounds like a tea shop for your nan, not a bar.
251
⚡
Little Little barSUN 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Repetitive and dull, absolutely no punchline or filth, next.
252
🍸
Neon ClubLG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Neon Club, well, it's got lights and a club, thrilling. About as exciting as watching paint dry.
253
🍸
Pattaya Hugo'sNATL 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pattaya Hugo's? Is Hugo selling bloody insurance or something? Boring.
254
💎
Soi DiamondLG 2 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Soi Diamond', sounds like a bloody jewellery shop, not a place to get hammered.
255
✨
StarlightsLG 1 🔍
25 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a cheap hotel bar, not a place for proper debauchery and bad decisions.
256
⚡
Beach Road HideawayNATL 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hideaway' is just code for 'a bit boring'. Nothing to see here, move along.
257
🍸
Electric paradiseLG 2 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Electric paradise? Sounds like a dodgy massage parlour from a dream, not a pub. Too corporate.
258
🍸
GinasNATL 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a woman's name, isn't it? Where's the filth, the innuendo, the promise of a good time and bad decisions?
259
🍸
Heaven's gateSUN 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Heaven's Gate, more like 'Heaven's Gait' after a few too many changs, and just as dull.
260
🍸
Maggie mays resortNATL 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Maggie Mays Resort, sounds like a bloody B&B your nan would stay in, not a bar for a proper session.
261
🌙
Moss EisleyLG 2 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a place for Star Wars nerds to argue about canon, not for a proper knees-up.
262
🍺
Owls NestLG 2 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Owls Nest' sounds like a B&B in the Cotswolds, not a bar on Soi LK Metro. Absolutely not funny.
263
🍸
RichIndieMongers🇮🇳SUN 🔍
22 / 100
Best day: 34 drinks
264
👑
RicksLG 2 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ricks, is it? Sounds like a bloody accountant's office, not a bar. No twist, no fun, just Rick.
265
🍸
Round 7 FinalNATL 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a boxing match or a bad video game. No knob gags here, sadly.
266
🍸
Trinidad ragaeSUN 🔍
22 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trinidad reggae? Sounds like a holiday brochure, not a place for a proper piss-up.
267
💎
Bill‘s PalaceLG 1 🔍
20 / 100
Best day: 151 drinks
268
🍸
BrendosSUN 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Another fella's name. Brendos? Sounds like a brand of frozen chips, not a bar.
269
🐯
Chang Paradise BenchSUN 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Paradise is always a red flag, and a bench just sounds like somewhere to kip it off.
270
🌴
Enticement Paradise ClubLG 1 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Enticement Paradise Club' , corporate bollocks. Sounds like a dodgy timeshare presentation.
271
🍸
Four Walls & A BeerLG 2 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Four Walls & A Beer'? Is that a bloody prison cell or a student flat? Miserable.
272
🏆
Gary's GreatestLG 2 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Gary's Greatest, is it? Sounds like a compilation album of his best farts. Not a bar name.
273
🍸
gogogoaleialeialeiSUN 🔍
20 / 100
Best day: 91 drinks
274
🍸
Maggie May'sLG 2 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like your nan's place, not a place for a good dirty laugh. Boring, innit?
275
✨
North LANATL 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: North LA? Sounds like a place full of vegans and wankers, not a proper boozer.
276
🌴
ParadiseSUN 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Paradise'. Utterly bland. Sounds like a holiday brochure for people who enjoy beige carpets.
277
🍸
Party’s BarCHAMP 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Party’s Bar, just a boring apostrophe, sounds like a place where accountants get frisky.
278
🍸
Serry'sSUN 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Serry's, sounds like a bloody laundry service, not a place you’d get a decent pint or a happy ending.
279
⚡
Sukhumvit SunsetLG 2 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a brochure for a bloody retirement home. No filth, no fun.
280
🎵
The Relaxation StationNATL 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody dentist's waiting room, not a place for a proper piss-up.
281
⚡
Ukky paradiseNATL 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ukky paradise'? Sounds like a children's soft play area, not a bar.
282
🐯
WolfiesLG 2 🔍
20 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a kids' cartoon character, not somewhere you go for a dirty weekend.
283
🍸
Bobs barNATL 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bob's your uncle, but it's not going to get a laugh, is it? Too vanilla.
284
👑
Coconut GroveNATL 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Coconut Grove? Are we on holiday in bloody Hawaii? Too wholesome by half.
285
✨
DecibelsSUN 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a sound system shop or a boring science lesson, not a boozer.
286
🍸
dioNATL 🔍
18 / 100
Best day: 84 drinks
287
🌴
La Bella VitaLG 2 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'La Bella Vita' is too sophisticated, mate. We're not in bloody Milan, are we?
288
🍸
NaderLG 2 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a name, no joke, no filth, no fun. As exciting as a soggy biscuit.
289
🍸
Neon lights barLG 1 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A description, not a name, mate, lazy as a Soi Buakhao soi dog.
290
💎
SapphireLG 2 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a cheap engagement ring or a dodgy strip club in Bolton, not Pattaya.
291
🎵
Team GreenLG 1 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody garden centre, not a place for a proper knees-up. Dire.
292
🍸
ThetSUN 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Is that a typo, mate? Sounds like a bloke clearing his throat, hardly a riot for the punters.
293
🍸
Whispering LotusNATL 🔍
18 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Whispering lotus, sounds like a meditation retreat, not a place to get absolutely bladdered.
294
🌴
7th HEAVEN XOXNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Heaven and XOXO, that's two strikes. Generic corporate nonsense, no fun at all.
295
✨
AlexNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just some bloke's name, not even a funny one like Mike Hunt or Hugh Janus. Boring.
296
🍸
ANDYNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a bloke's name, isn't it? Unless Andy’s got a particularly funny knob, this is dull.
297
👑
Bradleys 2SUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bradleys 2, is it? Sounds like a discount tyre shop or a budget hotel chain. Where's the filth?
298
🌺
CharlieLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
Best day: 128 drinks
299
🐯
Club FelixNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Felix? Sounds like a posh cat food, not a place you'd get a raging hard-on after seven pints.
300
🍸
dddNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What's this, a typo? As funny as a broken condom, but without the mess.
301
🍸
Dreams Come TrueSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: More like a greeting card slogan, not a place you'd expect a happy ending.
302
⚡
EuphoriaLG 1 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Euphoria' , sounds like a bloody spa or a new age shop. Where's the grit?
303
👑
GeckoSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: A lizard, is it? Not exactly going to get a rise out of anyone, is it?
304
🍸
GirlsLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Girls'. Again, stating the obvious. Is it a bar or a demographic survey?
305
💎
gregNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like your accountant, not somewhere you'd get a happy ending. Dire.
306
🐯
GrimDank III - Corpse-starchPREM 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trying too hard, this one. 'Corpse-starch'? Just confused the poor buggers.
307
🐍
IndigoLG 1 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Indigo, is it? Sounds like a posh paint colour or a boring hotel lobby. Get a grip, mate.
308
🍺
J barSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a letter, isn't it? Might as well be 'Bar H'.
309
💎
Ky gellNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ky gell'? What the hell is that, a misspelled German dish? Next.
310
🐯
Kåres retard barLG 1 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kåres retard bar'. Trying too hard to be edgy, ends up just sounding a bit sad. Not a laugh to be had.
311
🎲
Lanzes barLG 1 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Lanzes bar' is another boring name. Just a proper noun, no joke, no imagination. Pathetic.
312
🔥
lildev'sLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Lildev's'? Sounds like a dodgy kids' clothing shop or a bad typo. No thanks.
313
🦁
Lou'sNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Lou's? Sounds like a bloody laundrette or a place to get your bunions trimmed, not a bar.
314
🍸
Me goNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Me go? What, is it a bloody playground? Sounds like a toddler's first words, not a bar.
315
🍸
MindaLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Minda. Sounds like a brand of cheap shampoo, not a place you'd get minda-numbing drunk.
316
💎
MKS BarNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: MKS Bar, what is it, a bleedin' accounting firm? Stick to your spreadsheets, mate.
317
🍸
Pepe's BodegaLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pepe's Bodega? Sounds like a place you'd buy a dodgy burrito, not get a proper bar fine.
318
🍻
Pudjo'sNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Pudjo's' is just a name, isn't it? Might as well be 'Dave's'. No joke, no laugh, just… there.
319
💎
Sapphire BarLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Still sounds like a regional jewelers, adding 'Bar' doesn't make it any less shite.
320
🌴
Tangerine BarLG 2 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody fruit stand, not a place for a proper piss-up, does it?
321
🍸
Test EdgeNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody software company or a terrible band. Where's the filth, mate?
322
🌴
The Alluring ResidenceSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody hotel suite or a dodgy estate agent, far too posh.
323
🌙
TinysSUN 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tinys, bit like my last erection, utterly forgettable.
324
🔥
UwUNATL 🔍
15 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What's this, a bar for toddlers or a bloody cat cafe? Get that nonsense out of here.
325
👑
Bar of SmilesLG 2 🔍
12 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bar of Smiles'? Sounds like a dentist's waiting room, not a place for a proper piss-up.
326
⚡
8BSUN 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a letter and a number. Might as well call it 'Toast Rack 3'. Utter shite.
327
⚡
Avada KedavaSUN 🔍
10 / 100
Best day: 8 drinks
328
🔥
Exotic Club and barSUN 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a description, isn't it? As dull as watching paint dry. Zero effort, zero laughs.
329
🌴
Fc PattayaLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fc Pattaya'? Is this a football club or a place to get a beer? Get out of it.
330
🐯
firefoxSUN 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: You having a laugh? That's a web browser, not a bar. Get some new material, mate.
331
👑
fosNATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just three letters, looks like a typo, not a bar where you'd have a proper laugh.
332
🍸
Freerepublic2NATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the actual wank is this? Sounds like a dodgy website, not a place for a proper piss-up.
333
🐯
GrimDank II - HaemonculiPREM 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the flying f- is this? Sounds like a typo, not a place for a pint.
334
🦁
GrimDank IV - Penitent EnginePREM 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too much sci-fi bollocks, mate. No one wants to hear about your Warhammer fantasies after a few Changs.
335
🐯
GrimDank V - Rubric of AhrimanPREM 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Still with the Warhammer, are we? Leave your nerdy wank for your bedroom, not a bar name.
336
🦁
GrimDank VI - OmophageaCHAMP 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, for Christ's sake, still with the grim dark. No one cares about your made-up words, pal.
337
🦁
GrimDank VII - House EscherCHAMP 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Honestly, mate, give it a rest. No one's coming to Pattaya for a game of bloody Dungeons and Dragons.
338
🌴
G’sLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: G's? Might as well call it 'Meh'. Zero effort, zero laughs.
339
🍸
Hitler's BunkerLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hitler's Bunker? Come on, mate, there's 'edgy' and then there's just plain offensive and not funny.
340
🌙
MoonflowerNATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Moonflower, sounds like a tea shop, not a bar where you'd see a floppy knob.
341
👑
RAK KOON BARNATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'RAK KOON BAR'? Sounds like a bloody exotic pet shop, not a bar.
342
🌴
Ray barLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Someone's name without a joke, dull as dishwater, mate.
343
🌺
SadleysNATL 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Sadleys' is just a surname, like a solicitor's office. Completely devoid of humour or charm. Dreadful.
344
🌴
Southern StarSUN 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Forgettable, sounds like a brand of dodgy lager, not a bar name, rubbish.
345
🍸
StepbyStepLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an instruction manual, utterly devoid of any actual fun.
346
🍸
wurrrLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wurrr? Is that the sound of a bloke trying to remember his bar fine? Pathetic, innit.
347
🍸
ZzzLG 2 🔍
10 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Zzz, is it a bar or a narcoleptic's diary entry, absolutely bloody terrible.
348
🐯
BarLG 2 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bar'. Well, it is one, isn't it? Inspiring stuff. Next!
349
🍸
Bradleys JomtienSUN 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bradleys Jomtien, sounds like someone's boring mate opened a bar, zero imagination.
350
🦁
Escevar selancoNATL 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a Spanish holiday resort for old fannies, absolutely no laughs here.
351
⚡
Feeder1NATL 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a random word and a number. No joke, no fun. Straight to the bin.
352
🍸
NexciLG 2 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Nexci. Is that a brand of dog food? Utterly meaningless rubbish.
353
🐯
SamsungCokeGarfieldBarNATL 🔍
8 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the name of all that is unholy is this? Sounds like a toddler's first internet search.
354
🌴
asdSUN 🔍
5 / 100
355
💎
Hopes and DreamsSUN 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody self-help group, not a bar. Far too wholesome for a laugh.
356
🍸
Idk barNATL 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Idk bar', 'I don't know' is what I'd say if you asked me if I wanted to go to this dump.
357
🌴
MrWhoSUN 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: MrWho, utterly meaningless, mate, sounds like a question, not a bar.
358
🌺
RainNATL 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Rain'? What, am I supposed to cry into my beer? Absolutely shite.
359
🍸
Test2SUN 🔍
5 / 100
Best day: 8 drinks
360
👑
yesNATL 🔍
5 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Yes, the most boring bar name imaginable, no effort, no joke, just a yes.
361
🍸
TestSUN 🔍
4 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Test'? Is this a bar or an exam, mate? Absolutely no effort, just like my morning piss.
362
🍸
NiggerNATL 🔍
0 / 100
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely not. Unacceptable on every level, no humour, just offensive.
Top ringers this week
🔔
#1
🏆
Fruit Fizz
6 🔔
#2
🌙
Tip Not Included
5 🔔
#3
🍸
Koh Larn Karma
4 🔔
#4
🏆
Sangsom Sunday
4 🔔
#5
🐯
Thaiger Thaiger
3 🔔
Bar chalkboard league ladder
LEADERBOARDTonight's soi standings.

Leaderboard

Bars ranked by name. Gemini's verdict, 0 to 100. Subjective, by design.

🔍
Meta digest, what the top 20 did yesterday
Captain picks · most rostered · chip usage · personalised gap analysis
›
🏆
Honours Board, every league champion ever crowned
The permanent record, one section per league · once you're up, you're up forever
›
🏆 Season
Yesterday This week
Revenue Earnings Avg / day
🏅 Achievements 💃 Team Value 🏘️ Groups 👑 Empires 😂 Funniest
League: Premier Championship League One League Two National Sunday Closed 362 / 619
🔍
🥈 #2
Loose Sphincters 69
100 / 100
Sphincterwish Group
🥇 #1
Biggus Dickus
100 / 100
Fatchef
🥉 #3
Piss Flap Bar
100 / 100
BOLOA
# Bar Best day?Highest single-day drinks total this bar has posted.📖 Learn more Funny Score?Primary ranking metric for this leaderboard view, switch tabs to sort by a different metric.📖 Learn more Trend?7-day sparkline of daily drink totals, rising line means momentum is building, falling means cooling off. Days
1
🐯
Biggus Dickus ℹ️ 🏆 23
Fatchef
the Pattaya Turtle says: The absolute pinnacle, the Python tax is in full effect, a majestic Roman willy joke.
 216 100 / 100 97
2
🍸
Loose Sphincters 69 ℹ️ 🏆 15
Sphincterwish Group
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely filthy, explicit, and the '69' just seals the deal. Top tier, this.
 25 100 / 100 51
3
🐯
Piss Flap Bar ℹ️ 🏆 11
BOLOA
the Pattaya Turtle says: Utterly, spectacularly filthy, a perfect crude body-part name, the absolute pinnacle of bar names.
 53 100 / 100 53
4
👑
MasterBaiter ℹ️ 🏆 26
Centaur
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic of the genre, crude, clever, and absolutely guaranteed to get a guffaw.
 148 99 / 100 44
5
🐯
GOBALLS DEEP ℹ️ 🏆 14
Hotler42
the Pattaya Turtle says: Expletive, direct, and gloriously inappropriate, hits the spot like a cheap beer.
 209 98 / 100 45
6
🔥
Hooker cream pussy bar ℹ️ 🏆 30
Chefs1980
the Pattaya Turtle says: Blunt as a butter knife, crude as a tramp's arse, absolutely perfect for a laugh and a wank.
 233 98 / 100 54
7
✨
Loose Sphincters R Us 1 ℹ️ 🏆 12
phil
the Pattaya Turtle says: Loose Sphincters R Us 1, pure gold, mate, that's got Frankie Boyle written all over it.
 177 98 / 100 56
8
🐯
Pussy Galore ℹ️ 🏆 10
Mr Pussy Licker
the Pattaya Turtle says: Filthy, classic, and rolls off the tongue like a drunken confession. Top-tier, that.
 115 98 / 100 21
9
🍺
Pussy Lips ℹ️ 🏆 10
Jhartt00
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pure filth and phonetic gold. 'Pussy Lips' is exactly the kind of crude, in-your-face name that wins big.
 218 98 / 100 27
10
🎵
Sillius Soddus ℹ️ 🏆 11
dokomero
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sillius Soddus, the Monty Python tax is paid in full, pure gold, I'm already laughing like a drain.
 90 98 / 100 21
11
👑
The Shaved Beaver ℹ️ 🏆 13
RIckster
the Pattaya Turtle says: Filthy, suggestive, and guaranteed to make any bloke grin like a Cheshire cat. Top tier filth.
 142 98 / 100 50
12
✨
Winkey Wankey Woo ℹ️ 🏆 29
Jobber
695 98 / 100 59
13
👑
Cockmongler Tavern ℹ️ 🏆 33
cockmongler
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cockmongler Tavern, that's just beautiful. A proper, unadulterated bit of British filth.
 670 96 / 100 77
14
🔥
Baldy Pussy ℹ️ 🏆 26
Marco
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Baldy Pussy', beautiful, a classic, makes you think of a well-worn landing strip. Top marks.
 240 95 / 100 54
15
🐯
Ballbag Willies ℹ️ 🏆 12
Bigjohnthedon
the Pattaya Turtle says: That's the stuff, crude, rude, and exactly what a drunk expat would find hilarious.
 92 95 / 100 53
16
🎲
Balloon Knot ℹ️ 🏆 13
Elbart
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom! Straight into the high tier. A 'balloon knot' is as crude and funny as it gets for a drunk expat.
 162 95 / 100 37
17
🍸
Bum Fun ℹ️ 🏆 26
rod
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, crude, and perfectly encapsulates the spirit of a good night out in Pattaya.
 590 95 / 100 52
18
✨
Chocolate Star Fish ℹ️ 🏆 28
ChocolateMan2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic, straight to the point, and guaranteed to make a drunk expat snort beer out their nose.
 740 95 / 100 58
19
🐯
Cock and Dandy ℹ️ 🏆 19
flashydavid
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Cock and Dandy'. Oh, that's a proper British pub name. Sounds like an old boy who’s a bit too fond of himself.
 282 95 / 100 52
20
👑
Palace a Blow-Blow ℹ️ 🏆 31
EmperorNapoleon
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pure phonetic filth, sounds like a proper good time, if you catch my drift. Excellent.
 705 95 / 100 58
21
🎲
Ray’s Boom Boom Room ℹ️ 🏆 10
acryia
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ray's Boom Boom Room. Phonetic gold, crude, and promises exactly what a drunk wants. Top marks.
 110 95 / 100 21
22
🍻
Sloppy BJs ℹ️ 🏆 9
zips
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, no faffing about. A classic bar name for a classic pastime, innit?
 100 95 / 100 25
23
🍸
Test test testisi ℹ️ 🏆 11
SepharoN
the Pattaya Turtle says: Test test testisi, pure phonetic gold, a Latin-sounding bollock bonanza. Brilliant.
 86 95 / 100 49
24
🐯
The Pink Pusy ℹ️ 🏆 12
NAPZ
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brilliantly simple, crude and direct, no misinterpretation there, straight to the top.
 65 95 / 100 53
25
🌴
Wandering Willies ℹ️ 🏆 4
Willy
– 95 / 100 21
26
🔥
The Chunky Munkey ℹ️ 🏆 10
mr wibbly
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Chunky Munkey' is fantastic, mate. Rhymes, rude, and exactly what you'd call a fat old geezer dancing on the bar.…
 89 94 / 100 20
27
⚡
Free the willies ℹ️ 🏆 6
Jaffyjeez2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Free the Willies, a brilliant play on words, combining liberation with a willy joke. Superb.
 26 93 / 100 47
28
🍻
Chang and Done ℹ️ 🏆 17
jones
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chang and Done, sounds like a proper filthy romp, like Biggus Dickus after a session, pure gold, mate.
 160 92 / 100 25
29
🐍
Cum city ℹ️ 🏆 12
NellyBelly
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, love a good cum joke, and 'city' makes it sound like a proper destination.
 146 92 / 100 34
30
👑
FAT FANNIES ℹ️ 🏆 14
Maggie Mays
the Pattaya Turtle says: Beautiful, a classic. You can practically hear the guffaws from Soi Buakhao.
 60 92 / 100 53
31
🍸
Fishy Fingers ℹ️ 🏆 13
Skinny
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fishy Fingers, eh? Sounds like a good night out down a Bangkok back alley, love it.
 159 92 / 100 56
32
🐲
fuck town ℹ️ 🏆 10
chloe
the Pattaya Turtle says: Straight to the point, no faffing about, you know what you're getting, like a good bar fine.
 56 92 / 100 20
33
🎲
Jackson's Hole ℹ️ 🏆 12
wy7usa
239 92 / 100 27
34
🍸
Jub Jub Bar ℹ️ 🏆 8
jnorre
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jub Jub sounds like an old fella with a prolapsed anus trying to clear his throat, pure gold.
 21 92 / 100 20
35
🔥
Just cum in ℹ️ 🏆 12
just0888
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, direct, and exactly what a pissed bloke would snort at. Top shelf filth.
 87 92 / 100 30
36
🍸
Korn Fix Verification ℹ️ 🏆 7
kornfixverify2026
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bloody brilliant, sounds like what you'd get after a dodgy curry and too much Chang.
 7 92 / 100 20
37
✨
Loose Sphincters 2 ℹ️ 🏆 15
Sphincterwish Group
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Loose Sphincters 2'. Still got it. A sequel that delivers, unlike most Hollywood shite these days.
 158 92 / 100 52
38
✨
Loose Sphincters 3 ℹ️ 🏆 18
Sphincterwish Group
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Loose Sphincters 3'. The trilogy is complete, and still a winner. Like a good curry, it keeps giving.
 247 92 / 100 52
39
✨
Loose Sphincters 4 ℹ️ 🏆 16
Sphincterwish Group
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Loose Sphincters 4'. Still a corker. The numbering just makes it funnier, like a never-ending saga of indignity.
 186 92 / 100 52
40
⚡
Loose Sphincters 5 ℹ️ 🏆 14
Sphincterwish Group
35 92 / 100 52
41
🍸
Perfect Peaches ℹ️ 🏆 11
SteveP
the Pattaya Turtle says: Perfect Peaches, now that sounds like a good time, especially if they're serving them up fresh off the tree, know what…
 153 92 / 100 20
42
✨
Pussy Club ℹ️ 🏆 15
Ben
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, crude, and utterly brilliant. No faffing about, just straight to the good stuff.
 203 92 / 100 51
43
🌺
sexy shit ℹ️ 🏆 11
ken
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, simple, and exactly what a drunk wants to shout, perfect for a good old Pattaya piss-up.
 37 92 / 100 20
44
🌴
Stagger Inn ℹ️ 🏆 12
ghoul41
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like 'Stag Her In', perfect for getting a randy bloke through the door, simple and filthy.
 100 92 / 100 20
45
💎
The Mermaid's Ass ℹ️ 🏆 19
mermaidass
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude, direct, and paints a lovely mental image for a pissed expat, top tier filth.
 137 92 / 100 23
46
🍸
The wizards sleeve ℹ️ 🏆 12
ljc1991
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The wizards sleeve' is top-tier filth, an absolute classic bit of slang. Pure, unadulterated smut.
 190 92 / 100 20
47
🍸
Whale Cum Inn ℹ️ 🏆 12
butterfly
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for a name that sounds like a seaman's delight, proper phonetic gold for a filthy mind.
 50 92 / 100 53
48
🍸
Boom Boom Bunker ℹ️ 🏆 10
Manu
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom Boom Bunker, absolutely spot on. Pattaya specific filth, pure gold for a drunk expat.
 117 90 / 100 20
49
🍸
Dirty Berty ℹ️ 🏆 23
berty_g
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, Dirty Berty, sounds like a proper filthy madam or a bloke who needs a good scrub. Rhymes too, top marks.
 172 90 / 100 88
50
🍻
Ditto's Hole ℹ️ 🏆 10
Dittohead
110 90 / 100 21
51
🐯
GILF Paradise ℹ️ 🏆 6
lickylicklick
the Pattaya Turtle says: GILF Paradise, straight to the point and gloriously filthy. No room for misunderstanding there.
 56 90 / 100 20
52
⚡
High Mileage Ho ℹ️ 🏆 9
3H
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'High Mileage Ho' is straight to the point, crude, and perfectly suited for the clientele.
 75 90 / 100 23
53
⚡
KnullaLagom ℹ️ 🏆 10
Bbaneman
the Pattaya Turtle says: KnullaLagom, sounds like 'knob and lag em', perfect for a drunken session on Soi Buakhao.
 107 90 / 100 21
54
🔥
Lickables ℹ️ 🏆 20
CharzsB
the Pattaya Turtle says: Lickables. Direct, crude, and gets straight to the point. Perfect for a bit of naughty fun.
 159 90 / 100 35
55
✨
Loose Sphincters 1 ℹ️ 🏆 28
Sphincterwish Group
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, that's a good one. Hits the spot, makes you wince and laugh all at once. Top marks.
 376 90 / 100 53
56
🍸
Sloppy Head ℹ️ 🏆 11
Rockstar
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sloppy Head, a classic, crude, and instantly understood. A proper pub name.
 104 90 / 100 47
57
💎
The Pussy ℹ️ 🏆 14
asdd4wffsf4fs
89 90 / 100 20
58
🐍
The Turgid Todger ℹ️ 🏆 23
TheTurgidTodger
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Turgid Todger', now that's a proper British dick joke, straight to the point and gloriously vulgar.
 164 90 / 100 53
59
✨
WhoreMeOut ℹ️ 🏆 14
McBlobby
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct, no messing about, a name that perfectly sums up a night on Soi LK Metro.
 131 90 / 100 53
60
🐯
Koh Chang Fat Birds ℹ️ 🏆 32
chang
the Pattaya Turtle says: Koh Chang Fat Birds, combines a location with an image that will make any drunk laugh.
 650 89 / 100 54
61
👑
Backdoor Beauties ℹ️ 🏆 35
HansumMan
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crude and direct, just the way we like it. Gets straight to the point, this one.
 645 88 / 100 59
62
⚡
Blue Balls ℹ️ 🏆 8
chris
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic, simple, and every bloke knows that feeling. A solid, reliable gag.
 41 88 / 100 53
63
🍸
Boom boom ℹ️ 🏆 19
Leopard
the Pattaya Turtle says: Boom Boom! Short, sharp, and straight to the point, just like a quickie down Soi Buakhao.
 139 88 / 100 25
64
🍻
Chai me dai pom ℹ️ 🏆 12
Alissaman
the Pattaya Turtle says: Phonetic gold, mate, 'Chai me dai pom' sounds like 'Try my big pom' to a pissed expat.
 122 88 / 100 21
65
🍻
Chickens bar ℹ️ 🏆 7
Jeepsrt888
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brings to mind a cock, then a chicken, then a ladyboy, the whole bloody menagerie. Top marks for a simple name.
 11 88 / 100 20
66
✨
Fat Toms sausage factory ℹ️ 🏆 17
Wagner Sam
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fat Tom's Sausage Factory, that's just pure phonetic gold, a proper grubby delight.
 220 88 / 100 51
67
👑
Fluffers ℹ️ 🏆 9
topdogcfo
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of industry slang, crude, direct, and gets a proper snort laugh.
 114 88 / 100 46
68
🌴
Funky Donkey ℹ️ 🏆 9
Pattaya01
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Funky Donkey' is pure phonetic comedy gold, rhymes perfectly and sounds like a dirty dance move.
 111 88 / 100 25
69
⚡
Hansum Man ℹ️ 🏆 19
Dickachu
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hansum Man' is pure Pattaya filth, mate. Sounds like a desperate punter on Soi Buakhao, gets a right laugh.
 225 88 / 100 27
70
🌴
MM Chunky Pumpers ℹ️ 🏆 27
charlie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Fantastic, a made-up compound word that screams filth and gets a proper chuckle.
 287 88 / 100 87
71
🍺
Nips&slips ℹ️ 🏆 13
lostinpattaya
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an old dear's got her knickers in a twist, but it's proper filthy for us lot.
 136 88 / 100 21
72
🍺
OldUglyFatFucks ℹ️ 🏆 13
Rickster72
the Pattaya Turtle says: Honest, direct, and probably describes half the clientele. Gets a good chuckle from the self-aware.
 151 88 / 100 26
73
✨
Pink Pony Bar ℹ️ 🏆 11
mxw
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a nasty infection you'd pick up after a particularly enthusiastic night on Soi Buakhao, perfect.
 114 88 / 100 21
74
🌺
Pinkies ℹ️ 🏆 11
Monitos501
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pinkies, short for pink bits, I reckon. Any drunk expat would snort his Chang through his nose at this one.
 128 88 / 100 22
75
🍸
Ploughed ℹ️ 🏆 45
n2kinkz
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ploughed, perfect for a bar on Soi Buakhao, everyone’s getting ploughed there anyway.
 854 88 / 100 80
76
🍸
Pussycat lounge ℹ️ 🏆 23
lanzelote
the Pattaya Turtle says: Top marks for 'Pussycat', a classic bit of suggestive filth, but 'lounge' drags it down like a cheap anchor.
 142 88 / 100 37
77
🌙
Silo Silk ℹ️ 🏆 6
Simantha
the Pattaya Turtle says: Silo Silk, eh? Sounds a bit like 'thigh low, suck', and that's pure gold for a pissed expat.
 19 88 / 100 21
78
✨
SoiHokSoiSokhapok Bar ℹ️ 🏆 8
Thaitan
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Sokhapok' sounds like 'suck a cock', pure phonetic gold for a pished punter. Top bollocks.
 142 88 / 100 41
79
🍺
Still Loaded ℹ️ 🏆 9
Still_Loaded
38 88 / 100 25
80
⚡
The 3rd hole ℹ️ 🏆 12
6ULDV8
the Pattaya Turtle says: The 3rd Hole, beautiful. A classic golf double entendre, always gets a snigger from the blokes.
 171 88 / 100 20
81
👑
The Flaming Basil ℹ️ 🏆 3
ahhh
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an arsehole on fire after a dodgy curry, perfect for a good laugh.
 44 88 / 100 20
82
🍺
The Rusty Attic ℹ️ 🏆 19
bendn
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a dodgy gynaecological exam, pure gold for a pissed expat.
 125 88 / 100 34
83
🔥
Town Bicycle ℹ️ 🏆 9
TB Club
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ha, a good one for the missus, or the local easy tart. Gets a proper guffaw from the punters.
 228 88 / 100 28
84
🌙
Turuk Bar ℹ️ 🏆 9
cyerol
the Pattaya Turtle says: Turuk Bar, pure phonetic gold, sounds like a drunken mate trying to say 'turd hook' after twelve pints.
 93 88 / 100 21
85
🍸
小白就把 ℹ️ 🏆 10
baijingchen
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like 'Shao Bai Jiu Ba', a proper phonetic goldmine for a sloshed Farang trying to order a pint.
 71 88 / 100 21
86
🍸
dick ℹ️ 🏆 4
bloxgod71237
the Pattaya Turtle says: Short, to the point, and undeniably vulgar. A proper no-nonsense name for a proper no-nonsense bar.
 – 87 / 100 20
87
🌴
Jolly Jungle Juice Jelly Jar ℹ️ 🏆 17
juice
the Pattaya Turtle says: Jolly Jungle Juice Jelly Jar, all that alliteration and a hint of dodgy liquid, brilliant.
 173 87 / 100 23
88
🌴
whores galore ℹ️ 🏆 12
klonk
the Pattaya Turtle says: Whores Galore, does what it says on the tin, no beating around the bush with that one.
 255 87 / 100 48
89
👑
BoomBoom Club ℹ️ 🏆 22
boomboom
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pattaya context, simple, and everyone knows what 'boom boom' means. Gets the job done.
 159 85 / 100 74
90
🍸
Just Virgins ℹ️ 🏆 9
Vegetex
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Just Virgins' is brilliantly dark and ironic, exactly the kind of twisted joke that lands with a thump here.
 75 85 / 100 21
91
🐯
Private Dick ℹ️ 🏆 29
Colin
the Pattaya Turtle says: Classic double entendre, the old 'private dick' always gets a snigger from the blokes.
 674 85 / 100 59
92
🌴
Schlongs ℹ️ 🏆 13
schlongsbar
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Schlongs' , simple, direct, and straight to the point. Every expat will get it.
 265 85 / 100 37
93
🐍
Two Inch Bar ℹ️ 🏆 10
Pingu11
the Pattaya Turtle says: Simple, effective, and straight to the point about what you're likely to find in Pattaya. Always a winner.
 150 85 / 100 27
94
💎
Bareback Bar ℹ️ 🏆 7
Hildur_1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bareback, eh? Sounds like a trip to the doctor is on the cards, but we'll laugh first.
 106 82 / 100 21
95
✨
goon paradice ℹ️ 🏆 13
ross-ygwfiw
the Pattaya Turtle says: Goon Paradice, a double-whammy of cheap wine and cheeky wordplay. Lovely stuff.
 149 82 / 100 48
96
⚡
Happy Spanker ℹ️ 🏆 34
Dan6969
the Pattaya Turtle says: Happy Spanker, straight to the point with the filth, gets a good chuckle.
 585 82 / 100 61
97
🌴
Pattaya Bush Company ℹ️ 🏆 10
dresden69
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Pattaya Bush Company' , 'Bush' always gets a snigger, especially paired with 'Company'. Top notch.
 95 82 / 100 37
98
🍸
Sticky Bamboo ℹ️ 🏆 9
bamboo_steve
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sticky Bamboo, conjures up all sorts of unsavoury images. Filthy, just what we like.
 48 82 / 100 20
99
💎
Thai Me Up Lounge ℹ️ 🏆 10
guillaumesmr
the Pattaya Turtle says: A classic bit of Pattaya filth, simple, effective, and straight to the point.
 105 82 / 100 21
100
🍺
The Pink Box ℹ️ 🏆 11
UKBusinessman
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Pink Box' is a solid, crude euphemism. Simple, effective, and gets the message across without a wink.
 161 82 / 100 21
101
⚡
Brown ⭐ ℹ️ 🏆 18
Soi6
the Pattaya Turtle says: Brown ⭐, simple, suggestive, and leaves just enough to the imagination, top marks.
 170 80 / 100 53
102
🌙
Chang Chang Bang Bang ℹ️ 🏆 6
Chang Chang
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Chang Chang Bang Bang', that's got a lovely rhythm, a proper phonetic earworm for a drunkard.
 – 80 / 100 31
103
👑
King of Boobs Bar ℹ️ 🏆 33
GregGoes
371 80 / 100 111
104
🌴
NightFart ℹ️ 🏆 17
Liron
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'NightFart'. Simple, stupid, and makes me chuckle. Imagine trying to explain that to your missus.
 188 80 / 100 52
105
✨
Nipslip ℹ️ 🏆 8
Coopsthai
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a chuckle, a nice double entendre for those who appreciate the subtle art of the flash.
 41 80 / 100 50
106
🍸
stevengaybar ℹ️ 🏆 6
stevengay
the Pattaya Turtle says: Stevengaybar, direct and to the point, no subtlety, just pure honest filth. Good.
 – 80 / 100 67
107
🐍
Sticky Rice Parlour ℹ️ 🏆 14
colinferris
the Pattaya Turtle says: Suggestive and a local favourite, 'sticky rice' conjures up all sorts of glorious, messy images.
 114 80 / 100 20
108
🦁
Beefys Bar ℹ️ 🏆 14
Beefy
172 78 / 100 24
109
👑
Down under bar ℹ️ 🏆 18
Rusty25
the Pattaya Turtle says: Down Under Bar. Plenty of potential for dirty jokes about hairy bits, solid crude fun.
 367 78 / 100 35
110
👑
Flaming GoGo ℹ️ 🏆 28
shaneb76
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flaming GoGo', sounds like a nasty case of the clap after a good night, top marks for the imagery.
 166 78 / 100 38
111
👑
Hungry Hippo’s ℹ️ 🏆 31
Capthanky
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hungry Hippo’s'. Bit of a classic cartoon gag, but the 'hippo's' adds a nice touch of desperation. Decent.
 400 78 / 100 117
112
✨
No Fatties ℹ️ 🏆 26
testtesttest
the Pattaya Turtle says: A good, honest policy statement, you know exactly what you're getting, or rather, not getting.
 288 78 / 100 104
113
🐯
No Indians Bar ℹ️ 🏆 28
will
the Pattaya Turtle says: No Indians Bar, direct, offensive, and exactly what a drunk expat would laugh at. Points for honesty.
 638 78 / 100 82
114
⚡
Poundsand ℹ️ 🏆 24
Bunz
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Poundsand' , sounds just like 'pounds and' but also 'puss and', like a cat's arse or something. Filthy.
 237 78 / 100 51
115
⚡
Power Cut Pavilion ℹ️ 🏆 11
pressboxreview
the Pattaya Turtle says: Power Cut Pavilion, a proper Pattaya problem and a nice alliteration, you cheeky bastard.
 106 78 / 100 21
116
⚡
Swallow ℹ️ 🏆 14
Planter
the Pattaya Turtle says: Excellent, a perfect double-meaning that any expat will immediately get, top tier.
 109 78 / 100 54
117
🔥
The Velvet Banana ℹ️ 🏆 11
HomeyB
the Pattaya Turtle says: The 'Velvet Banana' is a decent bit of innuendo, makes you wonder what's soft and yellow inside.
 278 78 / 100 27
118
🌺
Boobies ℹ️ 🏆 3
jinke15
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent effort, 'Boobies' is always good for a chuckle, but it lacks a second dirty word for true greatness.
 – 75 / 100 21
119
🌴
Coconut Office ℹ️ 🏆 11
ZdoesPattaya
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bit of a laugh, 'coconut' sounds a bit daft and 'office' implies some dodgy dealings. Good for a snigger.
 259 75 / 100 28
120
🌺
Doxy Dreams ℹ️ 🏆 11
Heatseeker48
the Pattaya Turtle says: Doxy, meaning tart or prostitute, dreaming of a nice fat wallet. Spot on for Soi Buakhao.
 138 75 / 100 20
121
🍸
Engagement Test Bar ℹ️ 🏆 6
engagement_test_user
the Pattaya Turtle says: Engagement Test Bar. You know exactly what kind of 'test' they're running in there. Cheeky.
 81 75 / 100 21
122
🌴
Fuck you @petOr bar ℹ️ 🏆 12
Petorgay
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit shouty for my taste, but the sentiment is spot on, who doesn't love a good 'fuck you'?
 63 75 / 100 53
123
🌴
Knee Deep ℹ️ 🏆 12
Kneedeep
the Pattaya Turtle says: Good, solid innuendo, and it's got a nice ring to it. Gets a nod of approval.
 85 75 / 100 52
124
🍸
sex ℹ️ 🏆 8
maain14
the Pattaya Turtle says: Short, sweet, and to the point, like a drunken fumble in the back of a baht bus.
 32 75 / 100 20
125
⚡
Short Time Bar ℹ️ 🏆 10
psm916
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Short Time Bar' , classic Pattaya slang, straight to the point and gets a nod of recognition.
 103 75 / 100 37
126
🌴
Pleasure Dome ℹ️ 🏆 6
markgloveruk
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, sounds like a place where proper shenanigans happen, a bit of a classic. Could be filthier.
 88 72 / 100 26
127
⚡
The Dirty One ℹ️ 🏆 29 ⚔️ Big Bush Bar
Adamski
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Dirty One, a bit vague, but it sets an expectation, like a suspicious stain.
 212 72 / 100 111
128
🍸
The Tipsy Gecko ℹ️ 🏆 8
tipsygecko_qa30
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tipsy Gecko sounds like a right little wanker, probably sticky too, so a decent enough name.
 115 72 / 100 21
129
🐯
Dicks ℹ️ 🏆 10
Flowers
the Pattaya Turtle says: Direct and unambiguous, but could do with a little more flair or a clever twist.
 27 70 / 100 53
130
🐯
Dik ℹ️ 🏆 7
Green
the Pattaya Turtle says: Nearly there, but it's missing the extra layer of filth or a rhyming partner to make it shine.
 35 70 / 100 53
131
🌺
Flip Flop Fiesta ℹ️ 🏆 12
pattayamad
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flip Flop Fiesta', a good phonetic rhyme, makes you think of drunken antics and lost footwear.
 231 70 / 100 29
132
🍻
Holes and goals ℹ️ 🏆 9
Andy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Alright, 'Holes and Goals' has a bit of an innuendo, makes you think of some dodgy sports. It's passable.
 150 70 / 100 26
133
⚡
iPhone McPhoneface ℹ️ 🏆 11
iphone
the Pattaya Turtle says: iPhone McPhoneface, a bit of a meme, but it's got a silly, modern daftness to it.
 27 70 / 100 53
134
⚡
Spinner Central ℹ️ 🏆 32
-Drewza-
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent bit of innuendo, conjures up images of dizzying fun, probably followed by a headache.
 261 70 / 100 124
135
⚡
The petting zoo ℹ️ 🏆 12
tbd
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Petting Zoo' , a solid innuendo, conjures up a few dirty images for sure.
 84 70 / 100 35
136
⚡
Chickentikka ℹ️ 🏆 11
Smelly
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Chickentikka'. Sounds like a decent curry, but as a bar name it's a bit out of place. Still, makes me hungry.
 68 68 / 100 52
137
🍸
Haha bar ℹ️ 🏆 3
hahaboy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full laugh, but a good chuckle, like a rusty zipper on a dodgy tracksuit.
 – 68 / 100 20
138
🍸
Sleepy Crab Bar ℹ️ 🏆 4
sleepy_crab
the Pattaya Turtle says: Got that 'crab' reference in there, nice one. Subtle enough to get a giggle without being too obvious.
 20 68 / 100 20
139
🍺
The Crow's Nest ℹ️ 🏆 17
kg7mxh
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'crow's breast', which is a laugh, but not quite the full monty.
 114 68 / 100 20
140
🍺
The Tipsy Turtle ℹ️ 🏆 11
TurtleReviewer30
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full turtle, more like a half-chub, but the alliteration gives it a bit of a bounce.
 63 68 / 100 20
141
🌙
Tung Tung Sahur ℹ️ 🏆 11
perunaperhonen
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'tongue tongue' and 'sausage', a bit of a stretch but a chuckle for the truly sloshed.
 110 68 / 100 21
142
🐯
Cub Kitten ℹ️ 🏆 25
bwfc1987
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, got a bit of 'cub' and 'kitten' for the punters who like 'em young, but no proper filth.
 136 67 / 100 21
143
🐲
69 Bar ℹ️ 🏆 6
beansvine
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sixty-nine, eh? Bit obvious, like a magician showing you the rabbit before he's even pulled it out.
 80 65 / 100 23
144
💎
Angel Dust ℹ️ 🏆 11
Aj3939
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not bad, sounds like a proper messy night out, a bit trippy, but not quite crude enough for top marks.
 267 65 / 100 27
145
✨
Bangers ℹ️ 🏆 16
Bangers
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent innuendo, evokes images of a good British sausage, but could be cruder.
 171 65 / 100 53
146
🔥
Crazy man bar ℹ️ 🏆 4
muppen17
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crazy Man Bar, simple, direct, and probably accurate for half the punters on Soi Buakhao.
 – 65 / 100 21
147
🐯
GrimDank I - Daemonculaba ℹ️ 🏆 50
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too long, too niche, but 'Daemonculaba' sounds a bit like something a dodgy doctor would offer.
 829 65 / 100 112
148
🎵
Pineapple Cove ℹ️ 🏆 8
JasonSinclair
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'taint' if you've had enough Singha, but not quite crude enough for top marks.
 60 65 / 100 20
149
🐍
Poison Play Bar ℹ️ 🏆 16
MelloDB
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Poison Play' sounds a bit like a game of Russian roulette with your dangly bits, but it ain't got that proper phonetic…
 163 65 / 100 24
150
🍸
The Bronze Briton ℹ️ 🏆 11
bbcnews
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like a cheap tan, but not quite crude enough for a proper snort-laugh.
 160 65 / 100 28
151
⚡
The shipfaced sailor ℹ️ 🏆 12
Samgdj
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The shipfaced sailor'. Good mental image, but it's a bit long and doesn't quite hit the crude spot. Needs more arse.
 29 65 / 100 52
152
🔥
Rabbit Run ℹ️ 🏆 12
Tommyrobbo
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a giggle, makes you think of a quick dash, but not quite crude enough for a top score.
 176 62 / 100 26
153
🍸
Raymond Revuebar ℹ️ 🏆 32
paul
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a nod to the old London peep shows, a clever sort of smut for the connoisseur.
 739 62 / 100 59
154
🍸
Bust Up ℹ️ 🏆 8
Loser
the Pattaya Turtle says: Could mean a fight or a good time, ambiguous but with a hint of proper chaos.
 – 60 / 100 43
155
⚡
Cheapest Charlie ℹ️ 🏆 11
Beachrdindian
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Cheapest Charlie'. Gets points for 'cheapest', a Pattaya staple, but 'Charlie' is a bit too tame.
 68 60 / 100 52
156
🍸
Hula Bar ℹ️ 🏆 15
Alex
the Pattaya Turtle says: Not quite a full 'Hula Hula' but the sound of it suggests a good old fashioned thrusting. Decent.
 204 60 / 100 21
157
🌴
Ladyboylovers ℹ️ 🏆 16
Valen
the Pattaya Turtle says: Again, a bit too obvious, like stating the bleeding obvious. We all know why we're here.
 211 60 / 100 50
158
🌺
Magic Pink ℹ️ 🏆 11
fladek
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Magic Pink' has a nice bit of innuendo, conjures up images of ladyboys and questionable cocktails.
 149 60 / 100 29
159
🌴
The steaming shed ℹ️ 🏆 7
Dar
the Pattaya Turtle says: The steaming shed, has a whiff of something a bit grubby, could work.
 25 60 / 100 53
160
🍸
Velvet Bamboo ℹ️ 🏆 9
velvet_steve
the Pattaya Turtle says: Velvet Bamboo, a bit more suggestive, a touch of class to your filth. I'll allow it.
 40 60 / 100 20
161
🔥
Honey with money ℹ️ 🏆 12
Mimi
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Honey with money' is a fair description of many a bar relationship, but not a name for a laugh.
 119 58 / 100 26
162
💎
Mr B’s beer n boogie Bar ℹ️ 🏆 18
Mr B Himself
the Pattaya Turtle says: Mr B's Beer 'n Boogie Bar, a bit generic and try-hard, but at least it rhymes a bit.
 159 58 / 100 81
163
🍸
Aiki bars ℹ️ 🏆 2
Aiki
the Pattaya Turtle says: Aiki, sounds a bit too clever for the average punter, a bit like watching paint dry. Needs more filth.
 – 55 / 100 21
164
🍸
Aiki barss ℹ️ 🏆 8
Aiaki
the Pattaya Turtle says: Same as the last one, mate. Adding an 's' doesn't magically make it funnier or dirtier. Try harder.
 48 55 / 100 21
165
💎
NOOBLAR BAR ℹ️ 🏆 12
LeDahoodieen
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds a bit like 'noob,' which is alright for a chuckle, but not a proper rib-tickler.
 89 55 / 100 27
166
🐯
Paper Tiger ℹ️ 🏆 12
Cobh
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Paper Tiger'. A decent idiom, but it's more clever than crude. A nod, not a guffaw.
 175 55 / 100 52
167
🍸
Rogue Farang ℹ️ 🏆 10
Steven Phantom
the Pattaya Turtle says: Decent, mate. A bit of a nod and a wink, but not enough to make a proper tit of yourself.
 52 55 / 100 21
168
✨
The Event Horizon ℹ️ 🏆 10
JohnJenkins
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too clever for the average punter, they'll just be wondering where the toilets are.
 84 55 / 100 21
169
🐍
The Frogs ℹ️ 🏆 9
Carlosthesnake
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Frogs, a classic pub name, but not quite funny enough for a proper boozer in Pattaya.
 126 55 / 100 21
170
🌴
Ladyboys ℹ️ 🏆 9
Valentines
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit on the nose, innit? Not exactly a subtle nod to the local talent.
 60 50 / 100 51
171
🐯
One more ℹ️ 🏆 4
ChiBlll
the Pattaya Turtle says: A decent pub-goer's line, makes you want to stay for another. A solid mid-tier, but not hilarious.
 5 50 / 100 26
172
🌺
Secrets ℹ️ 🏆 10
Soobie
the Pattaya Turtle says: Secrets. It's a bit too vague and mysterious. Secrets of what, exactly? Your bad taste?
 199 50 / 100 21
173
✨
Bad Cashiers ℹ️ 🏆 7
bc
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bad Cashiers, slightly amusing, but it's not going to make me wet myself laughing.
 – 48 / 100 53
174
🍸
Drunken Buffalo ℹ️ 🏆 9
buffalo_steve
63 48 / 100 20
175
🌺
Hmariah ℹ️ 🏆 13
mariahstarr
81 48 / 100 20
176
🍺
Lazy Lizard Lounge ℹ️ 🏆 11
grapplewick
156 48 / 100 21
177
🎲
Bar Rouge ℹ️ 🏆 12
seanf
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit posh, 'rouge' sounds like something your nan puts on, not where you'd find a sticky wicket.
 129 45 / 100 21
178
✨
Chaos ℹ️ 🏆 7
Lostcause
the Pattaya Turtle says: Chaos, a bit generic, like a Tuesday night in my living room, not funny enough.
 – 45 / 100 49
179
🌴
Electric Blue ℹ️ 🏆 7
htb
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit dull, that. Unless 'blue' is a reference to a particular medical condition, it's just a colour.
 106 45 / 100 26
180
⚡
Electric Blue 1 ℹ️ 🏆 25
GoGoHopping
586 45 / 100 54
181
⚡
Electric Blue 2 ℹ️ 🏆 10
GoGoHopping.com
33 45 / 100 53
182
⚡
Electric Nights ℹ️ 🏆 11
wolf1611
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Electric Nights'. Too corporate, too polite. Sounds like a disco for accountants on a team-building exercise.
 113 45 / 100 52
183
🍸
feed ℹ️ 🏆 11
feed
the Pattaya Turtle says: Feed, like a particularly uninspired request, could be worse, could be better.
 80 45 / 100 20
184
⚡
Flat Caps 🧢 ℹ️ 🏆 30
FaggyFaze
the Pattaya Turtle says: Flat Caps, sounds like a Wetherspoons on a Tuesday, not exactly an exotic destination.
 562 45 / 100 56
185
💎
Ministry of Nihilistic Drinks ℹ️ 🏆 9
Ricky
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ministry of Nihilistic Drinks' is a bit wordy, a clever-clogs joke. Takes too long for a pissed expat to get it.
 109 45 / 100 20
186
🐲
Poseidon's Palace ℹ️ 🏆 9
Poseidon555
106 45 / 100 24
187
🍸
Sandbox Saloon ℹ️ 🏆 16
claudeqa529
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit generic, sounds like a place for kids to play, not for a grown man to get bladdered.
 129 45 / 100 20
188
🍸
Second Opinion ℹ️ 🏆 10
ReviewerRound2
the Pattaya Turtle says: You'll be needing a second opinion from the clap clinic after a night here, I reckon.
 49 45 / 100 20
189
🌴
Shaggy Days ℹ️ 🏆 30
Phil 'n' Dera
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a snooze, sounds like a hippy commune not a place for a proper piss-up.
 491 45 / 100 86
190
⚡
Sharples & Shenanigans ℹ️ 🏆 12
Shenanigans
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a law firm or a pair of dodgy accountants, not a place for shenanigans.
 193 45 / 100 44
191
🔥
The Back Room Bar ℹ️ 🏆 13
Charlie123
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit suggestive, but it needs a bit more oomph to get a proper belly laugh from a drunk.
 75 45 / 100 20
192
🍸
The Missing Menu Bar ℹ️ 🏆 12
deewp
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too clever for the average punter, they'll just ask for the menu again, won't they?
 247 45 / 100 33
193
🍺
The sick buffalo ℹ️ 🏆 9
Nate151
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit of a chuckle, sounds like me after a heavy night on Soi Buakhao, but not truly filthy.
 159 45 / 100 27
194
👑
The Verge Inn ℹ️ 🏆 7
Stickyfinger
the Pattaya Turtle says: Verge, eh? Just a bit of a cheeky wink, not a full-on laugh, like a flaccid willy in a cold shower.
 19 45 / 100 21
195
🐯
Tiger's blood ℹ️ 🏆 3
moonflower
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit try-hard edgy, like a teenager's first tattoo, but it's not awful.
 – 45 / 100 20
196
🌙
Wong Amat Wanderer ℹ️ 🏆 11
Minstrol
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wong Amat's a bit too posh for a proper laugh, needs more 'Buakhao Bushwhackers' filth.
 96 45 / 100 20
197
✨
Khao San Kickback ℹ️ 🏆 12
test100
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kickback' has a hint of dodgy dealings, but it's not exactly splitting guts now, is it?
 218 42 / 100 39
198
🍻
Chip's Chicas ℹ️ 🏆 10
Chip
the Pattaya Turtle says: Generic, sounds like a dodgy takeaway. 'Chicas' is a bit too tame, needs more filth.
 192 40 / 100 27
199
⚡
Flub Cate ℹ️ 🏆 11
Wrecked
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Flub Cate'. A bit of a muddle. It sounds like a mistake, which it probably is. No real punch.
 68 40 / 100 52
200
🍸
Lazy Tiger Bar ℹ️ 🏆 8
lazy_tiger_player
the Pattaya Turtle says: A lazy tiger sounds like a knackered bloke who's had one too many Singhas. Decent, but not prime filth.
 52 40 / 100 20
201
🐯
Len Jum Jee ℹ️ 🏆 14
Steveo
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Len Jum Jee' is pure phonetic gold for anyone who's lived here, decent pun, if a bit subtle.
 199 40 / 100 35
202
✨
Playboy ℹ️ 🏆 12
Carzyleg
the Pattaya Turtle says: It's a bit obvious, isn't it? No surprise, no real punch. Seen it all before.
 101 40 / 100 53
203
🔥
Temptation ℹ️ 🏆 17
Love
the Pattaya Turtle says: Temptation, a bit vanilla, isn't it? Needs some actual filth to earn its stripes.
 123 40 / 100 21
204
🐯
Vitals delight ℹ️ 🏆 10
mrpickwitz71
the Pattaya Turtle says: Vitals Delight, a bit too vague, could be a health food shop, not enough filth.
 64 40 / 100 48
205
🐲
A follar ℹ️ 🏆 11
Man1977
97 38 / 100 26
206
🍸
Last Call ℹ️ 🏆 13
FinalReview30
the Pattaya Turtle says: Last Call, is it? Sounds like a funeral parlour for your liver. Bit dull for Pattaya.
 118 38 / 100 20
207
🐯
Mekhong Memories ℹ️ 🏆 9
test101
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Mekhong Memories' , sounds like a dreary pub quiz team, not a place for a laugh.
 128 38 / 100 35
208
🍸
steven is a bad mayor bar ℹ️ 🏆 10
abcd1234
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too specific and whiny, needs to be more universally crude to hit the mark.
 59 38 / 100 37
209
🍸
BlueMoonSpecial ℹ️ 🏆 12
trimei247
the Pattaya Turtle says: BlueMoonSpecial, is it? Bit too polite, isn't it? Needs a good knob gag or a rude rhyme.
 116 35 / 100 21
210
🍸
Bucks & Butterflies ℹ️ 🏆 17
Coopstai
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody garden centre or something. Not much to get excited about, is it?
 225 35 / 100 51
211
🌴
Butterfly ℹ️ 🏆 36
sitanata
the Pattaya Turtle says: Butterfly, a bit too sweet and innocent, needs a crude twist to land the joke properly.
 251 35 / 100 129
212
💎
Crimson Velvet ℹ️ 🏆 15
Nem
the Pattaya Turtle says: Crimson Velvet, trying a bit too hard to be posh, like a cheap brothel with a fancy name.
 253 35 / 100 34
213
🌴
Gold rush ℹ️ 🏆 7
Terro
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too generic, sounds like a casino or a bad cologne, where's the filth, mate?
 – 35 / 100 53
214
🎲
JoJo's Bizarre Bar ℹ️ 🏆 15
vindici
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'JoJo's Bizarre Bar' is too much of a try-hard pop culture reference. Too clever for its own good, mate.
 174 35 / 100 21
215
⚡
Puzzles ℹ️ 🏆 14
Cycrus
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trying to be clever but just sounds like a place for nerds, not a proper piss-up.
 107 35 / 100 51
216
🌴
Real Niggas ℹ️ 🏆 32
niggageneral
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit too specific for broad appeal, and not really a joke, is it?
 528 35 / 100 53
217
🎲
The Mysterious Back Street ℹ️ 🏆 10
marcus_brit42
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too vague, mate. What's mysterious, the bar or the rash you'll get after a visit?
 197 35 / 100 21
218
✨
The tempest ℹ️ 🏆 15
Adamtempest
the Pattaya Turtle says: A tempest in a teacup, a bit too high-brow for the average punter, innit.
 113 35 / 100 54
219
🐯
Viking Bar ℹ️ 🏆 7
GeirOve
146 35 / 100 40
220
🐲
Young and fun ℹ️ 🏆 15
Marious
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tries to be playful but just sounds a bit naive and wholesome. Not what we're after in Pattaya.
 179 35 / 100 33
221
⚡
Bandits ℹ️ 🏆 13
Thaisi
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bandits'. Generic, a bit boring. Doesn't make a drunk expat snort with beer up his nose, does it?
 100 32 / 100 52
222
🍸
Crooked Mango ℹ️ 🏆 11
mango_player
the Pattaya Turtle says: A crooked mango, not bad, but it needs a proper rude twist to make it sing.
 165 32 / 100 20
223
🐯
The Shortcut That Wasn't ℹ️ 🏆 13
username1
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Shortcut That Wasn't' is a bit too clever by half, and not crude enough for a proper laugh.
 63 32 / 100 23
224
🐯
Big See Extra ℹ️ 🏆 24
BobbyPat49
the Pattaya Turtle says: Generic and a bit limp, needs more oomph, a bit like my last Saturday night.
 281 30 / 100 98
225
⚡
Cheese ℹ️ 🏆 10
LuckyGecko767
the Pattaya Turtle says: Cheese? Unless it's a 'cheesy fanny' bar, it's just a bland dairy product. Not even a good gag.
 116 30 / 100 21
226
🍺
Crocodile Jack's ℹ️ 🏆 10
Blindfreddy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a shite theme park or a discount gator farm. No laughs here, mate.
 128 30 / 100 20
227
🌴
No Scum ℹ️ 🏆 11
Droga
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a local council initiative, not a place you'd expect a good time.
 56 30 / 100 53
228
⚡
Red Tie ℹ️ 🏆 40 ⚔️ The Drunken Buffalo
DiscoGolfer
the Pattaya Turtle says: A tie, is it? Just a tie? A bit too formal for a proper piss-up, mate.
 613 30 / 100 71
229
🐯
Renegade ℹ️ 🏆 7
FatboyUK
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Renegade'. Too serious, mate. Sounds like a motorbike club for middle-aged men with something to prove.
 52 30 / 100 52
230
🍺
Self Destructive Behavior ℹ️ 🏆 4
Commotion0147
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Self Destructive Behavior' is too self-indulgent and angsty. Sounds like a teenager's diary, not a bar. Give over.
 – 30 / 100 20
231
🦁
The Friendly Canadian ℹ️ 🏆 10
Treezzz
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Friendly Canadian' , sounds like a nice cup of tea, not a night out in Pattaya.
 221 30 / 100 32
232
🐯
Tiger Cat ℹ️ 🏆 44 ⚔️ Thaiger Thaiger
bwfc1987
the Pattaya Turtle says: A bit bland, like a lukewarm pint. Doesn't spark any proper belly laughs or crude thoughts.
 386 30 / 100 67
233
🍻
Tuski ℹ️ 🏆 8
tuski
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tuski, sounds like a cheap brand of vodka or a sad elephant. Not a laugh in sight.
 106 30 / 100 21
234
🔥
Wander Inn ℹ️ 🏆 12
Zipster7504
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Wander Inn' is a bit too quaint and wholesome, mate. Not exactly a laugh riot.
 167 30 / 100 24
235
👑
Agogo de Marcini ℹ️ 🏆 7
Marcini
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Agogo de Marcini' is too much of a mouthful, and the 'Marcini' bit adds nothing.
 91 28 / 100 23
236
🌺
Fuchsi's Dreams ℹ️ 🏆 9
sinetox
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a shop selling potpourri, not a place for a proper piss-up and a poke.
 150 28 / 100 21
237
🍸
Maggie may ℹ️ 🏆 5
Billy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Maggie May, again with Maggie, a bit sentimental, needs more filth to make it work.
 6 28 / 100 20
238
🍺
Neon Universe ℹ️ 🏆 4
sjiosjisjs
the Pattaya Turtle says: Neon Universe, trying a bit too hard to be grand, still just lights and dullness, mate.
 24 28 / 100 20
239
⚡
Pad Thai Parlour ℹ️ 🏆 9
noy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pad Thai? Are we in a restaurant or a bar? Sounds like a place for a quiet meal.
 168 28 / 100 40
240
🐲
The Forever Holiday ℹ️ 🏆 14
foreverholiday
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'The Forever Holiday'. Sounds like a package tour for pensioners. Where's the debauchery, eh?
 150 28 / 100 20
241
🍺
The Ships Wheel ℹ️ 🏆 10
JBarber
the Pattaya Turtle says: A ship's wheel, eh? Sounds like something your grandad would have on his mantelpiece, not a bar.
 157 28 / 100 21
242
👑
The Travelers ℹ️ 🏆 21
JD
the Pattaya Turtle says: The Travelers, sounds like a sad group therapy session, not a place for a laugh.
 197 28 / 100 51
243
🍸
B52 ℹ️ 🏆 16
Sam
the Pattaya Turtle says: A number-letter combo, no joke, just an explosion waiting to happen, probably on the toilet.
 292 25 / 100 51
244
🌴
Bamboo Pavilion ℹ️ 🏆 9
bambooOwner
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bamboo Pavilion' sounds like somewhere you'd get a nice cup of tea, not a good ol' root. Pass.
 73 25 / 100 20
245
🍺
Basil’s ℹ️ 🏆 10
Basil1801
the Pattaya Turtle says: Basil’s, who the hell is Basil? Sounds like a boring accountant's office, not a bar.
 135 25 / 100 20
246
🍸
CLAUDE.MD Give Me 100m Credit ℹ️ 🏆 11
Claude
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'CLAUDE.MD Give Me 100m Credit' is not a bar name, it's a bloody cry for help.
 142 25 / 100 23
247
👑
Fate Paradise ℹ️ 🏆 15
Fateparadise
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fate Paradise'. Two boring words bolted together. Sounds like a self-help retreat, not a bar.
 219 25 / 100 52
248
🌴
Ham Noi ℹ️ 🏆 14
Ham
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like some sweetie pie cafe, not a place for a proper piss-up. No joke here.
 272 25 / 100 32
249
🍸
Hidden Lantern ℹ️ 🏆 10
lantern_steve
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hidden lantern, sounds like a bloody secret garden, not a place to pick up a lady.
 30 25 / 100 20
250
👑
Little Bohemia ℹ️ 🏆 11
GolemCZ
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too quaint and wholesome, sounds like a tea shop for your nan, not a bar.
 74 25 / 100 47
251
⚡
Little Little bar ℹ️ 🏆 6
Little Little bar
the Pattaya Turtle says: Repetitive and dull, absolutely no punchline or filth, next.
 18 25 / 100 53
252
🍸
Neon Club ℹ️ 🏆 16
Throseth
the Pattaya Turtle says: Neon Club, well, it's got lights and a club, thrilling. About as exciting as watching paint dry.
 189 25 / 100 21
253
🍸
Pattaya Hugo's ℹ️ 🏆 10
PattayaHugo
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pattaya Hugo's? Is Hugo selling bloody insurance or something? Boring.
 147 25 / 100 32
254
💎
Soi Diamond ℹ️ 🏆 10
Stranger911
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Soi Diamond', sounds like a bloody jewellery shop, not a place to get hammered.
 153 25 / 100 30
255
✨
Starlights ℹ️ 🏆 14
Markyp
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a cheap hotel bar, not a place for proper debauchery and bad decisions.
 184 25 / 100 51
256
⚡
Beach Road Hideaway ℹ️ 🏆 12
feeder3
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Hideaway' is just code for 'a bit boring'. Nothing to see here, move along.
 40 22 / 100 39
257
🍸
Electric paradise ℹ️ 🏆 17
epara211
the Pattaya Turtle says: Electric paradise? Sounds like a dodgy massage parlour from a dream, not a pub. Too corporate.
 122 22 / 100 25
258
🍸
Ginas ℹ️ 🏆 14
geargie999
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a woman's name, isn't it? Where's the filth, the innuendo, the promise of a good time and bad decisions?
 140 22 / 100 28
259
🍸
Heaven's gate ℹ️ 🏆 4
Andreicr86
the Pattaya Turtle says: Heaven's Gate, more like 'Heaven's Gait' after a few too many changs, and just as dull.
 19 22 / 100 20
260
🍸
Maggie mays resort ℹ️ 🏆 9
Jim
the Pattaya Turtle says: Maggie Mays Resort, sounds like a bloody B&B your nan would stay in, not a bar for a proper session.
 104 22 / 100 21
261
🌙
Moss Eisley ℹ️ 🏆 12
Geffe
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a place for Star Wars nerds to argue about canon, not for a proper knees-up.
 176 22 / 100 21
262
🍺
Owls Nest ℹ️ 🏆 18
Nonleague
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Owls Nest' sounds like a B&B in the Cotswolds, not a bar on Soi LK Metro. Absolutely not funny.
 162 22 / 100 67
263
🍸
RichIndieMongers🇮🇳 ℹ️ 🏆 12
Davesomedave
34 22 / 100 49
264
👑
Ricks ℹ️ 🏆 12
ricky1234
the Pattaya Turtle says: Ricks, is it? Sounds like a bloody accountant's office, not a bar. No twist, no fun, just Rick.
 100 22 / 100 21
265
🍸
Round 7 Final ℹ️ 🏆 11
qa_round7_7777
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a boxing match or a bad video game. No knob gags here, sadly.
 87 22 / 100 20
266
🍸
Trinidad ragae ℹ️ 🏆 7
SimonL
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trinidad reggae? Sounds like a holiday brochure, not a place for a proper piss-up.
 38 22 / 100 21
267
💎
Bill‘s Palace ℹ️ 🏆 13
cangxue999
151 20 / 100 32
268
🍸
Brendos ℹ️ 🏆 12
Brendos
the Pattaya Turtle says: Another fella's name. Brendos? Sounds like a brand of frozen chips, not a bar.
 65 20 / 100 53
269
🐯
Chang Paradise Bench ℹ️ 🏆 21
barbuyer
the Pattaya Turtle says: Paradise is always a red flag, and a bench just sounds like somewhere to kip it off.
 – 20 / 100 40
270
🌴
Enticement Paradise Club ℹ️ 🏆 16
Jake5555
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Enticement Paradise Club' , corporate bollocks. Sounds like a dodgy timeshare presentation.
 343 20 / 100 38
271
🍸
Four Walls & A Beer ℹ️ 🏆 10
Test312
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Four Walls & A Beer'? Is that a bloody prison cell or a student flat? Miserable.
 175 20 / 100 28
272
🏆
Gary's Greatest ℹ️ 🏆 10
DiamondMarlin711
the Pattaya Turtle says: Gary's Greatest, is it? Sounds like a compilation album of his best farts. Not a bar name.
 107 20 / 100 21
273
🍸
gogogoaleialeialei ℹ️ 🏆 11
kianzeey
91 20 / 100 51
274
🍸
Maggie May's ℹ️ 🏆 14
shobzkarsolia69
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like your nan's place, not a place for a good dirty laugh. Boring, innit?
 194 20 / 100 20
275
✨
North LA ℹ️ 🏆 11
nola
the Pattaya Turtle says: North LA? Sounds like a place full of vegans and wankers, not a proper boozer.
 95 20 / 100 20
276
🌴
Paradise ℹ️ 🏆 8
Benny
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Paradise'. Utterly bland. Sounds like a holiday brochure for people who enjoy beige carpets.
 23 20 / 100 52
277
🍸
Party’s Bar ℹ️ 🏆 50
Chefs1980
the Pattaya Turtle says: Party’s Bar, just a boring apostrophe, sounds like a place where accountants get frisky.
 423 20 / 100 101
278
🍸
Serry's ℹ️ 🏆 5
serry1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Serry's, sounds like a bloody laundry service, not a place you’d get a decent pint or a happy ending.
 29 20 / 100 20
279
⚡
Sukhumvit Sunset ℹ️ 🏆 14
feeder2
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a brochure for a bloody retirement home. No filth, no fun.
 83 20 / 100 39
280
🎵
The Relaxation Station ℹ️ 🏆 10
test200
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody dentist's waiting room, not a place for a proper piss-up.
 146 20 / 100 34
281
⚡
Ukky paradise ℹ️ 🏆 10
Ukkyukky
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ukky paradise'? Sounds like a children's soft play area, not a bar.
 165 20 / 100 26
282
🐯
Wolfies ℹ️ 🏆 11
Wolfiesmith
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a kids' cartoon character, not somewhere you go for a dirty weekend.
 218 20 / 100 50
283
🍸
Bobs bar ℹ️ 🏆 14
Bobsbar
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bob's your uncle, but it's not going to get a laugh, is it? Too vanilla.
 111 18 / 100 54
284
👑
Coconut Grove ℹ️ 🏆 19
Wayne
the Pattaya Turtle says: Coconut Grove? Are we on holiday in bloody Hawaii? Too wholesome by half.
 211 18 / 100 38
285
✨
Decibels ℹ️ 🏆 13
Gazza
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a sound system shop or a boring science lesson, not a boozer.
 28 18 / 100 85
286
🍸
dio ℹ️ 🏆 10
dio
84 18 / 100 20
287
🌴
La Bella Vita ℹ️ 🏆 14
Jarone555
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'La Bella Vita' is too sophisticated, mate. We're not in bloody Milan, are we?
 153 18 / 100 44
288
🍸
Nader ℹ️ 🏆 10
Jnader
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a name, no joke, no filth, no fun. As exciting as a soggy biscuit.
 185 18 / 100 26
289
🍸
Neon lights bar ℹ️ 🏆 21
Joakim
the Pattaya Turtle says: A description, not a name, mate, lazy as a Soi Buakhao soi dog.
 198 18 / 100 45
290
💎
Sapphire ℹ️ 🏆 9
Freddy
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a cheap engagement ring or a dodgy strip club in Bolton, not Pattaya.
 118 18 / 100 20
291
🎵
Team Green ℹ️ 🏆 28
Gogosabatini
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody garden centre, not a place for a proper knees-up. Dire.
 170 18 / 100 21
292
🍸
Thet ℹ️ 🏆 11
Yhetjrjs
the Pattaya Turtle says: Is that a typo, mate? Sounds like a bloke clearing his throat, hardly a riot for the punters.
 26 18 / 100 38
293
🍸
Whispering Lotus ℹ️ 🏆 5
lotus_player
the Pattaya Turtle says: Whispering lotus, sounds like a meditation retreat, not a place to get absolutely bladdered.
 52 18 / 100 20
294
🌴
7th HEAVEN XOX ℹ️ 🏆 9
Slipin
the Pattaya Turtle says: Heaven and XOXO, that's two strikes. Generic corporate nonsense, no fun at all.
 200 15 / 100 49
295
✨
Alex ℹ️ 🏆 12
Alex2025
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just some bloke's name, not even a funny one like Mike Hunt or Hugh Janus. Boring.
 122 15 / 100 20
296
🍸
ANDY ℹ️ 🏆 13
edandrew
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a bloke's name, isn't it? Unless Andy’s got a particularly funny knob, this is dull.
 102 15 / 100 20
297
👑
Bradleys 2 ℹ️ 🏆 9
xhr
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bradleys 2, is it? Sounds like a discount tyre shop or a budget hotel chain. Where's the filth?
 38 15 / 100 53
298
🌺
Charlie ℹ️ 🏆 9
stgreylv
128 15 / 100 27
299
🐯
Club Felix ℹ️ 🏆 7
BruceV8
the Pattaya Turtle says: Felix? Sounds like a posh cat food, not a place you'd get a raging hard-on after seven pints.
 98 15 / 100 20
300
🍸
ddd ℹ️ 🏆 10
psbest85
the Pattaya Turtle says: What's this, a typo? As funny as a broken condom, but without the mess.
 58 15 / 100 39
301
🍸
Dreams Come True ℹ️ 🏆 7
Johonny2Times
the Pattaya Turtle says: More like a greeting card slogan, not a place you'd expect a happy ending.
 58 15 / 100 45
302
⚡
Euphoria ℹ️ 🏆 22
Robbie1973
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Euphoria' , sounds like a bloody spa or a new age shop. Where's the grit?
 327 15 / 100 52
303
👑
Gecko ℹ️ 🏆 7
stevengay
the Pattaya Turtle says: A lizard, is it? Not exactly going to get a rise out of anyone, is it?
 – 15 / 100 67
304
🍸
Girls ℹ️ 🏆 21
Acidvalue
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Girls'. Again, stating the obvious. Is it a bar or a demographic survey?
 207 15 / 100 48
305
💎
greg ℹ️ 🏆 10
nig
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like your accountant, not somewhere you'd get a happy ending. Dire.
 86 15 / 100 20
306
🐯
GrimDank III - Corpse-starch ℹ️ 🏆 36
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Trying too hard, this one. 'Corpse-starch'? Just confused the poor buggers.
 576 15 / 100 98
307
🐍
Indigo ℹ️ 🏆 24
Snakeinjune
the Pattaya Turtle says: Indigo, is it? Sounds like a posh paint colour or a boring hotel lobby. Get a grip, mate.
 125 15 / 100 26
308
🍺
J bar ℹ️ 🏆 4
dearjb
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a letter, isn't it? Might as well be 'Bar H'.
 – 15 / 100 27
309
💎
Ky gell ℹ️ 🏆 9
Ky3
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Ky gell'? What the hell is that, a misspelled German dish? Next.
 84 15 / 100 25
310
🐯
Kåres retard bar ℹ️ 🏆 18
Leif2
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Kåres retard bar'. Trying too hard to be edgy, ends up just sounding a bit sad. Not a laugh to be had.
 283 15 / 100 52
311
🎲
Lanzes bar ℹ️ 🏆 34
lanzelote
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Lanzes bar' is another boring name. Just a proper noun, no joke, no imagination. Pathetic.
 262 15 / 100 94
312
🔥
lildev's ℹ️ 🏆 11
lildev
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Lildev's'? Sounds like a dodgy kids' clothing shop or a bad typo. No thanks.
 114 15 / 100 20
313
🦁
Lou's ℹ️ 🏆 11
louis123
the Pattaya Turtle says: Lou's? Sounds like a bloody laundrette or a place to get your bunions trimmed, not a bar.
 118 15 / 100 21
314
🍸
Me go ℹ️ 🏆 5
mego
the Pattaya Turtle says: Me go? What, is it a bloody playground? Sounds like a toddler's first words, not a bar.
 117 15 / 100 21
315
🍸
Minda ℹ️ 🏆 10
minda
the Pattaya Turtle says: Minda. Sounds like a brand of cheap shampoo, not a place you'd get minda-numbing drunk.
 204 15 / 100 21
316
💎
MKS Bar ℹ️ 🏆 12
ElectricLotus440
the Pattaya Turtle says: MKS Bar, what is it, a bleedin' accounting firm? Stick to your spreadsheets, mate.
 143 15 / 100 21
317
🍸
Pepe's Bodega ℹ️ 🏆 13
draftdodger
the Pattaya Turtle says: Pepe's Bodega? Sounds like a place you'd buy a dodgy burrito, not get a proper bar fine.
 135 15 / 100 21
318
🍻
Pudjo's ℹ️ 🏆 9
pudjo
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Pudjo's' is just a name, isn't it? Might as well be 'Dave's'. No joke, no laugh, just… there.
 75 15 / 100 20
319
💎
Sapphire Bar ℹ️ 🏆 31 ⚔️ Camel Toe
Freddy01
the Pattaya Turtle says: Still sounds like a regional jewelers, adding 'Bar' doesn't make it any less shite.
 240 15 / 100 79
320
🌴
Tangerine Bar ℹ️ 🏆 11
mponkin
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody fruit stand, not a place for a proper piss-up, does it?
 134 15 / 100 20
321
🍸
Test Edge ℹ️ 🏆 10
x
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody software company or a terrible band. Where's the filth, mate?
 36 15 / 100 20
322
🌴
The Alluring Residence ℹ️ 🏆 7
eriktheboss
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody hotel suite or a dodgy estate agent, far too posh.
 19 15 / 100 53
323
🌙
Tinys ℹ️ 🏆 4
Bingo
the Pattaya Turtle says: Tinys, bit like my last erection, utterly forgettable.
 – 15 / 100 21
324
🔥
UwU ℹ️ 🏆 7
ggez
the Pattaya Turtle says: What's this, a bar for toddlers or a bloody cat cafe? Get that nonsense out of here.
 89 15 / 100 20
325
👑
Bar of Smiles ℹ️ 🏆 10
ArcaneJynx
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bar of Smiles'? Sounds like a dentist's waiting room, not a place for a proper piss-up.
 137 12 / 100 24
326
⚡
8B ℹ️ 🏆 12
hasadam@hotmail.com
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a letter and a number. Might as well call it 'Toast Rack 3'. Utter shite.
 111 10 / 100 53
327
⚡
Avada Kedava ℹ️ 🏆 11
Tomriddle
8 10 / 100 52
328
🔥
Exotic Club and bar ℹ️ 🏆 4
Stefan
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a description, isn't it? As dull as watching paint dry. Zero effort, zero laughs.
 – 10 / 100 26
329
🌴
Fc Pattaya ℹ️ 🏆 10
Fcpattaya
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Fc Pattaya'? Is this a football club or a place to get a beer? Get out of it.
 122 10 / 100 24
330
🐯
firefox ℹ️ 🏆 8
firefox
the Pattaya Turtle says: You having a laugh? That's a web browser, not a bar. Get some new material, mate.
 34 10 / 100 36
331
👑
fos ℹ️ 🏆 15
fos
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just three letters, looks like a typo, not a bar where you'd have a proper laugh.
 108 10 / 100 49
332
🍸
Freerepublic2 ℹ️ 🏆 12
freerepublic2
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the actual wank is this? Sounds like a dodgy website, not a place for a proper piss-up.
 60 10 / 100 47
333
🐯
GrimDank II - Haemonculi ℹ️ 🏆 39
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the flying f- is this? Sounds like a typo, not a place for a pint.
 525 10 / 100 109
334
🦁
GrimDank IV - Penitent Engine ℹ️ 🏆 22
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Too much sci-fi bollocks, mate. No one wants to hear about your Warhammer fantasies after a few Changs.
 474 10 / 100 76
335
🐯
GrimDank V - Rubric of Ahriman ℹ️ 🏆 22
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Still with the Warhammer, are we? Leave your nerdy wank for your bedroom, not a bar name.
 258 10 / 100 76
336
🦁
GrimDank VI - Omophagea ℹ️ 🏆 21
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Oh, for Christ's sake, still with the grim dark. No one cares about your made-up words, pal.
 160 10 / 100 76
337
🦁
GrimDank VII - House Escher ℹ️ 🏆 19
Pip (Jason)
the Pattaya Turtle says: Honestly, mate, give it a rest. No one's coming to Pattaya for a game of bloody Dungeons and Dragons.
 115 10 / 100 76
338
🌴
G’s ℹ️ 🏆 11
John
the Pattaya Turtle says: G's? Might as well call it 'Meh'. Zero effort, zero laughs.
 175 10 / 100 25
339
🍸
Hitler's Bunker ℹ️ 🏆 12
heilhitler
the Pattaya Turtle says: Hitler's Bunker? Come on, mate, there's 'edgy' and then there's just plain offensive and not funny.
 115 10 / 100 20
340
🌙
Moonflower ℹ️ 🏆 9
1Moonflower1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Moonflower, sounds like a tea shop, not a bar where you'd see a floppy knob.
 54 10 / 100 20
341
👑
RAK KOON BAR ℹ️ 🏆 10
Ting Tong T
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'RAK KOON BAR'? Sounds like a bloody exotic pet shop, not a bar.
 146 10 / 100 32
342
🌴
Ray bar ℹ️ 🏆 28
Raybar
the Pattaya Turtle says: Someone's name without a joke, dull as dishwater, mate.
 179 10 / 100 81
343
🌺
Sadleys ℹ️ 🏆 8
ferriswheel
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Sadleys' is just a surname, like a solicitor's office. Completely devoid of humour or charm. Dreadful.
 119 10 / 100 21
344
🌴
Southern Star ℹ️ 🏆 11
Niffy61
the Pattaya Turtle says: Forgettable, sounds like a brand of dodgy lager, not a bar name, rubbish.
 35 10 / 100 53
345
🍸
StepbyStep ℹ️ 🏆 16
hikari01
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like an instruction manual, utterly devoid of any actual fun.
 275 10 / 100 45
346
🍸
wurrr ℹ️ 🏆 13
wurrr
the Pattaya Turtle says: Wurrr? Is that the sound of a bloke trying to remember his bar fine? Pathetic, innit.
 128 10 / 100 21
347
🍸
Zzz ℹ️ 🏆 13
zzzuser
the Pattaya Turtle says: Zzz, is it a bar or a narcoleptic's diary entry, absolutely bloody terrible.
 149 10 / 100 20
348
🐯
Bar ℹ️ 🏆 9
Username
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Bar'. Well, it is one, isn't it? Inspiring stuff. Next!
 154 8 / 100 23
349
🍸
Bradleys Jomtien ℹ️ 🏆 16
Entrox
the Pattaya Turtle says: Bradleys Jomtien, sounds like someone's boring mate opened a bar, zero imagination.
 41 8 / 100 80
350
🦁
Escevar selanco ℹ️ 🏆 11
Sami_abe07
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a Spanish holiday resort for old fannies, absolutely no laughs here.
 68 8 / 100 20
351
⚡
Feeder1 ℹ️ 🏆 12
Feeding1
the Pattaya Turtle says: Just a random word and a number. No joke, no fun. Straight to the bin.
 181 8 / 100 39
352
🍸
Nexci ℹ️ 🏆 9
Nexci
the Pattaya Turtle says: Nexci. Is that a brand of dog food? Utterly meaningless rubbish.
 231 8 / 100 21
353
🐯
SamsungCokeGarfieldBar ℹ️ 🏆 13
Leif
the Pattaya Turtle says: What in the name of all that is unholy is this? Sounds like a toddler's first internet search.
 68 8 / 100 53
354
🌴
asd ℹ️ 🏆 12
barbuyer
– 5 / 100 41
355
💎
Hopes and Dreams ℹ️ 🏆 4
Skin_Glyder
the Pattaya Turtle says: Sounds like a bloody self-help group, not a bar. Far too wholesome for a laugh.
 – 5 / 100 26
356
🍸
Idk bar ℹ️ 🏆 10
pppp
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Idk bar', 'I don't know' is what I'd say if you asked me if I wanted to go to this dump.
 72 5 / 100 20
357
🌴
MrWho ℹ️ 🏆 13
finn208
the Pattaya Turtle says: MrWho, utterly meaningless, mate, sounds like a question, not a bar.
 50 5 / 100 53
358
🌺
Rain ℹ️ 🏆 9
Test
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Rain'? What, am I supposed to cry into my beer? Absolutely shite.
 82 5 / 100 32
359
🍸
Test2 ℹ️ 🏆 10
Glitch
8 5 / 100 52
360
👑
yes ℹ️ 🏆 12
yes
the Pattaya Turtle says: Yes, the most boring bar name imaginable, no effort, no joke, just a yes.
 59 5 / 100 48
361
🍸
Test ℹ️ 🏆 7
Someguy
the Pattaya Turtle says: 'Test'? Is this a bar or an exam, mate? Absolutely no effort, just like my morning piss.
 5 4 / 100 20
362
🍸
Nigger ℹ️ 🏆 9
nigger
the Pattaya Turtle says: Absolutely not. Unacceptable on every level, no humour, just offensive.
 95 0 / 100 20
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